ROFL!

[katelynisspecial]

THE FOLLOWING IS FICTION WRITTEN BY MY HUSBAND, KEN.

What would you do if you received this note from a woman you've never really talked to, and you're not even Buddhist?

Dear Neighbor,
From the little contact IÍve had with your family, IÍve been able to conclude you are of the Buddhist faith.æ I myself am a very spiritual person, and though I know much about a multitude of religions (including but not limited to Judaism, various sects of Christianity, Hinduism, Mayan religions and basic Islam), I have somehow never had a comprehensive study of Buddhism.æ

As you have probably been able to tell by now, my family is not Asian.æ I worry we would not be accepted at the Buddhist temples in the city, and was hoping to be able to travel to your temple with you.æ If possible, I would love for my children to interact with your children, and learn about the religion in a kid-to-kid nature.æ My daughter Luna is eleven and my son Gabriel is nine.æ Your son (Elijah, is it?) looks about the same age.æ If possible, it would be darling if Elijah could teach Luna and Gabriel to make traditional Buddhist foods, learn about holiday celebrations, possible learn basic Chinese vocabulary and calligraphy, and discuss what it is like to be immigrants in America.æ In return, they would be happy to share with your son their vast knowledge on the world.

As the children talk, it would be lovely for you and I to discuss your religion.æ I would be pleased to do some sort of baked goods trade off.æ What type of baked goods do you prefer?æ I was a pastry chef for many years, and promise I can make anything perfectly.æ Perhaps we could then set up a time to visit your temple.

I believe the best thing we can do for our children is raise them to be worldly aware.æ I hope you will join my family in an exciting learning expedition.

Please respond promptly with what times and days you are free.æ I can then check my planner.æ Feel free to come talk, or if weÍre not there please slip the note under my door.

With Love,
Tammi, Luna and Gabriel (Last Name)

The thing is, I'm not Buddhist.æ I grew up Presbyterian, and I doubt she'd have any interest in that.æ I have a feeling this is more the product of racial stereotyping than anything (we certainly don't speak Chinese, and are not immigrants), which is a little ironic.æ I find the whole thing a little creepy.æ Would you say anything?

[katelynisspecial]

My slightly polite letter, because I actually have to share walls with this wacko, baked goods or not:

Dear Tammi and Family,
It is very thoughtful of you to reach out to my family as you did. It is unfortunate there is such little sense of community in this building. However, my family is not Buddhist. My husband and I were both raised Christian but are currently not practicing any religion. My family is actually Japanese, (although I am a whole mix of things, including European) and has been living in New York for many, many years. I hope you find success in your quest to discover the Buddhist religion, and I anticipate seeing you around the building!

Sincerely,
Sue (last name)
& Kenji, Eli (10 years old) and August (6 years old)

[katelynisspecial]

And it only gets weirder...

So, I come home today to find this cake sitting in front of my door.
I'm always a lover of free baked goods, but attached to the cake is this letter (any spelling mistakes are probably mine from retyping it):

Dear Sue,
I am sorry to have inconvenienced you!�* You led me to believe you were Buddhist because you were wearing a religious shirt with a Buddha on it on November 9th.�* I was foolish enough to believe that you were not one to mock other religions by wearing their holy symbols.�* However, there does seem to be a trendy of pop culture religion these days.�* If you are truly Buddhist but feel uncomfortable sharing your religion with a person of a different ethnicity, I understand.�* Religion is one of the most personal issues in the world.�* But believe me when I say that I am accepting of any and all religious choices.

I was not aware you are Japanese.�* I suppose this may be a little too personal of a question, but are Elijah and little Augusta adopted?�* They surely have the facial feature of Chinese children.�* I am not one to confuse Asian races, I have read very in depth on the subject.�* Perhaps this is the product of your mixed race.�* Excuse me if you find this rude, but racial characteristic has always been a passion of mine.�* I actually just checked one of my research books, and I am correct with my sense that Elijah and little Augusta must be Chinese, according to their facial features.

