The Chat.

[katelynisspecial]

[19:55] katiealey: Everything will change
But love remains the same..
[19:56] katelynisspecial: If it's truly love..
[19:58] katiealey: He wouldn't be hurting me.. yea.. I know..
[20:01] katelynisspecial: How you can say that you truly love him?
[20:01] katelynisspecial: At one time, maybe.. but now?
[20:01] katelynisspecial: It honestly seems more like infatuation.
[20:01] katelynisspecial: Love is a strong word. And sometimes I use it too lightly myself.
[20:04] katiealey: Because.. Even though he has put me through so much.. I would die for him.. Would kill to see him again.. To be able to hold him again.. Because.. No matter how many guys I say are cute.. none of them I can see myself with.. Andy I can..
[20:05] katiealey: Even though I'm in pain now.. I always have hope that it will just end someday.. And.. Someone that puts up with so much for so long..
[20:05] katelynisspecial: But that could still be infatuation =/
[20:05] katelynisspecial: You'll find someone better someday
[20:05] katelynisspecial: And you'll realize..
[20:05] katiealey: Most girls would dump their boyfriends if they treated them bad.. but me.. I always ignore it.. because no matter how much pain I'm in.. if he's happy I don't care how much I have t cry..
[20:06] katiealey: I don't care how much Heart ake I have to put up with.. if he's happy that's all I care about..
[20:07] katelynisspecial: So what about infatuation? That�s when you think of someone all the time, you go out of your way to be around him/her, and you begin to center your priorities around him/her as well. Infatuation as are defining it here, is a static process characterized by an unrealistic expectation of blissful passion without positive growth and development. Characterized by a lack of trust, lack of loyalty, lack of commitment, lack of reciprocity, an infatuation is not necessarily foreplay for a love scenario.
[20:07] katelynisspecial: So how do you know? The question, actually is simple, the answer, however, is not easy to own or accept. And here it is: Does this relationship bring out the best in both of you?
[20:07] katelynisspecial: Are you happy? That would be a yes or no. When you wake up, are you glad to be alive? Are you grateful for the blessings that you receive daily, like being alive and loved? Are you loved and treated as a person of value? Does his or her mother know about you?
[20:07] katiealey: Kate... for me to honestly mean that I would die for him.. I would give my whole life up for him.. God at one point I was willing to run away from my family to go be with him.. Even through all the dangers that could have happened..
[20:07] katelynisspecial: Is your life on a positive track? Do you have hope for the future? Do you have dreams and work toward them all the time? Is your life better because your boy/girlfriend is in it? Really?
[20:07] katiealey: But for me to honestly mean it.. not just hot air..
[20:08] katelynisspecial: Are you in this relationship alone? Having someone on your arm makes life less complicated. You get a built in escort and date. Most people seem to think and feel better as part of a pair. There is a sense of social relief as well meaning family and friends stop trying to fix you up. Are you thinking and planning as a pair? Do you automatically consider both of your plans for the weekend, or merely anticipate maybe meeting up sometime? Have you postponed or given up your hopes and dreams for the relationship or have you restructured your dreams together?
[20:08] katelynisspecial: Are you getting all my messages?
[20:08] katiealey: The answer to that is easy for me to answer anyway.. no..
[20:08] katelynisspecial: Which question?
