PSA: Comics, If you don't laugh, then you suck.

Greetings, fair readers, my name is Doc. I like comics, in fact, I really, really like comics. It has come to my attention that some of you think "comics suck, manga rocks" or you have this perception of comic book fans. Well, you couldn't be more wrong than that, because Shuu likes comic books, and he looks better than that. Besides Shuu, as cool as he is, I like comics, Kyon likes them, Janos likes them--all the cool people (and me) like comics.

Let me clear up some points for those of you who love to get offended:

1. I am not talking about webcomics. If you love webcomics and think that I would dare insult them, chill. I'm talking about comic books, graphic novels, and the like, douchebag.
2. I am not insulting manga. I like manga, I really do. I've probably read more than most of you (except Kyon and Ryoma, sheesh), and I've read every manga Tsutomu Nihei has ever written. I really like manga, but I'm not talking about it--I'm saying comic books are just as good. I do realize this might offend some of you, and I'm sorry--your perceptions of the comic book industry are biased.

Alright, now, what could be wrong with me? Most of you probably think that comic books are about men in tights doing stupid things because they have small reproductive organs. You are correct, if you mean some comic books. Why do I say this? Well, some superhumans have rather large penises/sexual organs, and beyond that, some comic books aren't really about heroes or villains or the like, they're about the soul.

Super powers are lame. Sure, sometimes they're cool, like with Jakita Wagner, from Planetary. She's just awesome. Because she smashes big bugs. And she's not the main hero. And she isn't an idiot with her powers. And her breasts aren't unrealistically huge. And she's cool. And... I could go on. The point is she's not some person who randomly gets different powers just because the auther accidentally put her in a bad situation, and she's a well-written character. I'll get back to it later.

On the whole, super powers are lame, retarded, and can be dealt with by people without powers.

"So, then," you ask, "what else could comics be about?"

Allow me to introduce you to comics that kick ass without being really, really stupid. Okay, not Deadpool, but other comics.

Warning: All comics listed here should be read by mature readers only.

1. Transmetropolitan: Okay, this may be the best comic book I have ever read. He's a newspaper man, and not a little cranky (first ish, he blows up a bar with a rocket launcher). He has no powers, in fact, I don't think anyone does in this comic. He has a two-headed cat, he writes the most amazing newspaper articles I've ever read, and he kills people with his phone. He has the power to make even the President shit himself, and his assistant used to be a hooker. He also dresses up like god. The writing is cynical but deep. If you really think about what you're reading, you'll realize that Ellis isn't just trying to entertain you here: he's really bitching about the world we live in. Besides, this is just awesome. This comic had me hooked by the third page, and few comics do that. Not only that, but it has refused to let me go, which makes it one of the best comics I've ever read.

2. Sandman. Um... It's by Neil Gaiman, so you can bet it's gonna be good. It's... weird. It's amazing. It's not perfect, but damn is it good. The art is kinda old, but the comic is from the early nineties. It's slow at times, but it's worth every penny download. I wouldn't buy it, but maybe that's just me. So far, the best two arcs are "A Game of You," and the one with Rose Walker. Those, plus the first arc, and the occasional one-shot are all that really grab the reader, but as I get further into it, I'm seeing Gaiman put the pieces together, bit by bit... Everything seems connected, but I do see the occasional dead end at times (Midsummer Night's Dream ish, for one).

Still, this is Sandman. It's not legendary for no reason.

3. Deadpool. Any title you can get with the merc with a mouth, DO SO! He's funny, he's awesome, and he regenerates. Oh yeah, he saved the world once, too, but nobody cared. He's also not afraid to break the fourth wall.

4. Agent X. Read all of Deadpool, and then read Agent X. Just... don't die laughing.

5. Ultimate Marvel Universe: Any Ultimate Marvel title will give you a basic idea of who everyone is, what they do, and all that fancy stuff. Also, Brian Micheal Bendis writes Ultimate Spiderman, which means it's very, very good (it is; I've read all 112 issues--most of that in three days).

6. V for Vendetta: If you read one comic book in your lifetime, you'd better at least regret you didn't read Alan Moore's V for Vendetta. The movie sucked, at least in comparison to the book (I saw half the movie and loved it, but the book is just... so more intense). If you're a homophobe or hate drugs, this isn't for you. Man, I need some LSD... No. V is not her father. He says so. "I am not your father." Like that.

Justice is a h0r.

7. The Watchmen: Who watches the Watchmen? One of the Watchmen, of course! I wouldn't say this is better than V for Vendetta, but it's definitely worth the read. Only 12 issues long, it's really slow at times, but like Sandman, it's worth it. Now if only there was a way to kill the blue dude...

8. Planetary. Comics are not supposed to be intelligent! (that's DC's motto) Planetary, unfortunately for DC, has raped this motto, stomped on it, burned it, and done a lot of other very nasty things. Planetary is the creation of Warren Ellis, and it is perhaps one of the most engaging, intellectual comics I've ever read. Comics that make me think are important, you know, because they keep my brain from turning to mush. Ellis did a great job of hooking everything up at the end, but he left us hanging--rumor has it that issue 27 isn't far away. It makes nods to everyone, from Holmes to the Fantastic Four to Godzilla to James Bond. I love this aspect of it, and the humor is good too.

9. Desolation Jones. I'll be frank. This comic book is probably the best one I have mentioned so far. The artwork (until issue 7) is gorgeous, the writing is incredible, and there is HITLER PORN! Hideake and Jones... are like... soul mates.