Thank you for acknowledging the lack of community in this building.�* We are still new to the city, we used to live up in a tiny town up in Maine.�* Luna especially is having difficulty adapting to the neighborhood.�* It is very hard for her to be accepted at (name of snooty school) because she does not conform to feminine ideals.�* Do your children face similar issues at their school?�* It would be lovely if she could make friends with your children, perhaps they could introduce her to the other free thinking youths in the neighborhood.�* She is also always able to baby-sit for little Augusta (her normal rate is $6 during daylight and $8 at night, although she obviously cannot be out too late since she is only 11), or work as a mother’s helper when you’re going crazy.�*

If you are truly not Buddhist, I would still be interested in getting to know you.�* I participate in a myriad of other activities, including but not limited to book clubs, crocheting, using collage and other art form to share stories of my life and of different holy texts, and rollerblading.�* I’m always looking for friends to participate in the activities with me.

I am sorry if this letter jumps around a little, my head is a bit jumbled.�*

With Care,
Tammi

PS. I have included a special treat for your family, in spirit of the upcoming holidays. I only had a few free minutes today, but I managed to whip up something beautiful. Enjoy, or as they say in Japan, shokumotsu! (That is correct, isn’t it?)


What the hell?

[katelynisspecial]

Oh. My. �*Buddha.

I thought I was off the hook today when my husband woke up (having not died of cake poisoning), but now I think things may have gotten worse. �*I never responded to her last letter, but somehow she has decided we are friends. �*This was slipped under my door today:

Dear Sue, Ken, Elijah and Little Augusta,
I was hoping to talk to you in person, but you have been out all day. �*I know our families barely know each other, but I anticipate we will become very close in the coming years. �*We have so much knowledge to share with each other. �*I am sure you will feel more comfortable sharing your true self with me once you learn how warm and trustworthy I am. �*As you may or may not be aware, the Holiday of Giving Thanks is approaching. �*I do not know if it is custom for families of your heritage to celebrate the holiday. �*If you do not, I warmly invite you to celebrate the special day with my close ones. �*The holiday of Thanks is one where we celebrate every single race of people, because even your family is American. �*In fact, you are just as American as the Pilgrims. �*We also take time to mourn the loss of the Native Americans, as they are simply a symbol for every single race that has been discriminated and killed in our country. �*More importantly, we use the holiday as a vessel for self-realizing. �*

As a result of our close contacts, I’m extending our invitation to your lovely family. �*Please respond very quickly (but no later than 9:30 tonight as I will be asleep), as I must start making gift bags and preparing the food items.

With love,
Tammi, Luna and Gabriel

The invitation is too nutty:

Tammi, Luna and Gabriel invite you to our annual
Silent Holiday of Giving Thanks Gathering!
There is much to think about during the holidays. �*People too often get wrapped up in the celebrations and forgot what is truly meaningful. �*It is important to have a time to reflect on these many significant thoughts ranging on topic from Politics, Religion, Race, Crafts, Gender Issues and Money. �*We tend to believe that the best thoughts are those you reflect upon in a personal setting. �*For that reason, we invite you to not talk or use symbols in position of talking for the majority of the holiday. �*We will still partake in the activities of seasonal crafts, cooking, eating and special reading, but we will do this without speech. �*Tammi has participate in Silent Holiday of Giving Thanks her entire life, and has learned the activity is very moving and a great tool for self recognition. �*The schedule is as follows:
2:00-2:30: �*Meet and great (Talking allowed)
2:30: �*Tammi reads the “Letter to Guests”
3:00: Silence Begins
3:00-4:30: Various activities
4:30: Dinner and Desert
6:00: More activities
7:00: Personal letter writing time
8:00: Silence is broken, letters are read
9:00: Departure
Children, like always, are invited on the presumption they can control themselves enough to not distract others in their personal time. �*We have taken the liberty to invite approximately 30 friends, but please invite any other free thinkers who could positively contribute to the atmosphere. �*

Address: (place that is not her apartment)
Phone and all that
RSVP by 9/18 to….

Love,
Tammi, Luna and Gabriel

PS. �*Please enjoy the scrumptious treats in the gift bag attached. �*It is only a sample of what is to come! �*Contact me if you have allergy concerns.

I still can't believe it. �*I was convinced my husband made it up, but he denies it vehemently. Fortunately, we (Americans! �*Yay!) have a speaking dinner we're already going to, so we'll have to decline, even though it sounds pretty hilarious. �*Has anyone ever heard of a silent Thanksgiving before? �*The whole thing is a little crazy. �*It almost makes sense that Tammi has grown up with this stuff her whole life. �*I have a sense she's a little out of touch with reality, to put it mildly. �*I'm actually starting to fear her. �*

[katelynisspecial]

My husband's decided I'm too soft with my letters, so he's written his own. He plans to drop it off tomorrow morning.