[20:08] katiealey: And that's why I know it's over.. that's why I know it can't happen.. but that doesn't mean I still don't live him..
[20:09] katelynisspecial: Are you happy? NO That would be a yes or no. When you wake up, are you glad to be alive? MAYBE Are you grateful for the blessings that you receive daily, like being alive and loved? PROBABLY NOT Are you loved and treated as a person of value? DEFINITELY NOT Does his or her mother know about you? MAYBE
[20:09] katiealey: Idk.. I got and you'll realize.. and then after that it was So how do you know the question.. then after that it was is your life on a positive track.. then the am i getting the messages
[20:10] katelynisspecial: Then it's infatuation :3
[20:10] katelynisspecial: Love is totally two ways.
[20:10] katelynisspecial: Or else it's infatuation. Obsession. Not letting go even when you're being treated like shit. Pouring yourself in and getting nothing in return. Not being able to realistically imagine a future. Being woven in a web of lies and just taking it.
[20:11] katelynisspecial: If I'm going to be even more honest.
[20:11] katelynisspecial: You're only clinging to him
[20:11] katelynisspecial: Because of your self esteem
[20:11] katelynisspecial: And you think no one else will ever love you, or make you feel like he did.
[20:11] katelynisspecial: Because you say that all the time, albeit indirectly.
[20:11] katelynisspecial: But you're wrong/
[20:12] katelynisspecial: I'm not trying to be harsh.
[20:12] katelynisspecial: But WAKE UP.
[20:12] katelynisspecial: You're not healthy at all.
[20:12] katiealey: no.. I'm not.. and you can call it what you want but..
[20:12] katelynisspecial: Please please for your own sake.
[20:12] katelynisspecial: Just move on.
[20:12] katelynisspecial: Yes, you are wrong.
[20:13] katiealey: No..
[20:13] katelynisspecial: Yes.
[20:13] katiealey: And I know that
[20:13] katelynisspecial: You are.
[20:13] katelynisspecial: You don't know that.
[20:13] katelynisspecial: You're 16.
[20:13] katelynisspecial: I know that as much as I love Adam, if it doesn't work out, there will be someone else.
[20:13] katelynisspecial: Because I"m young.
[20:13] katelynisspecial: Your love life isn't over after your first breakup.
[20:13] katelynisspecial: There was someone for me after Josh.
[20:13] katelynisspecial: And there will be someone after Adam if it's meant to be that way.
[20:14] katelynisspecial: There's someone after Andy. You're SIXTEEN. You have nearly your entire life left.
[20:14] katelynisspecial: But you'll never find that person if you don't let go.
[20:14] katelynisspecial: And let things happen.
[20:14] katelynisspecial: Like you say you do.
[20:14] katelynisspecial: Like you told me to.
[20:15] katelynisspecial: Infatuation can even be thought of as love with only 2 dimensions. With love, that third dimension is reality.
[20:16] katelynisspecial: I know you want to have kids, and you want to grow up. And that you gave him part of you you'll never get back.
[20:16] katelynisspecial: And I wonder if those reasons are why you cling so hard.
[20:16] katelynisspecial: If you think he's your only chance at those things.
[20:17] katelynisspecial: But you're double-yew ahr oh ehn gee.
[20:17] katiealey: Kate.. guys now a days are ****ing idiots. They look at looks. Andy one couldn't and two didn't. There was someone after Josh because your really pretty.
[20:17] katiealey: don't care what you think everyone knows it but you. And me.. Kate look at me.. Andy saw me..
[20:18] katiealey: he didn't care.. everyone else does.. but I don't care.. the fact that he fell in logve with me for just me.. not my looks.. and when he did see me he STILL told me I was beautiful..

