Greetings, fair readers, my name is Doc. I like comics, in fact, I really, really like comics. It has come to my attention that some
of you think "comics suck, manga rocks" or you have this
perception of comic book fans. Well, you couldn't be more wrong than that, because Shuu likes comic books, and he looks better than that. Besides Shuu, as cool as he is, I like comics, Kyon likes them, Janos likes them--all the cool
people (and me) like comics.
Let me clear up some points for those of you who love to get offended:
1. I am not talking about webcomics. If you love webcomics and think that I would dare insult them, chill. I'm talking about comic books, graphic novels, and the like, douchebag.
2. I am not insulting manga. I like manga, I really do. I've probably read more than most of you (except Kyon and Ryoma, sheesh), and I've read every manga Tsutomu Nihei has ever written. I really like manga, but I'm not talking about it--I'm saying comic books are just as good
. I do realize this might offend some of you, and I'm sorry--your perceptions of the comic book industry are biased.
Alright, now, what could be wrong with me? Most of you probably think that comic books are about men in tights
doing stupid things because they have small reproductive organs. You are correct, if you mean some
comic books. Why do I say this? Well, some superhumans have rather large penises/sexual organs, and beyond that, some comic books aren't really about heroes or villains or the like, they're about the soul
Super powers are lame. Sure, sometimes
they're cool, like with Jakita Wagner
, from Planetary. She's just awesome. Because she smashes big bugs. And she's not the main hero. And she isn't an idiot with her powers. And her breasts aren't unrealistically huge. And she's cool. And... I could go on. The point is she's not some person who randomly gets different powers just because the auther accidentally put her in a bad situation, and she's a well-written character. I'll get back to it later.
On the whole, super powers are lame, retarded, and can be dealt with by people without powers.
"So, then," you ask, "what else could comics be about?"
Allow me to introduce you to comics that kick ass without being really, really stupid. Okay, not Deadpool, but other comics.Warning: All comics listed here should be read by mature readers only.
1. Transmetropolitan: Okay, this may be the best comic book I have ever read. He's a newspaper man, and not a little cranky (first ish, he blows up a bar with a rocket launcher). He has no powers, in fact, I don't think anyone does in this comic. He has a two-headed cat, he writes the most amazing newspaper articles I've ever read, and he kills people with his phone. He has the power to make even the President shit himself, and his assistant used to be a hooker. He also dresses up like god. The writing is cynical but deep. If you really think about what you're reading, you'll realize that Ellis isn't just trying to entertain you here: he's really bitching about the world we live in. Besides, this
is just awesome. This comic had me hooked by the third page, and few comics do that. Not only that, but it has refused to let me go, which makes it one of the best comics I've ever read.
2. Sandman. Um... It's by Neil Gaiman, so you can bet it's gonna be good. It's... weird. It's amazing. It's not perfect, but damn is it good. The art is kinda old, but the comic is
from the early nineties. It's slow at times, but it's worth every
download. I wouldn't buy it, but maybe that's just me. So far, the best two arcs are "A Game of You," and the one with Rose Walker. Those, plus the first arc, and the occasional one-shot are all that really grab the reader, but as I get further into it, I'm seeing Gaiman put the pieces together, bit by bit... Everything seems connected, but I do see the occasional dead end at times (Midsummer Night's Dream ish, for one).
Still, this is Sandman. It's not legendary for no reason.
3. Deadpool. Any title you can get with the merc with a mouth, DO SO! He's funny, he's awesome, and he regenerates. Oh yeah, he saved the world once, too, but nobody cared. He's also not afraid to break the fourth wall.
4. Agent X. Read all of Deadpool, and then read Agent X. Just... don't die laughing.
5. Ultimate Marvel Universe: Any Ultimate Marvel title will give you a basic idea of who everyone is, what they do, and all that fancy stuff. Also, Brian Micheal Bendis writes Ultimate Spiderman, which means it's very, very good (it is; I've read all 112 issues--most of that in three days).
6. V for Vendetta: If you read one comic book in your lifetime, you'd better at least regret you didn't read Alan Moore's V for Vendetta. The movie sucked, at least in comparison to the book (I saw half the movie and loved it, but the book is just... so more intense). If you're a homophobe or hate drugs, this isn't for you. Man, I need some LSD... No. V is not her father. He says so. "I am not your father." Like that.
Justice is a h0r.
7. The Watchmen: Who watches the Watchmen? One of the Watchmen, of course! I wouldn't say this is better than V for Vendetta, but it's definitely worth the read. Only 12 issues long, it's really slow at times, but like Sandman, it's worth it. Now if only there was a way to kill the blue dude...
8. Planetary. Comics are not supposed to be intelligent! (that's DC's motto) Planetary, unfortunately for DC, has raped this motto, stomped on it, burned it, and done a lot of other very nasty things. Planetary is the creation of Warren Ellis, and it is perhaps one of the most engaging, intellectual comics I've ever read. Comics that make me think are important, you know, because they keep my brain from turning to mush. Ellis did a great job of hooking everything up at the end, but he left us hanging--rumor has it that issue 27 isn't far away. It makes nods to everyone, from Holmes to the Fantastic Four to Godzilla to James Bond. I love this aspect of it, and the humor is good too.
9. Desolation Jones. I'll be frank. This comic book is probably the best one I have mentioned so far. The artwork (until issue 7) is gorgeous, the writing is incredible, and there is HITLER PORN! Hideake and Jones... are like... soul mates.
10. 100 Bullets. I am not Latino, which would have made the first three issues easier to read. I am, however, someone who rather likes suits and guns and things. Just wait for the story to unfold, because by issue ten, this comic has paralleled even me in its complexity!
11. Preacher. Just... just read it. Preacher is what you get when Devils and Angels fuck. It's pure awesome, and it's probably the funniest comic shit I've read (other than Transmetro and Deadpool/Agent X). It is what epic writing is all about, and if you don't read it, you might as well just fade away into nothing. This is a typical preacher encounter.
] [part 3
12. The Boys. I hate superheroes, I really do. In fact, I don't just hate them, I hate them with a pathological hatred that few can even hope to comprehend. The Boys is my cure. See, nobody ever seemed to realize that having powers meant you can make everybody your bitches. Ennis did (he wrote Preacher and Transmetro, by the way), and took it to the extreme. Not only that, but Ennis showed how hypocritical and idiotic superheroes really are. He makes them seem less human than some
people want us to believe (fuck you, Jiminez), and, well, the result is awesome.
The Boys are a crew of people who take out superheroes by any means necessary. Some superheroes, like the Irish "Blarney Cock," aren't just jackasses, they're horrible monsters. Blarney stuck a hamster up his ass and taped it in. Another superhero raped Butcher's wife, and Little Hughie's girlfriend was killed by the errant speedster A-train.
This is the only comic that could possibly HOPE to Out-preacher Preacher.
Go wiki these, kids.
This account will no longer be active as of October 5.