Dear Tammi,
Sue and I got the invitation to your Thanksgiving event. It was very thoughtful of you to think to invite us. I have never heard of a silent Thanksgiving before! However, we already have plans to celebrate the holiday with Sue’s family. People of my heritage certainly celebrate Thanksgiving. In fact, my family moved to America from Japan when I was very young. We arrived here two weeks before Thanksgiving, and still celebrated the holiday that year, turkey and all. It is very customary for people who do not have direct family linkage to the Pilgrims to celebrate Thanksgiving. Actually, I think I may be more American than the Pilgrims because I am a citizen, while America wasn’t even a country yet when the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock, so I doubt they were legally residents. Native Americans really are the only “true” Americans, but we tend to equate a real American with a quite different type of person.

It was very kind of you to bake the cake. You sure have a talent!

Sincerely,
Ken

Do you think that's ok? I think it gets the point across quite well.

[katelynisspecial]

Sorry I didn't post anything earlier.�* My husband's been working, and I spent the evening with my friend and my kids.�* Earlier today, my husband called the police who worked on Eli's case and told him about the letters.�* He said to be on the lookout for anything threatening or physical.�* My husband did read one of the letters to him, and even he couldn't keep from laughing!�* He didn't think it was anything to worry about yet, but we did learn Tammi doesn't have a criminal record, which is a relief!

Anyways, I was anticipating getting home to see if there was a letter, and I wasn't disappointed!�* This one is a little weird, though.�* Tammi isn't only racist, but she's sexist too.�* �*


Dear Ken,
I truly wish men had the power to talk to women in a less haughty matter.�* I am sure you are not accustomed to thinking of a woman as the head of the household, so I know this experience may be new to you.�* I understand this, but hope you use our correspondence as a teaching tool and a way to discover your own prejudices about the roles of women, especially in western civilizations.�*

I never once said I thought you would not celebrate the Holiday of Giving Thanks, so I am a little baffled by your addition of your family history.�* If you are using this as a vessel to suggest your celebration of the holiday is more legitimate than that of a European woman, I detest the thought.�* We, as Americans, are all completely equal.�* However, if you meant the addition to be a leading pathway to the roads of discussion you wish to hold about your culture, I appreciate the gesture.�* Though I am generally more focused on religions of nations, I would be willing to allow you to speak and teach.�* Perhaps you could teach Gabriel how to make traditional Japanese treats and cultural activities such as Sumo and the ancient Tea Ceremony.�* Gabriel, to my dismay, often looks for a father figure, and sometimes bonds with the wrong time of men and women.�* I think you would be a sufficient father for Gabriel.

Your earlier resistance to cultural sharing has led me from this option a bit though, I must admit.�* I think men often have a hard time learning and realizing their true identity.�* It is for this reason alone women are superior.�* Only once one is their true self can they be all they can be.

Sue, I fear your husband is dominating your racial identity.�* He cannot treat you as if you two are participating in a kinky sex act.�* Just because he is Japanese does not mean you must assume yourself to be Japanese too.�* A woman loses a lot in marriage – her surname, profession, general freedom – but she must hold on to what is truly hers, her heritage.�* I invite you to come over (free of charge) for baked treats any time and talk about the issues you face in an inter-racial marriage.�* As a therapist, I have seen this difficulty an excessive number of times.�* I know exercises of self-realization that could be of great aid to you.�* I imagine you do not want poor Elijah and little Augusta learning from the example your husband may or may not be setting.�* My door is often open (In the sense that it is locked, but if you knock and either Luna or I are home, we will be pleased to let you in).�* If you would desire to speak to someone who is not as involved with your family, I could give you a fabulous recommendation.

I am truly sorry you are not able to attend our Silent Gathering, as you would have gotten so much out of it.�* We will be holding another gathering in November 2006.�* Please do not make any plans, as you will surely be invited.

Love,
Tammi

ETA:�* I'm the domineering one in this family, as are most wives I know.�* I think my husband and I may have to go over there tomorrow to talk to her.�* This letter writting thing is only making her more nutty.