[20:18] katelynisspecial: You think Andy is the only guy in the universe who sees more than looks?
[20:18] katiealey: Yea because that's how ****ing stupid guys are.
[20:18] katelynisspecial: Because if that's true, you really need to widen your perspective.
[20:18] katiealey: Because they are nothing but ****ing idiots
[20:18] katelynisspecial: That's not true.
[20:19] katiealey: How can I when every guy I have TRIED to like turns me away RIGHT away
[20:19] katelynisspecial: Your dad is a guy. Is he a fucking idiot?
[20:19] katiealey: YES!
[20:19] katiealey: He is a ****ing idiot!
[20:19] katelynisspecial: No, I don't believe you really believe that.
[20:19] katelynisspecial: Have you ever thought that Andy told you you were beautiful because that's what he thought? Because that's what you are?
[20:19] katelynisspecial: Someone else will see that.
[20:19] katelynisspecial: Many, many less attractive people than you have gotten married.
[20:21] katiealey: I'm not pretty and I know that. I have learned to accept that. Andy thought i was... After everyone.. Eric.. patrick.. alex.. jared.. none of them even thought to hug me..
[20:21] katiealey: They avoid me
[20:21] katiealey: Then the go away
[20:21] katiealey: Andy didn't
[20:21] katiealey: He stayed with me.. he held me and kissed me.. told me I was perfect.
[20:21] katelynisspecial: So you're basing your entire male opinion on like, 5 guys? 5 HIGH SCHOOL guys? Who are infamously petty, immature, and stupid?
[20:21] katiealey: That I was beautiful.
[20:21] katelynisspecial: You don't need to find your soul mate in high school, Katie!
[20:22] katiealey: No.. But it would be ****ing nice to have someone to love you Kate.
[20:22] katelynisspecial: And a guy is the only person who can love you?
[20:22] katelynisspecial: You have a family, that no matter how much you'd like to deny it, loves you. You have friends.
[20:22] katelynisspecial: You have me and Adam and Will.
[20:22] katiealey: For that kind of love yes.. I'm not a lesbian..
[20:22] katelynisspecial: I'm scared if the world's coming to a place where you can't be worth something if you don't have a member of the opposite sex to love you.
[20:23] katelynisspecial: You're better than that.
[20:23] katiealey: I know you guys love me.. but you guys wont hold me kiss me and call me beautiful. You wont love me love me. I know you guys love me but it's as
[20:23] katiealey: a friend or a close friend
[20:24] katelynisspecial: Like I said.. is your entire happiness going to be based on whether or not you have someone to kiss you at 16?
[20:25] katiealey: Being alone for 15 years.. having to listen to all my friend talk about how wonderful their boyfriends are.. watching all the ****ing couples hold eachother..
[20:25] katiealey: every ****ing couple holding hands and ****
[20:26] katiealey: 15 years.. Not once did I experiance that.. Andy gave me that..
[20:26] katiealey: He made me happy..
[20:26] katiealey: I had never been that happy
[20:26] katiealey: when he first came here...
[20:26] katiealey: I can't even begin to explain the feelings I had
[20:26] katelynisspecial: Are you serious? 15 years... About 12-13 of which you weren't involved in a relationship anyways, no one was then. Except for sluts.
[20:26] katelynisspecial: So that's like.. 2 years max.
[20:26] katiealey: Happiness doesn't even begin to describe the feelings
[20:26] katelynisspecial: Out of like 80 more you'll live.
[20:26] katelynisspecial: You were not alone.
[20:27] katelynisspecial: And not everyone has a boyfriend.
[20:27] katelynisspecial: The majority of couples you see that are happy are out of high school.

