Yes, I ask this question. I begin to wonder how much of our Christianity is real and how much is make-believe or a figment of our own imagination.

I spoke of David Hogan earlier this year, NOT asking if what he is doing is correct but rather asking if what is going on real in our lives. I ask it once more.

I am coming to a place where I MUST HAVE a reality of Christ Jesus living in me, of the reality of Hope of Glory, where Christ TRULY DWELLS in my heart by faith; Whe His Life is TRULY Manifested in and through me on this earth.

If it is not, then what good am I? What good is any of us, if this be not true in our lives?

Jesus told us that we cannot do NOTHING without Him. Well, we don't believe it. We live in denial of His life every day and PRESUME that He is blessing OUR IDEAS of ministry instead of going to Him and finding out what HE wants us to do.

Yes, it is far harder than just doind what WE THINK IS RIGHT, but then we will KNOW FOR A FACT that He is accomplishing what HE wants to do in and through us. What do I mean?

How many of us have run across someone who tells us we MUST witness for the Lord, or we MUST be soul winners, or we MUST be missionaries, or we MUST be workers; or FULL TIME MINISTERS, etc, etc, etc?

When have we actually gone to Jesus and asked Him what HE says about what HE desires for us? When have we stopped being BUSY and waited on HIM to do what HE has promised to do in our lives? When have we STOPPED speaking or preaching or teaching, or whatever to take the time to find our DIRECTLY FROM THE LORD what it is that HE wants us to do NOW?

No book will tell you this. No Bible, no minister, no prophet, no evangelist, no teacher, NO BODY will tell you what it is that Jesus desires for you to do EXCEPT JESUS HIMSELF!

It is for this reason that I am shutting things down for the most part. People get so upset by many of the things I write and I KNOW they are from the Lord, BUT somehow between my knowing and my writing and their reading, the message gets lost or some such thing.

Perhaps I am just too critical of myself. Perhaps this relates to something else entirely. I really do not know. All I DO KNOW is that a number of people see something that is not there or they assume is there, but it is NOT in me.

I must get COMPLETELY out of the way. There can be no other way. Dirk must truly be GONE!

Just like it says in Galatians 2: 20, I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ Himself lives in me and the life I now live in the flesh I live by the Faith of the Son of God Who loved me and gave Himself for me.

THAT, along with several other things, must be a reality in my life. Either what the Bible says is true or it is NOT TRUE at all. I have seen God at work in my life.

I have heard His voice. I have seen His Glory. I have been RUINED for a normal life in this world.

And to be honest, I still find myself with a desire to be just like everyone else. Not Really, but it DOES EXIST inside of me. At the same time, I KNOW I cannot remain as I am.

Does this make any sense to ANYONE?

My wife of 36 years does not really understand me, so how can any of you who are reading these words? My children see such a change in me, UNTIL the time comes (and it always does) when their WILL contradicts His will and His Truth and I speak what HE says. Then all of a sudden I am mean, ugly, hatefull, unloving, unkind, uncaring, evil, the worst person around.

Do you understand, I am NOT saying I am better than anyone else, all I am saying is the same things the Bible says, the same things the Lord is saying in that particular situation. I am REQUIRED to live in the same manner, allowing Him to conform my life to His ways and His commands and often failing, although not nearly as much as I used to.

This does not make me special. I just am NOT allowed to compromise. Not at all. This is a terrible thing to those who do not desire to follow the Lord at all (especially to those who desire to make a good showing by givng lip service to His ways), but even to those who have a desire to follow God, but still follow much of man's ways.

Then they become offended by some word spoken. They do not want it to be true, but there is little they can do to disprove it so they immediately, instinctively do what almost everyone does in situations like this; the same thing the PHARISEES did to Jesus; they do whatever they can to DISCREDIT THE SPEAKER!

Does this make me perfect? No. Does this make me right? No. But if the word spoken or written is true, then IT IS TRUE, despite the fact that some people do not want to hear it or even want it to be false.

I guess I am in good company.

Yet, my life must be more of Jesus and FAR, FAR less of me.

It is difficult to explain what I mean in human terms as what I refer to is so very spiritual. Again, this does NOT mean I live it all, all the time. Nor does it mean I am not subject to these same things. It just means, that the Lord speaks through me. THAT IS ALL!

I did not choose this. I did not really want it. (I used to THINK I wanted it, but that was before I knew what it really meant)

But no one wants to hear all of that. They would rather get offended at something I say and hold it against me using it all twisted into a lie to descredit me so they can reject His truth.

So, I must be in a position to KNOW and TRUST that the things I speak and write are HIS WORDS ALONE with no embellishment from me. How do I get to such a place?

Do you know? If so, tell me.

a bondslave in Christ Jesus, Dirk

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YES! Always less of ME & more of HIM. All I can get of Him, actually...all the time.

Hugs & Prayers...