Also, the strange thing is I have another neighbor who swears Tammi is a semi-regular person.�* He said he once went over to her house and felt uncomfortable because Tammi insisted on asking questions about his sexual orientation (he's gay), but that she was never rude or crazy, just, as he said, genuinely interested..�* I'm not one to diagnose stuff like this, but I think it may be some disease, not a weird obsession or violent threat.�* I sure hope I'm not wrong.

[katelynisspecial]

Well, we survived the encounter. �*It went better than I thought, and I don't think Tammi is a real threat, but plenty of scary stuff came out to. �*Basically:

- �*We told her very firmly that she was very insulting and hurtful, not to mention ignorant. �*She began to cry, but then insisted that that wasn't her her intent. �*According to her, she thought I was really Chinese but ashamed of my identity, and was trying to "help" me. �*I insisted that I was NOT Chinese, and that it was very rude of her to assume all this stuff, and my race really isn't her business at all. �*It was good telling her in person, because I think it helped her get the point.

- �*I think one of her purposes behind the letters was to get to be friends with me. �*She said over and over how she was just trying to get to know me, and I honestly think she's lonely and needs attention. �*However, there's something weird going on with her in the sense that she really detests my husband and doesn't want to get to know him, which may be true for all men in general, and I think that was a large part of the last letter.

- �*She is an unregistered therapist that helps people with...self recognition. �*Anyone know if this is legal? �*She said she mainly works with transgendered people to help them figure themselves out and even people who have find out they're adopted to work out their history and such. �*I'm not sure if this is the best job for her.

- �*Her daughter Luna's middle name is Asteroid.

- �*My husband asked if Tammi was having any problems (in a nicer way), and she got very quickly changed the subject.

- �*They were freshly baked muffins. �*We ate them only after seeing her have one. �*So far, we're ok.

I'm really not sure what to think. �*There is certainly something weird going on there, but I don't know what it is or how sever it is. �*She seemed genuinely surprised we were offended, so many she'll have got the point. �*We weren't terribly tough on her, but if anything at all happens again we'll march right over there with a third party and set her straight. �*I kind of want to keep an eye on her, especially for the sake of her kids. �*I'm interested to see what happens.

[katelynisspecial]

I thought this was over with, but we recieved another one (after telling her not to) at 10:30 tonight. It's equally clueless, but not quite as psycho.

Dear Sue and Ken,
I truly appreciate you stopping by today. I did not know you found me so offensive. You must know this was not my intent at all. So often, others mistake my attempts to help as vulgar. I do not know why this is, but will try in all my best interest to prevent this. Just last week, I was doing floral arranges with one of my close acquaintances. Her husband is a hunter, you see, and I told her very plainly I feared he’d pull the gun on her, as hunters tend to do. Much like you, she found this comment to be out of line. I did not intend for her to be hurt when I commented, but I truly fear for her life.

Though the race of your family still confuses me, I can accept that it is not my position. I myself have had personal recognition issues, so I do all in my power to prevent others from suffering. I did not feel comfortable sharing this with you in person, but years ago I decided I was a Lesbian and left my husband. However, just a few months later (because of reasons too crude to discuss), I learned I was truly heterosexual, but had lost my husband in the process of finding myself. He had already found another woman, so I was of no use to him. I do not intend to share overly personal stories with you as this tends to make for uncomfortable moments in circles, but I feel as if I should explain the reasons behind my actions. You must decide if they are acceptable to you or not.

You said you did not care to see me any more, and although that deeply hurt me, I will accept it. However, would it be possible for our children to become friends? Though cat and dog will always fight, there is no reason kitten and puppy cannot play. It is their purity that allows them to be free from the troubles of the world. I do not know what activities your children participate in, but mine have a variety of interests. Their main focus is in dancing. Luna is in high levels of Interpretive Dance, Hula and Tap. She also is involved in many flexibility classes as she has a special talent. Unfortunately, I doubt Eli could join her in any of these pursuits. Gabriel, however, is a master in his tumbling class and a beginning ballet class at (local studio) which Eli would be invited to join. Both kids also take yoga with me and attended knitting circle, and I’d love to have you, Eli and little August come along. Both Luna and Gabriel would be open to new activities, but I do not allow them to participate in anything competitive or that produces any sort of winner, loser or hierarchy. If none of these are an option, perhaps a more informal get-together is in order.

