Grad Sq, Judge please

Name: Azou Crow
Level/Rank: 1/ AS
Desired Rewards: Genin Rank, any Lp if possible



Crow awoke in his bed, and let out a loud yawn as he crawled out of bed. He walked into his kitchen where his mom was standing and cooking a warm breakfast. Crow sat at the table and noticed a small piece of paper with his name on it. The paper was about his graduation and the specifics it had. The biggest point he noticed was that he had to spar one opponent based on test scores.

Crow was over joyed with the fact he would spar with someone based on a test score. Despite the fact he could not use ninjutsu or genjutsu he was rather good when it came to the knowledge of it. His scores usually were rather high so most likely he would be fighting one of the better members of the class. It would be a thrill to fight someone that would be a challenge.

Without even looking at the date he realized that it was the present days date. Crow Jumped from the table and ran for the door. When he got to the door he realized he forgot to put on his cloths. He quickly ran to his room and through on his gear and headed for the academy. When he came close he noticed the students were already lined up outside. He was at the end of the line and anxiously awaited the exam.

In front of him was a young kid named Ryu who was only seven years old and was about to graduate. He was rather big but also smart and great with his techniques. To Crow's knowledge he was in no clan so he most likely had no secret techniques. Maybe this would be his challenger, a most fit candidate for the battle. It would be the battle of pure talent versus pure motivation.

The young students stepped into the large class room and took their seats. On both sides of the room were numerous chuunin with sheets of paper in their hands. Starting from the top they began to hand a stack of papers depending on the number of students seated in the row. When Crow received his he noticed the instructions that stated when received to begin.

He began on the test working steadily not even looking at anything other than the test. There were fifty total questions on the test, each page becoming more difficult. When he got to the number forty he noticed the boy Ryu hand in his test and walk out of the class room. Now there was no doubt in Crow's mind that Ryu would be his opponent. When Crow reached question fifty, he stood up without making a noise, handed in his exam and headed out the door.

A hour passed and when the final test were finished the opponents were selected. Crow looked for his name on the sheet hoping his prediction would be right. He found his name right next to Ryu's and he new there was no chance he would lose. He turned and noticed Ryu with an evil grin on his face, but it didn't effect Crow if that was his intention. Crow simply just walked passed him without even looking at him.


CROW VS. RYU!!!!

Crow stood across from Ryu with a stern look on his face looking straight into his eyes. Both ran at each other at amazing speed. Ryu flung his fist for Crows stomach while Crows leg was aiming for Ryu's head. Both connected and it was easy to see that the kick did more damage. This time Ryu thought it out making clones while running. Crow stood his ground awaiting for the right time to strike. Crow picked out the real Ryu and with a swift uppercut knocked him into the air. At that moment Crow jumped up over Ryu and slammed his leg into his stomach. Ryu fell down to earth, passed out and defeated.

Crow received his head protector and walked away. He was finally a genin.

Hmm...Let's see here...

This seems a little bit rushed. Everything happens so quickly, and it makes it kind of hard to follow. Try this again...

Take your story and look at the actions your performing.

You could easily stretch this out a bit. Perhaps Crow didn't just wake up. Maybe he at first felt the sun on his face, causing him to stir. Maybe his eyes would open fist and notice an out of place spot on the ceiling.

Also, any thoughts that your character have should be expanded. You have a few in there, but I'm pretty sure he's thinking while doing pretty much anything.

Grammar and spelling are doing fairly well. There was only one paragraph that had a few mistakes.


So try to expand this a little. Make it longer, and make it more descriptive of actual events. Definitely make the battle longer and more detailed, as that's the height of entertainment in this SQ.

EDIT: PM me when you've expanded this, and I'll take another look at it.