[katelynisspecial]

[20:28] katiealey: You always see little kids having love.. ok yea it's not going to be real love but atleast they have someone they can be with.. that they like.. I liked alot of people and not once could say I ever had soeone to be with
[20:29] katelynisspecial: Kids do not have relationships. They have friendships.
[20:29] katelynisspecial: And when you're little, it doesn't matter if your friend is a guy or a girl.
[20:29] katiealey: So explain to me the pretend marraiges and the little kisses they get. All that..
[20:30] katelynisspecial: You want to trash the rest of your life because you didn't get a pretend marriage in grade school?
[20:30] katiealey: I get what you mean Kate... I know that I'm blowing this out of control ok? I get it. But what I don't know if you see is that my whole life I have been pushed aside.
[20:30] katiealey: You haven't. Josh, Will Adam
[20:30] katiealey: probobly others I don't know about? >_>
[20:30] katelynisspecial: And neither have you! Just because not all of them ended with sunshine dust, doesn't mean you didn't have them.
[20:31] katiealey: and Andy... I met him and it was like he didn't want to let go..
[20:31] katelynisspecial: That mean guy before Andy, that recent canadian guy..
[20:31] katelynisspecial: Unless we're talking guys we've met. In which case Ive just got Josh.
[20:31] katiealey: Kate I haven't had anyone but Andy
[20:31] katelynisspecial: Which makes us tied.
[20:31] katiealey: Heh.. like that was a relashionship..
[20:32] katiealey: I never once saw his picture never once heard his voice.. just some pixel character.. and also look what happened there. He ended up leaving.
[20:32] katiealey: For what? Another girl.
[20:33] katiealey: When? After I showed him a webcam.. after the webcam what happened? He started getting farther and farther away
[20:33] katiealey: until he just said **** you im gone
[20:35] katelynisspecial: Like I said.
[20:35] katelynisspecial: Just because they didn't all end with sunshine dust.
[20:35] katelynisspecial: Doesn't mean you didn't have them.
[20:35] katelynisspecial: Being pretty isn't fucking everything.
[20:35] katiealey: To guys yea.. it is
[20:35] katiealey: If I could change my looks **** me i would.
[20:36] katiealey: Diabetes is a ****ing ***** when you pretty much need to eat sugar to stay alive
[20:36] katiealey: not to mention when you eat it it doesn't get burnt up it goes straight to friggin fat
[20:37] katiealey: In real life if a guy had to pick between some skinny ***** and someone like me who the hell would that pick kate?
[20:37] katiealey: Common, you know that as much as I do. Their first instinct is to go for the skinny *****
[20:38] katelynisspecial: That is so not true. You are being blinded by media.
[20:38] katiealey: wow ok
[20:38] katelynisspecial: Just like real girls aren't stick thin, real guys aren't that shallow.
[20:39] katiealey: then you don't know guy's at are school
[20:39] katelynisspecial: If you put a genuine guy in that scenerio, he would pick based on personality.
[20:39] katelynisspecial: Like I said. MOST guys at our school are classic male teens.
[20:39] katelynisspecial: Immature
[20:39] katelynisspecial: Petty
[20:39] katelynisspecial: Shallow.
[20:39] katelynisspecial: Which is why I said.. you have TIME.

[katelynisspecial]

[20:40] katiealey: Yea I know that! god! My point is that I have had enough of ****ing time! I'm sick of being pissed offa t everyone for being so happy.I love Andy because he didn't care about anything. My age my looks nothing. Just my personality.
[20:41] katiealey: Tell me how many fat girls do you see walking the school with guy's on their arms por even in a relationship
[20:41] katelynisspecial: Katie.
[20:41] katelynisspecial: At 16, you can't possibly think you've had too much time waiting around without a boyfriend.
[20:41] katelynisspecial: That's ridiculous.
[20:41] katelynisspecial: You've had a few years at most.
[20:42] katelynisspecial: And you CAN NOT COUNT HIGH SCHOOLERS IN ANYTHING.
[20:42] katelynisspecial: We're losing the point here.
[20:42] katelynisspecial: My point is.
[20:42] katelynisspecial: Your life isn't over.
[20:42] katelynisspecial: Not even remotely.
[20:42] katiealey: Jelousy **** yea. My ****ing god. I have never been so ****ing jelouse of people. Walking around ****ing high school seeing everyone so ****ing happy all over their boyfriends when I know for a ****ing fact that wouldn't even look at me
[20:42] katelynisspecial: And at this point, Andy isn't giving you the kisses and stuff you want.
[20:42] katelynisspecial: So why cling?
[20:43] katiealey: Because i thought the same thing before he came in august and look what happened. Even more than I expected.
[20:44] katiealey: And god the first night he was here he wanted to be all over me (-.-') When you left that night we were swimming ''>_> ANYWAY.. me saying that is because he is the only guy that didn't give a crap.
[20:44] katiealey: He made me happy.. more than I could have even asked for..
[20:44] katiealey: and I'm "clinging" because before sugust it was like this for a while
[20:44] katelynisspecial: He is NOT the only guy that doesn't give a crap.
[20:44] katelynisspecial: That is stupid.
[20:45] katelynisspecial: But it wasn't quite to this extent/
[20:45] katiealey: not this long but even still.. and he cane in august and we were happy again..
[20:45] katelynisspecial: To the extent where he may or may not have a child.
[20:45] katelynisspecial: If you give the male gender a chance.
[20:45] katelynisspecial: Then you'll have happy times again.
[20:45] katelynisspecial: Not immediately.
[20:45] katelynisspecial: But have a little bit of patience?
[20:45] katelynisspecial: Your patience is never-ending with Andy
[20:46] katelynisspecial: Try applying it somewhere more constructive.
[20:47] katiealey: how in the hell am I just going to let him go Kate. Don't you think I have tried? Don't you think after a month and a half of being torchered by him I have had enough? So I try and pull away and what do I di.. end up crying over him wishing he was back