I apologize greatly for any harm I may have caused to your family. It surely was not my intent, but I must not deny that, as they say, your personal doings result in outcomes you must hold yourself accountable to. I fancy the best for your dear family.

Cheers,
Tammi

[katelynisspecial]

We just got another letter.�* Ugh.�* Yesterday, Ken took Tammi's son Gabriel out with our kids to play soccer, a sport his mother does not allow because it's competitive.�* It seems like him must have lied to his mom.�* What do we do now?

Dear Ken and Sue,
I must send a million thanks to your dear family.�* Gabriel came home beaming yesterday after spending many minutes with Ken, Eli and little August.�* You see, sometimes it is very difficult for me to find times to do activities with Gabriel.�* He is often unreceptive to the myriad of activities Luna and I propose.�* Anyway, he was so thrilled to get to paint pottery with your family.�* I heard all about the kitten he painted, what a creative and mind directing activity.�* Please drop the kitten off when it is finished, he has planned to give it to dear Luna as an appreciation for sharing her sisterly knowledge about the world, adolescence, dance and spirit.�* I do not know if you meant for this to be a surprise, but I am touched that Ken painted beads to string into a necklace for me.�* It is refreshing for a man to step out of his box of manliness and partake in the simple act of decoration. It is the simple wish of all women that their husband may feel so comfortable with his masculinity to become effeminate. Gabriel is fortunate to see the example Ken set yesterday.�* He is often unreceptive to our craft adventures, you see.�* It is such a relief to hear him talk so fondly of his painted cat.�* I must inform you, my neck is rather large and often gets irritated, so please make the necklace loose.

I feel in debt to your kindness.�* �*Later today, I am taking Lunie and Gabriel to a Family Disco at Deb’s Family Disco.�* Eli and little August (and both of you, as you make up the family) are certainly welcome to attend.�* Though I know my children have much more dance experience than your children, I do not think Eli and little August will be moved to embarrassment.�* Please respond promptly if you would like to join along.

Because of the kind crafts you and Gabriel made for me, I am pleased to present you with one of my pieces of art.�* I did not have the time to make an original work, but this is one of my favorites.�* I took you for more of the “pop art” type of family, so I picked the piece I found most appropriate.�* I hope it finds a comfortable place in your home.

With Love,
Tammi

[katelynisspecial]

So, many of you were right. Tammi wrote another letter on Thanksgiving (err, The Silent Holiday of Thanks). I'm not sure what to think.

Dearest Sue, Ken, Eli and Little August,
As I sit here in silence, I cannot help but reflect upon your family. I must say I am terribly envious. The warm air that radiates from your hearts is that of a pumpkin pie when being quickly seized from its oven. I am fortunate my children see what a typical family is. You understand – a mother, father, son and daughter. Sitting next to me is one of my closest friends (not the hunter’s wife). She is against monogamous relationships as they truly are not natural, and is not afraid to bring her partners home to her children. While I am blessed my children are exposed to this type of lifestyle, it has become clear that most of my friends are a little, as you’d say, “Out there”. I am glad we have the chance to interact with each other.
However, our friendship is not just a learning experience. Young Gabriel often has difficulty making friends because it seems children his age are so aggressive and confused. He cannot stop talking about what a great boy Eli is. I am sorry if this is the type of comment your family sees as an insult, but I sense Eli is very in touch with his femininity and not pressured to confine to manhood, as many his age do. It actually seems as if the gender roles are switched in your family, as little August often seems much more masculine than Eli. I do not think this is common in a family in which the parents play their “correct” gender roles. Now, I suppose this may sound odd and offensive, but I truly mean this as a compliment. I am inspired by your children. I myself fell for a manly man, and have suffered the consequence. I know your children will not make the same mistake.
On a very separate note, I have a request to make of you. I do not know if the Holiday of Giving Thanks is the proper time to bring this up, but it has been on my heart and in my mind. On the weekend of December 9 – 11, my sperm donor is coming into town. I have not seen him in years. He is now remarried. Do you know anyone who would be willing to spend some time with us and, quite truthfully, pretend to be my significant other? Money could be involved, and man or woman is ok. Nothing unspeakable (well, perhaps hand holding) is expected. I am afraid of being alone in front of him, as he would see it as “winning”. I wrote an announcement tonight, but so far nobody has offered. Please tell me if you find this terribly odd.
On a separate note, my family will be holding a Solstice party on December 23. All are invited. Formal invitation and baked treats to follow.
I sincerely hope you had a fabulous Thanksgiving, even if it was more orthodox. Turkey seems to be a universal idea of a good time.

