New Application

Name/Alias: Alaela (the Forgotten, if you want to get fancy)

Age:15

Email: camalaya@hotmail.com

Messenger:
Msn: camalaya@hotmail.com
Aim: camalayaa

Your Character

Name: Alaela the Forgotten (again if you want to get fancy)

Age: Unknown, but looks 16 or 17

Gender: Female

Student/Teacher: Student

(If student)
Major on: Anything even close to magic and arcane lore.

Allegiance: Neutral

Race: Half Fallen Angel

Description
Eye color: Deep Red, like the dying embers of a fire. Full of emotion yet they reveal nothing more than their owner wants you to know
Hair: Long, flowing, and midnight black. You would expect it to be studded with stars.
Height: 5'
Personality: Quiet but intelligent. Given to sudden bursts of interest and sometimes can suprise you. Polite, and dangerous.You'd never know what hit you. Kind, and loyal, a friend in a tight spot if you ever needed one. Serene, yet troubled. A listening ear, and a storyteller. Death's swift kiss on silent wings. A gentle voice which calls on your memory. Everyone wonders, surely they cannot have seen her before!

Powers: 1 and 2=Fire and water magic, learned from her family before they died. 3=Flight, a gift of her father and her silky black wings that she got from him. The only thing she got from him that she liked. 4=Fangs, not neccesarily for feeding off humans because Alaela is only a half breed, but can be used on those that make enemies of her. 5=A compelling voice. If she uses this power on you, you have to do everything she says. Only protection? Earmuffs.

Strength: Magic

Weakness: Is afraid of being left behind... forever.

Extra: A ruby embedded in her forehead, to control her darker powers.

History:

The child of a mortal and a fallen angel, Alaela was born with black hair and red eyes, and skin pale as death. To her parents, she was beautiful, to her village, she was an abomination. Tormented daily by the other children, her mother was at last forced to flee to keep her daughter safe. They found themselves in a forest when morning came, and Alaela's father was with them.
She spent the rest of her childhood happy, without the spiteful village children all around her. Her mother taught her about the forest, and what lived in it. She learned about herbs and foods, what animals were where and how to deal with them. Her father educated her in magic, so she could protect herself when she had to return to the world. She was an eager student, and a benevolent child.
On the day of her 15th birthday her father and mother decided it was time to bring her into the world again. They spent a year, traveling from town to town, half the time running from villagers, the other half seeing the world. But Alaela could see her mother's mind slowly slipping away.
On the night before her 16th birthday she and her mother were bargaining for a room at an inn. Her father had disappeared as he was sometimes wont to do, so Alaela and her mother were on their own. Normally they wouldn't have bothered with a room, but Alaela's mother was getting worse, and they needed somewhere with walls to stay in.
The innkeeper was a nice man, with a family of his own, and he gladly let the young woman and her mother have a room. Alaela helped her mother get there, but it was no use. As soon as they entered the room, and Alaela closed the door did her mother lose her mind completely. She started turning over things and muttering to herself. Alaela watched helplessly. Her mother became more and more furious, and then scared, her voice never going above a mumble. Alaela stood up to try and calm her, to do something, but she looked at Alaela with pure terror written all over her face. She turned and jumped out the window, landing and breaking her neck. She died instantly. Alaela could do nothing but try and sleep this living nightmare away. In her dreams that night she was visited by her father, and under his direction gave herself over to the powers hidden inside of her. Her body would never age over 16, and she inherited her father's black wings, and teeth.
But that was not the end of her tragedy. She could not control them, and often attacked villages in a lust for violence. Afterward she was consumed by a despair as heavy as the lives she'd taken in a mindless rage. She called for her father every night, and yet he did not come. It seemed, that she was all alone.
One evening as she was making a fire to avoid thinking, she turned around to see her father behind her. He had heard her calling for him, and he came with a gift. He pressed his ice cold hand to her forehead, and chanted. He chanted for a long time, but it seemed like nothing to Alaela, she was overjoyed that at least someone still cared about her. When her father stopped chanting he held up a mirror for his daughter. In the center of her forehead there was a ruby. She looked at it hard. There was something dark inside, that shifted around, looking for a way out. It was obvious it would never find a way. She knew that she could control her powers now, and looked up to thank her father, but he was gone. The wind blew a soft kiss at her cheek and whispered to her, "This should help." It was then she left her solitude and came back into the world.

well it looks fine, except for a few things,

you say you have the power over fire and water magic. What sort of magic exactly? Can you shoot balls of fire and water? Or can you master these elements? I would like some more information about that.

Than, in your history is alot about your life, which is good, but it doesn't explain how your character ended up here at Blacktides, try and add that.

Everything else should be fine.

Actually, and i trully apologize for this, the racial questions have changed, everything is connected to dragon bloods and such, otherwise you would not be at blacktide, unless you were a teacher, teachers can however be other races, i just wanted to add that, my apologies for the discomfort.

Well, when I say fire and water magic I basically mean the manipulation of fire and water. Sorta like fireballs but not quite. Sort of like telekenesis controlling flame and water, like to make a tidal wave or a fire cyclone... Does that make sense?

I'm not sure what you mean... do you mean like Alaela has to be related in some way to dragons?

And here's the add on to the history that you wanted:

The world still rejected her, but she did not give up. She took to hiding her face when she traveled, so that no one would know what she really looked like. One night she was sharing a fire with some travelers. She was silent, listening to them talk. They spoke of Blacktides, a place full of unusual people of all races. A place of learning. Alaela asked them where it was, and when morning came she left them sleeping, headed for Blacktides...


And another question about the race... Does Alaela have to be a halfbreed, or does she have to have it somewhere in her ancestry?

yes as a student you need to be a halfbreed, can you please alter it to that, my apologies for the discomfort

I'll revamp the submission with that little detail shortly.

Still, I'd like to comment a bit on this application... The powers: please detail them more. You already did so in a manner with the 'power over fire/water', which in essence is pyromancy/hydromancy. But the compelling gaze feels somewhat overpowered. Weakwilled should do as ordered, but otherwise resistant / strongwilled individuals might stand up to it. Give some details, it can really help (like 'as long as they keep in direct sight of her' etc, tweak it down a bit...)

As far as strengths/weaknesses:
You mention magic... well, that's already under powers. Consider these non-power related issues. Is she a good dancer? Can she give a helluva massage? Or has she mastered an instrument / weapon? Mention it under strength. Weaknesses, well... in your case the 'never want to be alone' bit feels a little ... weak as a weakness. Is she afraid when alone? Compulsively neeeeeeding someone around?

Just having some trouble picturing your character, that's all.

Alright... here are the fixes (sorry they are so late, my computer broke):

Strength: Alaela can sing very well. She is good at making up her own music and words and doesn't care if people look at her funny when she does. She sings with her heart and soul, coaxing the words out from deep inside. Her voice is different, mysterious, and her song strange and beautiful.

Weakness: Alaela is dreadfully afraid of being abandoned by everyone. She gained this fear after being betrayed many many times by people she had come to trust. She finds it hard to believe that anyone could ever like her, and is convinced that no one likes her at all. She needs to know that she will not be left behind, or cast away. She gets paralyzed by this fear, and there is no telling when or where. She could be in her room reading or doing something really important that other people depend on her for.

Race: Half-Breed

Or do I need to re submit this application with the corrections? I guess I will do that....