[katelynisspecial]

[20:48] katiealey: It's easier said then done and I'm trying damn it. Slowly yea but god I'm ****ing trying
[20:48] katiealey: After being played with and knowing all the **** that could have happened I'm trying but because my ****ing heart wont ket me
[20:48] katelynisspecial: You know what you have to do?
[20:48] katelynisspecial: Seriously mean it.
[20:48] katelynisspecial: Seriously.
[20:48] katelynisspecial: Block him.
[20:48] katelynisspecial: Don't answer his calls.
[20:48] katelynisspecial: Yes, it will hurt.
[20:48] katelynisspecial: Yes, you will cry.
[20:48] katelynisspecial: But no more than you do now.
[20:48] katelynisspecial: And it will pass.
[20:49] katiealey: I'm not strong enough. I know I''m not because so many times I have told my parents I will stop talking to him because he is hurting me.. and look now.. almost 2 years and I'm STILl talking to him
[20:49] katiealey: I have blocked him and haven't answeed his calls but when he does call I want to call him back.. even though he has hurt me I want to so much
[20:49] katiealey: I want to hear his voice again.
[20:50] katelynisspecial: You have to mean it.
[20:50] katiealey: There in lies my problem Kate
[20:50] katelynisspecial: Delete all his voice recordings.
[20:50] katelynisspecial: DElete the pictures.
[20:50] katelynisspecial: Take them off your wall.
[20:50] katelynisspecial: Block AND delete him
[20:50] katelynisspecial: You won't even know when he's online.
[20:51] katiealey: You don't think I mean it?! You think I want to me in pain?! Kate god! I don't want to hurt anymore but my heart always tells me to try and fix things to stop being a whimp and hold on longer and wait for him
[20:51] katelynisspecial: Katie, if you do mean it.
[20:51] katelynisspecial: Then start doing what I just said.
[20:51] katelynisspecial: Starting now.
[20:51] katelynisspecial: Give your poor heart a rest.
[20:52] katelynisspecial: You have to get knocked down before you can get back up.
[20:52] katiealey: I can't!!!!!!!! Kate I can't! God damnit I have my cursor over his name and I can't even ****ing click it!
[20:52] katiealey: GOD ****ING DAMNIT!
[20:52] katelynisspecial: Then I will come over TOMORROW.
[20:52] katelynisspecial: And do it for you.
[20:52] katelynisspecial: And you can cry and scream and rave at me all you want.
[20:52] katelynisspecial: And I won't care.
[20:53] katelynisspecial: I'll take it
[20:53] katelynisspecial: If it makes you feel better.
[20:53] katiealey: No because I will just unblock it. Im ****ing weak ok?! I'm not over him yet! Ican't just drop everything and walk away
[20:53] katelynisspecial: Not if you delete him too.
[20:53] katiealey: I would add him back
[20:53] katelynisspecial: And I'm talking about me deleting his pictures and stuff.
[20:53] katelynisspecial: The less reminders the better.
[20:53] katelynisspecial: Tell him not to accept.
[20:54] katiealey: No.. because once again I can't risk our friendship.
[20:54] katiealey: After all the fun we have had again..
[20:54] katiealey: No.
[20:54] katiealey: I know me... I would get completley mad at you and I'm not risking all that again.
[20:55] katelynisspecial: Then get a grip, and do it yourself.
[20:55] katelynisspecial: Please.
[20:55] katelynisspecial: Right now.
[20:55] katiealey: Not now..
[20:55] katelynisspecial: Then I'll come over, and watch you do it.
[20:55] katelynisspecial: So you can't get mad at me xP
[20:55] katiealey: No because I wont do it. Not now. Not tomorrow.. Kate I can't just drop everything and walk away like I said
[20:56] katiealey: I'm not like that.. When i put my mind to something I stick to it.. and i put my mind and my whole future into andy
[20:56] katelynisspecial: But there is. no. future.
[20:56] katelynisspecial: Not with him.
[20:56] katelynisspecial: Without him, your future is so bright.
[20:56] katiealey: ..You don't know that. He could change again. Like he did before.
[20:57] katelynisspecial: But all of the lies..
[20:57] katelynisspecial: He's pathological.
[20:57] katelynisspecial: It will happen again and again
[20:57] katelynisspecial: You will be stuck in the cycle forever.
[20:57] katelynisspecial: Or you could drop him now.
[20:57] katelynisspecial: Finish school
[20:57] katelynisspecial: And get the chance for a real relationship
[20:57] katelynisspecial: With a non petty, adult guy.
[20:57] katiealey: Plus... I'm already getting pushed away from him slowly.. You have to wheen someone off something right? ...Well Andy is pushing me away slowly.. and i burst into tears typing that.. how pathetic..