With Love,
Tammi

[katelynisspecial]

We recieved this in the mail yesterday:

Sue and Ken (Lastname),
Hello, my name is Ruck. I am an ex-husband of Tammi’s. She has given me your address as a place to stay when we come and visit in about a week. I’m sure Tammi’s explained it all to you, but just in case she “forgot”, I’ll go over it again.
My woman and I are coming to New York the weekend of the 9th. We live up in Maine. We had planned on staying with another friend, but he backed out. Tammi won’t let us stay with her because she won’t give up her bed, and we’d probably all go crazy anyway. See, we’ll need a real bed, not a blow up mattress, because the woman’s fertilizing my seed and won’t feel comfortable on the floor. Also, a spare bathroom would be preferable. Tammi wasn’t sure if you had one bathroom or two. My wife is South Beaching, but we can bring our own food. Don’t worry about the cooking.
We can make ourselves pretty much invisible. We’ll be out late anyway, so you won’t have to worry about seeing us. Tam’s told me you have two kids. That’s great, my woman needs the training. That’s one of our main reasons for coming out, anyway. You should see the woman, she’s already sewed both the two dresses and a jacket. She’s into that kind of stuff.
I hope you’re good with us staying with you. Tammi told me (she won’t talk to the wife) that you guys love visitors. Tam told me it might be of interest to you that my wife’s Russian, but that might just be crazy talk. I bet you guys are going crazy living next to the Tamster. Imagine sleeping with her!
You guys seem like pretty cool people. I can’t wait to spend the weekend with you. If anything comes up, please call (phone #) or email me at (email address).

From.
Ruck (Lastname)

[katelynisspecial]

My husband called Ruck. He really did write the letter. He was very apologetic, but kept saying that Tammi said we were her close friends and that we'd love for them to stay with us. He didn't have a clue that we wouldn't want them at all. He did constantly refer to his wife as "the woman", though. Ken asked him if Tammi's had other problems with disturbing people, and he said she didn't. Supposedly, her biggest problem was "being a woman-f*cking hippie" (his words, not mine). He also says she's a compulsive lier (surprised?). I wonder what she's made up in all of this. He didn't seem too surprised, or too interested, in our whole ordeal though.

He said he wrote us because Tammi didn't know our phone number or address. He also asked if we knew any friends he could stay with . At least he is probably not going to randomly show up here. I'm still worried about Tammi though.

[katelynisspecial]

So… (sorry this is a little long)

My brother in law’s the nicest guy, but he really has that “tough cop” look. It seemed perfect for him to talk to Tammi, because she really couldn’t care less about what Ken and I say. My BiL (Shimon) came up with the idea that it’d be good to have him bring a tape recorder just in case we have to take legal action, as a record of what happened, and as a result we felt quite silly when we were taping the recorder under Shimon’s shirt. He went over at a time we knew Tammi was home and knocked on the door. He quickly established himself as a police officer and relative of ours, and Tammi went a little crazy. She started asking if she was being arrested and if she should get her lawyer and that he cannot do anything because he hadn’t given her the Miranda rights yet. Shimon was very good, and just said she wasn’t be arrested and this wasn’t official but he was just coming as a friend of ours. He asked if he could come in and talk to her, but she said she didn’t feel comfortable with having a man alone in her apartment. To her credit, I actually think this was a smart move, since I would never let a person who I do not know enter my apartment alone. He offered to get me to come inside too, and she accepted.

When we were in her apartment, Shimon told her simply that we don’t want to have any contact with her, and that it was very inappropriate to give our address to Ruck. I almost felt bad for Tammi. The whole time he talked to her, she was looking at me and saying things like “Well, Sherman (she couldn’t get the name right, even after corrected), I do not think you understand the situation. Sue and Ken want to remain friends with me.” I told her repetitively no, and Shimon said the same. It was very much like talking to a young child who wants to get their way. Shimon laid out the fact that if she disturbs us in any way one more time, we’ll have to get the cops involved.

