Things better left forgotten., (Snippets from Vaigans past)

[Vaigan]

*******

The fighting had stopped, at least for now, and even though the Greeks had retreated back onto the shore and off the waters, Vaigan knew that the fighting wasnt over. His father lived for war an he'd never understood it, never understood the blood thirst, the need to kill his enemies. Then again he didnt have any true enemies, and he was glad because to act that way towards someone he barely knew would be foolish. This was the first war he'd seen firsthand, the first war in which his father had let him fight, and at 20 years old it was a dissapointment. He should have been fighting a long time ago, doing what he was born to do, but the fates had burned him, gave him the health of fifty year old man, and thats the only thing at this moment in time that Vaigan hated, apart from his father. At this moment in time he hated everything to do with the man, despised him, and that was the only thing that gave him a glimpse of what his father felt like every timwe they faced the Romans. Well if thats what it felt like, then the Romans where doomed.

Sweating, dirty and covered in blood from battle Vaigan walked along the corridors of him home, passing idle soldiers as they looked at him and sniggered. If he werent a better man he was have turned to hit them, but he only wanted his anger aimed at his father. never before had he had the courage to stand up to the man, but now he'd had enough and there was no telling what he would do. Sandakked boots stomped upon the floor as he walked, every movement itching with the sand that covered him. His long hair was tied back in trditional tie at the base of his neck, and that alone signalled how highly he was held by the Greek court. To them he was just another common soldier dressed in the drab gold and red colours of his army uniform. As first son of the general he should have been wearing a small platt down the side of his face to signify his status. Instead though he had been forced to be common, his father too ashamed to admit to the rest ofthe world that he could have a son so worthless.

Anger spurning him he reached his fathers door and bloodied, dirty hand moved towards the handle to open it without knocking. Suddenly though he paused as he heard muffled voices through the thick wood panel and instead of barging in he craned his head a little closer to the wood to hear. "You cannot let him fight again Ajax, he is am embarassment...." he heard his fathers second in command hiss, and it stabbed him that even someone who didnt know anything about him other than rumours would say such a thing. "He came home in a worse state than any of the other living soldiers, and he was exhuasted before we'd even started fighting. He fit for nothing more than a pretty face, there is no worrier within him..." the second in comman continued, and Vaigan leant a little closer to hear his fathers reply. "He didnt die did he? Thats always a good sign..." Ajax replied to the lower soldier, and a glimmer of hope raged through Vaigan heart. His father had never said a kind word to him, and even though they werent exactly kind words, they where somewhat in favour of him. Lost a moment in hope Vaigan missed what the other man said, and only heard his father again. "You right, i can let him humilate me. I am to be respected and he brings nothing but tarnish to my name. my name was tarnished enough when i married his mother, i will not be lowered again..." Ajax spat, sending fury through Vaigan.

Without thinking Vaigan moved once again to open the door, but this time his dirty wrist was caught in a gentl yet firm hand. With anger his his eyes he turned to the one who had caught him only to have his features soften at the sight of her. He was ever weak towards his mother and slowly he pulled his wrist down, allowig her much smaller form to pull him away from the door somewhat, out of the prying eyes of the other soldiers. Once in solitude she released his wrist, bringing her soft delicate hands to the skin on his cheek, wiping away the gritted dirt. "Gios..." she muttered, ever coddling him like he was still a boy. He didnt mind though, he'd tolerate anything for her. "Matisera..." he muttered the anceint word for mother in Greek, turning his eyes away. "Why didnt you tell me my father treated you so. Those words he spoke in their are not befitting of you... explain..." His tone was somewhat demanding and yet she didnt turn her blue eyed gaze away.