[katelynisspecial]

Kate says:
I guess I didn't realize that "Why don't you like facebook?"
Was a wildly offensive question. My bad.
Katie says:
NO THE FUCKING FACT YOU KEEP BRINGING UP ANDY. FUCKING DROP IT!
Katie says:
I'M DONE WITH IT
Katie says:
FFS
Kate says:
But you still didn't answer my question, which was the entire basis for the conversation?
Kate says:
You can't just keep going off at all of us all the time for no apparent reason =/
Katie says:
Wow are you fucking bland
Katie says:
blind*
Katie says:
YOu brought up fucking andy again
Katie says:
Stop it
Kate says:
Why does that make you mad about the entire conversation though? And how come you can bring him up every day but not me? Because you do almost every day. I don't get it.
Katie says:
Because I'm tired of you fucking talking about him ok? For F*** sake yoru the one that brought him up out of no where. "add's andy" DOn't fucking mention him unless I talk about him or you ARE going to piss me off. Why? Because when I don't talk about him I don't fucking want to
Katie says:
Then you bring him up and start fucking talking WHNE I DON"T WANT TO
Katie says:
And I don't give a F*** about facebook and you shouldn't either. It's a fucking webpage. If I hate it don't care! If you liek it fine. I have nothing against you like it. DOnt give a F*** that I hate facebook.
Kate says:
How am I supposed to know when you don't want to, though? If I don't happen to be talking about something, doesn't necessarily mean I don't want to be talking about it, or else I'd be talking about the same thing every single minute.
Katie says:
Uhm maybe because I don't talk about him. I don't talk about him for a reason. Think of that genuis?
Kate says:
Did you read past the first sentence? Say just then, I wasn't talking about Adam. But that doesn't mean I don't want to talk about him. It just means I'm talking about something else.
Kate says:
So how would I know?
Kate says:
Is there anything else I can't mention because you don't like it? Lima beans? Facebook? That one girl we saw on the street?
Kate says:
You shouldn't just flip out like that. No one can read your mind.
Katie says:
Because you know I'm fuckig touchy about Andy! YOur no0t about Adam so wtf does that have to do with anything! YOu know god damn well that Im REALLY touchy about the subject of Andy
Katie says:
If you don't know that by now wow...
Kate says:
You were grumpy before I even mentioned andy, because I was talking about facebook. How was I supposed to know if the following outburst was from facebook or andy? Since I know you screamed about the actual facebook.
Kate says:
And you're touchy about Andy /sometimes/. Sometimes you're not, and you're fine if I mention him. How do I know? How does anyone know?
Katie says:
No I am ALL the time! I just choose wether to show it or not
Kate says:
Are you going to do that to Will some day because he asks how it's going? I mean, I know you well, but I can't read your mind.
Katie says:
THEN DON'T BRING IT UP IN FRONT OF WILL!
Katie says:
In fact don't bring it up at all
Katie says:
I wasn't grumpy about facebook. It's called sarcasm. Don't assume shit
Kate says:
I'm not talking about ME bringing it up. I'm talking about if someone else brings it up. Or it only me you yell at constantly?
Katie says:
No I would fucking yell at them! I snapped at will too but he said he wasn't talking about Andy
Katie says:
YOU were
Kate says:
I think it would be a good idea to learn to be able to talk about things that bother you without yelling.
Kate says:
Because it's not very nice.
Katie says:
Like I give a F***? WHen people piss me off or bring up something I DON"T want to talk about I get pissed off. I don't bottle my enotions anymore. I have for 15 years and it fucking sucked. Not anymore
Kate says:
I bet you're touchy about other things too, how can I know what I'm allowed to bring up without being screamed at?
Katie says:
Someone pisses me off I let them fucking know
Katie says:
OK well now you know. Don't fucking bring it up. K? Now you kow
Kate says:
But what about other things?
Katie says:
Omfg what about other things?! If it pissed me off I yell. If it makes me sad I cry my fucking eyes out. Which I have done Numerous times when your talking to me about andy and you make it all fucking sad and shit
Kate says:
There's a difference between like surpressing your emotions and discussing them calmly without yelling at the other person.
Kate says:
There's many times I've been really really angry, but I don't scream at people.
Katie says:
Well that's your choice. Mines difrent.
Katie says:
SO yeah
Kate says:
Well can you like.. make a different choice when you talk to me specifically?
Kate says:
Because I don't like being yelled at.
Kate says:
Especially when I haven't really done anything but broach a topic of conversation that you disliked.
Katie says:
Thend on't bring up Andy. I assumed you would have known that. You hang around me enough to know how touchy I am about Andy. ANd no I wont make a new choice. I help all this shit in for 15 years I don't intend to do so anymore
Kate says:
Then you don't bring him up either.
Kate says:
Ever.
Kate says:
No more... "Guess who called me?" "Guess whose coming?"
Kate says:
Or else, that's not exactly fair.
Kate says:
That you can talk about whatever you'd like, but you're controlling my freedom of speech.
Katie says:
No! Because there are times when I want to get shit off my chest and there are times when I don't even want to thinka bout him
Katie says:
YOu as a friend should fucking respect that!
Katie says:
Omg!
Kate says:
I can honestly say, none of my other friends have ever screamed at me for bringing up a touchy subject. I don't think you realize exactly how patient I am with you.
Katie says:
Uhm ok? WHat you want me to thank you? No. If you don't want to deal with me screaming then go away. Because right now my life is a fucked up mess and I don't plan to just hold it all in. make everyone esle fucking happy and peppy.
Kate says:
Like I said, right now you're angry, right?
Katie says:
...Wow are you serious
Kate says:
I'll take that as a yes.
Kate says:
And now you're not screaming at me, correct.
Kate says:
You're being sarcastic, I can take that.
Kate says:
It's much nicer, but you're still expressing yourself.
Kate says:
It's not all happy and peppy, but I'm not being screamed at.
Katie says:
Like I said. If you don't want to get yalled at go away. I'm not going to apologize because I have been apologzing all my fucking life. I have been making others happy all my god damned life. I have been strong for everyone else but myself and now I'm done.
Katie says:
If you don't like it then don't be my friend. There are countless times when I have just ignored everyone and kept to myself so I don't yell and I will still do that on occasion but yoru the one telling me to forget about Andy. Ok you can't just make someone who has changed your life dissappear. When you bring him up I rememvber fucking everything and get pissed. When I bring him up it's because I
Katie says:
I'm already fucking mad and want to get something off y chest
Kate says:
You're being a little dramatic, don't you think? Do you think my life is perfect? It's not. Do you think I'm always happy? No. But do I go around screaming at people? No.