After a few minutes, Shimon asked me to leave the room so he could talk to her alone. (As a side note, I went in to a nearby bedroom and saw one of the weirdest things ever. The largest bedroom in the house is filled with books. They are in bookshelves on wheels, and there must have been 20 bookshelves in a very small room. There was a sign on the wall about how the books must be arraigned. Alphabetical for fiction, Dewey decimal system for non-fiction. If there is more than one by the author, they are to be arraigned in publishing order. If there is two copies of the same book, a index card is to be placed in one copy and the other is to be storied in the book closet. On the bottom of the sheet was the phrase “grubby fingers leave a print”. The books I saw were all kinds of weird spiritual books, about healing crystals and the like. One was called “Love is in the Earth”. There was also one about “Vibration Medicine”. Honestly, I first thought it was sexual .Also, in the room was a plastic lawn chair. It was so peculiar. I want to get back in that house just so I can take a picture.)

According to Shimon and the recording, he then asked Tammi if she’d ever had any psychological problems. She said she’s had “You know, a fair deal, but a lot of them were just made up. Everybody’s insane after all”. He recommended she see a psychologist, and she was actually very receptive. He asked her why she keeps trying to engage with us after we’ve so obviously said no, and all she’d say on it was “they’re interesting”. He asked if this was because of our race, and she said “As a member of the European race, it’s our duty to learn about those other than ourselves. Too much of our time has been spent trying to purify the world, when really we should be expanding into one knowledged (sic) race.” For whatever reason, Shimon let the comment go. Tammi then commented that she’d wished we sent a female cop because “Male cops are notorious for being involved in sexual advantageous situations”. Shimon told her that that’s really not the case, and a little thing about how she cannot judge people like that, and how inappropriate it is to talk like that to anyone, much less a cop. He really handled himself well. We ended it by enforcing the no-contact-or-legal-action thing.

Shimon thinks there is something mentally wrong with her, but that it’s not great enough to do anything legal alone on it. She’s functioning well, and we’ve never seen any instances of child abuse. I do not know how you can force physiological help on someone who is not severely crazy. I guess we didn’t really get too far with the whole talk. However, if she keeps this up and we have to take legal action, we will.

My favorite quote from the whole thing is, when Shimon declined to have a treat, “But baked treats have the magical soothing power!”.

Let’s just hope this is the last update.

[katelynisspecial]

So, Ruck came (and left, I hope), without us even seeing him at all.�* I suppose this is a good sign.

My husband just brought the mail in.�* Sure enough, there's an ENVELOPE from Tammi.�* It's the holiday (err, Solstice) greeding card.�* In the envelope, there were pictures of the family (including an odd one of the Tamster naked, covered only by hands and hair, but the rest where cute, holesome pictures of the family), confetti (that's now all over the house), a homemade chocolate bar and Holiday carols printed on fancy paper.�* The only note in it was a generic "Happy Holidays" letter, which was a bit of a surprise.

The carols are too good not to share.�* Attached to them is a note that reads:

When I was a young girl, my mother would take our favorite holiday songs and transform them into our own personal special tunes.�* It was always a treat to be able to sing these carols in a secular nature.�* As soon as I could keep a beat, I joined in with her.�* I have been including them in our Solstice greeting since 1995, and many of you have came to love the tradition.�* I invite you to write your own and examine what you value in this holiday time.

With the warmest love,
Tammi

Oh Solstice by Tammi:
Solstice, oh Solstice, come light the feelings candles
Let’s have a memoriam, Luna will dance the hula
Gather round the holiday tree, I’ll make you a treat
Cooperative games to play and marzipan to eat.

And while we are reflecting
The memories are not low
One for each year, we will shed a sweet tear
To remind us of days long ago
One for each year, we will shed a sweet tear
To remind us of days long ago

Silver Memories by Tammi:
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks
Dressed in commercial holiday style
In the air
There’s a feeling
Of Solstice.

Children learning,
People sharing
Meeting embrace after embrace
On ev’ry street corner you’ll hear

Silver memories, silver memories
It’s Solstice time in the city
Ching-a-ling, hear them sing
Soon it will be Solstice night.

Little cat bites
Even love bites
Love a bright rainbow gleam
And the shoppers rush
Home with their useless commercial objects

Hear the snow crunch
See the kids have brunch
This is winter’s big scene.
And above all this bustle
You’ll hear,

Silver memories, silver memories
It’s Solstice time in the city
Ching-a-ling, hear them sing
Soon it will be Solstice night.