Vaigan heard the sad note in her voice as she spoke, and it hit him right at the center of his being. "You father just speaks how he has been raised. I am lower than his nobility and therefore when he married me his name was tarnished. He'd spent so long fighting for his name to be as it was not so long ago, as he loves me to much to let me go for something so stupid..." she replied, and it stung the blonde, stung him so hard that he turned his face away from her touch, blue eyes cast to the ground. "Then why couldnt he see past the sickness in me and love me for who i am, not what i can do..." he pleaded, yet he knew what he was wishing was impossible, and he knew it as soon as he looked back up to her eyes when she fell silent. "You where his first born, and it scars him to know that the heir to his army, the one who will inherit all of this when he has gone will never be able to lead. That hurts him more than his tarnished name..." She replied, and Vaigan could tell she was trying to comfort him. It didnt work though. Turning away from her again he took a step back, shaking his head. "Then he should have killed me at birth..."

[Vaigan]

*********

Time had gone by, much like it always did, and nothing had ever changed. People came and went while he was locked up in his room. Everyone feared him, feared his temper, feared what he would do if he was around them for too long. Most of all they feared his illness. They didnt want to become like him, didnt want to be hated for everything he was. Thats what tore through him the most, when he was left alone in his sick bed, the thoughts of what he had heard from people who didnt even know him. They all said thigns behind his back, all called him names, foul, unspeakable names which they had no right to say. They didnt know him, hadnt met him, how could they judge him so? It was the way of his father, nothing would sway his mind. His mother had bore Ajax a son which was not worthy, and for that he was to be punished for the rest of his life.

Thankfully though the physicians had told him that his life was going to be short, and now on his 21st birthday he lay upon the sheets that surrounded him upon his bed and contemplated it. They said he wouldnt live longer than twenty-two, and he hated it. Hated the fact that he wasnt strong enough to take his own life. He wanted to die more than anything, but no one would grant him that wish, not even his father who would spit on him if they ever crossed paths. He longed for death, but in return for his years of solitude ths gods had granted him one thing, a life full of pain. The thought plagued him, what had he done that was so wrong that he was cursed to live this life? Nothing, that was the point. He'd been a good child, a honest child, a child who would have done anything for his father, but the moment he'd started being ill again, was the moment his father had abandoned him, that was something he would never get over.

With a sigh Vaigan lay back upon his feather filled pillow, eyes gazing somewhat wearily at the stitching upon the end. Almost idly he reached out to it, but was disturbed by his chamber door opening. With a frown he turned back to face it, lifting his head up to see his mother. He couldnt help but smile, she was the one comfort in his life, the one person who didnt look upon his with disgust, the one person who loved him for what he was, not hated him for what he could have been. Just as the door started to close, he heard the sound of music playing in the halls, and the sound of laughter, and it tore at him. "Is father holding another gathering?" He muttered idly, letting his head fall as Amalthea came to sit beside him, a small smile upon her face. "He does, but dont think on it..." She replied, but the pain in his eyes made her ache.

Reaching out a hand, Amalthea gently covered Vaigans fingers with her own, and with a small, somewhat forced smile, Vaigan turned back to her. "Has he forgotten what day it is?" He started, and then shook his head with an amused laugh, moving to sit up. His mother frown, leaning forward as he did so, afriad that he may fall. He snarled, though his anger wasnt directed toward her. "I shall join him, see what he remembers then..." the blonde muttered, and then pulled himself from the bed a little shakily. It didnt take him long to don his Toga and tie his hair back graciously to the nape of his neck. In his attire he looked almost regal, fit to be the son of a Greek general, it was only the unnatural paleness of his tanned skin and the fine sweat that covered him which gave away his weakness, a weakness which tonight he would not let befall him.

Without a moments note Vaigan headed towards the door, but was quickly rushed by his mother, who pulled him to a stop at the frame. "You cant, he will shame you..." She pladed, shaking her head. The last thing she wanted to see was her son humiliated. Pulling himself from her grasp, Vaigan turned to face his mother. "No, i will shame him. He doesnt even remember the day i was born. I do not deserve this, none of it!" He snarled, and before she could stop him, he was out through the door and walking down the corridors. Already as he walked the people who hung around the marbled archways pulled away from him. They all knew who he was, his father couldnt hide him that well, and they all knew that they dared be near him, his anger was as real as his sickness, and a bitter man he was. He wasnt afriad to strike out at anyone who sneered at him.