You're acting like you're the only one who gets to scream and rant because you're the only one that ever gets hurt.

You have to admit that if I were screaming right now, we wouldn't be having this conversation, you would've lef
Kate says:
t already. Tell me why you think you can do whatever you please, but I can't do that same thing?
Kate says:
A good friendship is 100% two ways. Two people, two equal amounts of effort that needs to be put into it.

[katelynisspecial]

Katie says:
Wow. Really wow. Great speech. Amazing. But so you know I don't think I do what I want. K? I have told you and I will tell you again. My life is a fucked up mess. I have passed and ignored everything that makes me angry or sad for my life until now. I'm not dealing with it anymore.
Katie says:
Because you know how amazing it is to just ignore everyone of your emotions to del with everyone elses
Katie says:
Every problem I had I ignored it to help others. I'm done with that. That isn't me anymore
Katie says:
Last year was a fucking joke. I had done that so long it sent me to a fucking cousiler.
Katie says:
Where she didn't even help
Katie says:
All she could fucking do is say the same thing I did but add a few fucking fancy words
Katie says:
And you thik I'm going to pay over $100 a week to see some bitch that isn't helping? No.
Katie says:
So I decided to take my own advise for once. Stop holding your emotions in. It's not helping anything. Which I couldn't agree to be more friggin true.
Katie says:
I have told that to coutless people and ever actually took my own damn advise. Well now I am.
Kate says:
Katie, you honestly do exactly what you want. You don't have a filter that makes you wait and think about what you're going to do or say before it happens. You just... explode. And say whatever you feel like.
Kate says:
You know what I do when I'm upset and angry?
Kate says:
I used to be exactly like you. And just yell at the other person. And I said things I regretted.
Kate says:
But I haven't really done that at all since I moved.
Kate says:
There are ways to manage anger without trying to hurt someone else. Because that's what you want to do with your sarcasm and screaming. Is hurt me, because it'll make you feel better.
Katie says:
Wow no.
Kate says:
You love writing. Write out exactly what you're feeling. Like you wrote that letter to Andy. Count to 10. Scream in your pillow, turn on as loud music as possible, angry music, and scream out the lyrics.
Katie says:
Just no.
Katie says:
What you think I haven't done that? Well your wrong . Sorry to tell you but I have a fucking folder full of pissed off poems. After a while they just stop working. I have mutiple diaries I filled with fucking screaming. That stopped working too.
Kate says:
When will screaming stop working? Because everything will stop working until you take care of what makes you angry.
Katie says:
And no once again. My life before now I did that. I controlled myself and didn't deal with anger or anything.
Kate says:
How is screaming at someone different from any other way of 'dealing with anger'?
Katie says:
I'm done with that bull s hit. All that did was build up over time and made me yell even more and hatfully.
Kate says:
Does yelling at me really help?
Katie says:
Because I'm not holding it in.
Kate says:
If you're being honest?
Katie says:
And I'm not fucking going to anymore
Kate says:
Does trying to hurt me with words and sarcasm help you deal?
Kate says:
Do you ever regret things you said later?
Kate says:
No, don't answer that. You're too stubborn to admit it if you did =P
Katie says:
And yea it does. Because instead of holding it and making that person feel all fucking warm and fuzzy inside I let it out. I'm not letting it build up anymore. Nope. Because once the fucking bottle fills up it fucking expoldes worse than if I do now
Katie says:
And no, I am going to answer that.
Katie says:
No I wouldn't regret it
Katie says:
Why? Because I regret almost everything for my past life.