I'm Getting Gifts by Luna:
I broke my baton on Mindy’s head;
Somebody told the truth on me.
I hid slime on brother’s bed;
Somebody told the truth on me.
I spilled some juice on Mami’s rug;
I would never make Protus eat a bug;
Bought some herbs with a penny slug;
Somebody told the truth on me.

Oh, I’m getting’ nuttin’ for Solstice
Mami and not Daddy are mad.
I’m getting’ nuttin’ for Solstice.
‘Cause I ain’t been nuttin’ but bad.

I put an apple on teacher Lee’s chair
Somebody told the truth on me.
I put a bow in Gabby’s hair
Somebody told the truth on me.
I did an interpretative dance on Mami’s plants
Got some fabric and sewed some new plants
Gave a sweet kiss to all my aunts,
Somebody told the truth on me.

So I’m getting something for Solstice.
Mami and not Daddy aren’t mad.
I’m getting something for Solstice
Because I have not been bad.

I don’t believe in religious Santa Claus;
Somebody told the truth on me.
He won’t come visit me because
Somebody told the truth on me.
Next year I’ll know you can’t make people straight;
Nest year I’ll still be good, just wait
I’ve already started now, it’s not too late;
Somebody told the truth on me.

So you better be good whatever you do
Cause if you wrong, your conscience warns you.
You’ll get nuttin’ for Solstice.


Let There Be Peace on Earth by Gabriel:
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth, and peace that was meant to be!
With ourselves as our fathers, brothers and sisters all are we.
Let me walk with my sister Luna in perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me.�* Let this be the moment now.
With every breath I take, let this be my real promise;
To take each moment and live each moment in peace forever!
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me!

[katelynisspecial]

I really was not expecting to hear from Tammi again. After months with no letters or calls or anything, I thought we were finally done with her. Today, I got my mail like usual and found this:

Goddess Bless Canada, Our Home Sweet Home!

Dearest Sue, Ken, Eli and Little August,

As I work to compile year 2005 into scrapbooks for the children, I was reminded of the kindness shown by your abundant family to my feeble group and thought a little reunion was in order. In May, we, like the millions who have come before us, successfully crossed the border. As a family of immigrants, you have had the opportunity to experience the joys of national migration, but to my homogenous white-bread group, the border patrol was exhilarating. Luna took particular interest in the event and has begun drafting letters to politicians with the hopes that more women and children may safely cross the border as we did. I'm sure you share pride (and perhaps envy) in knowing that she has become an activist at such a young age.

Calgary is so much more than we expected. Luna and I love the warmth and hospitality of the city and its surroundings. Nevertheless, we have bugs in our underpants and are bundling up for our travel north. As you symbolically light fireworks in celebration of killing and pain, we hope to have made it to Edmonton.

How are the little ones? I will share you with the success of mine. Luna is becoming a friend instead of a daughter. In calendar years she's only 12, but she's physically 16 and mentally 30. She already is attracting stares of gorgeous young men, and is selectively returning the interest. Some day soon she and I will make quite the duo. I do hope Eli is paying the same attention to deserving young females. I have faith that Little August, with her beautiful shadowy hair and Asiatic skin pigment, will too receive marital attention in the not-so-distant future. Take faith that the men will clamor to her and she will never have to subject herself to feminine wiles. They grow up so quickly, but I love traveling with a pear instead of a daughter.

I too am striving. I have begun to draft a book about raising healthy and spiritual daughters in which I contrast my own rigid upbringing to the flourishing upbringing of Luna, with particular emphasis on raising daughters without the confining restrictions of men. It is part how-to, part autobiographical. I hope that other women can learn from my successes and raise equally healthy daughters. Though writing is a laborious and emotional task, through my tear stained pages I have experienced vast self-growth.

I truly hope you keep in touch. My favorite part of moving at such a rate is the acquisition of so many diverse friends and acquaintances. I will write again in either response to the letter you will send me or nearer to the holiday season. As they say in Canada, Au revoir!

With love,
Tammi, Luna and Gabby

Oh. My. God(dess). Where do I even begin? After rolling on the floor laughing for about ten minutes and calling Ken at work to recite the letter, I figured it'd be of interest to all of you.