Hmm...Let's see here...
This seems a little bit rushed. Everything happens so quickly, and it makes it kind of hard to follow. Try this again...
Take your story and look at the actions your performing.
|Crow awoke in his bed, and let out a loud yawn as he crawled out of bed.|
You could easily stretch this out a bit. Perhaps Crow didn't just wake up. Maybe he at first felt the sun on his face, causing him to stir. Maybe his eyes would open fist and notice an out of place spot on the ceiling.
Also, any thoughts that your character have should be expanded. You have a few in there, but I'm pretty sure he's thinking while doing pretty much anything.
Grammar and spelling are doing fairly well. There was only one paragraph that had a few mistakes.
So try to expand this a little. Make it longer, and make it more descriptive of actual events. Definitely make the battle longer and more detailed, as that's the height of entertainment in this SQ.
EDIT: PM me when you've expanded this, and I'll take another look at it.