10. 100 Bullets. I am not Latino, which would have made the first three issues easier to read. I am, however, someone who rather likes suits and guns and things. Just wait for the story to unfold, because by issue ten, this comic has paralleled even me in its complexity!

11. Preacher. Just... just read it. Preacher is what you get when Devils and Angels fuck. It's pure awesome, and it's probably the funniest comic shit I've read (other than Transmetro and Deadpool/Agent X). It is what epic writing is all about, and if you don't read it, you might as well just fade away into nothing. This is a typical preacher encounter. [part 2] [part 3]

12. The Boys. I hate superheroes, I really do. In fact, I don't just hate them, I hate them with a pathological hatred that few can even hope to comprehend. The Boys is my cure. See, nobody ever seemed to realize that having powers meant you can make everybody your bitches. Ennis did (he wrote Preacher and Transmetro, by the way), and took it to the extreme. Not only that, but Ennis showed how hypocritical and idiotic superheroes really are. He makes them seem less human than some people want us to believe (fuck you, Jiminez), and, well, the result is awesome.

The Boys are a crew of people who take out superheroes by any means necessary. Some superheroes, like the Irish "Blarney Cock," aren't just jackasses, they're horrible monsters. Blarney stuck a hamster up his ass and taped it in. Another superhero raped Butcher's wife, and Little Hughie's girlfriend was killed by the errant speedster A-train.

This is the only comic that could possibly HOPE to Out-preacher Preacher.

Go wiki these, kids.

Comics are awesome, but super powered beings are even better. I'll admit heroes that suddenly get super powers that get them out of certain situation is lame, but there are also those that just rock! That stud muffin Captain Marvel could mess you up so bad, but he chooses not too! Because he has strong morals! Morals that he passes on to his readers! Wonder Woman is an awesome female icon, inspiring us to be wonderful and big breasted! *Curses her asian genes!* But beware my internet friend, there are those that are so awesome, they are just awesome.

Beware Lobo! Beware Deadpool! The two best comic book people ever to live!

...and the post is done...

*donks Ping*

Any praise of WW, even mock praise, should be direct to her breasts and solely to her breasts. Or the artwork of Adam Hughes.

http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e265/Doc...sChristmas5.jpg

I love Christmas.

I only like a few manga, like Naruto...and horror manga that show snowmen who HAVE come to life and people burn out their stomachs. Bill Waterson would be proud . I'm totally into comics and graphic novels, though. And probably one of the few people who aren't bothered by the Marvel movies, because seriously, Marvel has no serious continuity so their movies are just another alternate universe to me. Similar stories and origins, different action and sides of the main stuff.

*Whacks Ping* And no Wonder Woman for you...unless it's like this: http://www.superdickery.com/bondage/1.html

*Can't stand DC* But yay for Deadpool and his Shoryuken! Or throwing grenades at women and daring to say the best line ever. "I like my women like I like my chicken. Extra crispy." *Giggles like she did when she first read it*

What horror manga are you talking about? I've read all I can, which is very few...

Ever read Gyo/Uzumaki? (Uzu made me fear snails...)

I love Planetary because it makes me hate DC more. I feel fulfilled when I read it; I feel justified in my hate.

http://www.wikiupload.com/download_page.php?id=202733

Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E.

If you aren't laughing by page five, you're fucked up. Or you don't know about Civil War, S.H.I.E.L.D., Nick Fury, or anything of Marvel.

"When she died, her mother went to Hell, and is used as a bucket by giant weasels dressed as cheer-leaders. And that's what happens when you tell your kids to get a proper job."

Parasite and Petshop of Horros were my favorites. Confidential Confessions, while being based on real things, always makes me shudder and inch away from whoever's standing closest to me at that moment. *Shudder* Creepy freaks and stalkers...>_<. Kami Kaze for the win! There was one...*Thinks hard* Perfection Blue? Something like that, but it was about a serial killer who was trained to be a demon since he was a child, he killed his handlers and ended up on a cruise ship and pretty much annihilated the staff and had a huge shoot out with people just like him and killed them all. He ended up dying too and the survivors threw his body overboard and someone found him and thought he was dead. Then his eyes opened. And it was over. Freakin' hardcore, yeah! And then Baroque was just a messed up story that was scary because it was confusing.

That's just a few I can remember

Deadpool is my hero...... Really, I worship him. He was pretty funny during the Marvel civil war, which was so awesome. I highly suggest reading it if you havn't, since it has some ground breaking stuff in it. Like when wolverine goes Fing nuts and hunts that guy down. Freaking Awesome. He gets all of his skin/muscles/ everything but his skeleton blown away and STILL comes back and kicks ass.

The watchmen was cool, and I like the super hero murderer convention in sandman. But I read those both a while ago, so I may be fuzzy on the details. Another comic that is really amazing would have to be 300 ((Which is far better than the movie)) Sin City ((Ditto)) and the Dark Knight. I don't care if you fucking hate batman's guts, when he uses guns and is 60, still kicking ass, then you have to recognize he is one bad ass mofo.

Oh, and two manga's I found scary would be Arm Of Kanon and Battle Royal.

AHAHAHAHA!!! YES!!! THE BOAT ONE! It should still be on omanga, provided omanga didn't fail again. It's not Perfect Blue, though; that's a horror anime by whatshisface.

Takai, Battle Royale may be the second-greatest manga ever. It's pure awesome, put up in a blender, and mixed together on the "puree" setting.

...this is about comics

I just finished Transmetropolitan, and now I am convinced it's the best comic book in the entire world.