Amalthea walked quickly alongside her son, unable to stop him, but at least not letting him go alone. not long after they had set off, they found their way to the great hall, which was full of guests drinking and eating, laughing and watching the entertainment, and the happiness, the joy of it all made Vaigan want to scream out with the injustice. He wasnt like that though, his revenge was cold, callus and calculated. "Leave me..." He ordered to his mother, who immediately stopped. She's been a first hand witness to her sons temper, she would not be again, not for the world. Slwoly and steadily Vaigan made his way down the large marbled steps which lead to the first large table where his father sat, his long white toga flowing behind him. he almost looked ominous as faces started to turn towards him, and some gasps of horror as they realised who he was.

Never once, in all his life had he shown himself to the public while in the presence of his father, but he'd been pushed, pushed to far and now he was here for all to see. Was he hideous? No. Was he hurt, scarred, covered in boils? No, there was no evidence of the weak and trembling thing he was inside, and yet they hated him, they sneered at him, and they where repulsed, and for no other reason then the lies his father had spread before them. He was not the son of Satan, he was not some evil halfling, he was an Agourix, and no matter how much he feared his father, he would have it known, even if it got him killed.

Eventually the music was playing on its own, everyone fell silent as he reached the last step, his head held high as Ajax, his father finally turned to speak to him. For a long time there was silence as the two blue eyed, blonde haired men met eachother, and it was remarkable the resemblence between them. Vaigan was his double, strong willed, well built yet lithe, and with a head of blonde hair. "Do you disown me now?" vaigan finally broke the silence, and in front of the whole court Ajax did what Vaigan least expected him to do infront of all the people, he took a step forward and embraced his son. For a good few seconds Vaigan stood stock still and rigid, unable to believe what he was feeling, but then he knew this effection couldnt be true, and with a quiet growl Ajax grasped his sons head in what looked like a loving way, though the blonde could feel hsi father fingernails digging into him. Lowly, his father moving his lips to Vaigans ear. "I'd think it best you leave this court now, before i have you shamed infront of everyone..." Ajax whispered lowly, and Vaigans resolve broke. Who was he fooling, he was terrified of this man, and he was only a fool himself to think he could stand up to him.

All at once Ajax stood back and bowed his head in a somewhat respectful manner to his son, then turned back to the table, re-seating himself amongst his comrades. Vaigan on the otherhand, instead of joining like he had planned, turned upon his heal and started back up the stairs, his mother waiting at the tops, tears in her eyes. She alone had udnerstood what had passed between them, and now dread filled her as she made her was back to his room with him, a hand reaching out to touch his shoulder as soon as they passed the threshold into the one place Vaigan felt safe. The blonde almost bristled at her touch, but knew that she had brought none of this on, it was his own doing. "He will beat you for that..." She muttered, her voice breaking in fear for him. He simply shook his head and proceeded to remove the toga, slinging it haphazardly off to the side. "Let him, it will make no difference...."


*****

The sounds of music finally died down, and as Vaigan lay upon his bed, falling asleep from the exhuastion of the night, Amalthea finally left him. She was sure that no one would come disturb him now, and even if Ajax wanted to, he'd be to drunk to frind his way out of the hall. Quietly pressing a kiss upon her sons cheek, she covered him with the sheets and then exited. Little did she know though that Ajax hadnt drunk. His anger towards his son had burned within him, and for the rest of the party he'd sat in an angry, begrduging silence, fists clenching then unclenching at the humilation Vaigan had caused him. how dare his son have done that, he still couldnt believe it. Not once had Vaigan stood up to him, and now that he had done, he didnt respect it in the slightest. Once everyone had filtered out of the estate and he'd found himself alone, Ajax had made his way up to the blonde's room, he was going to make am example.

Vaigan for once had fallen asleep soundly, though he'd had no doubt that nightmares would follow, as they always did. His sleep though, for the most part started out silent, the hot summer heat making his sweat as his body twitched from the sickness that was within him. He knew nothing, didnt hear his father enter his room, or sit on the chair beside his bed. The thing that awoke him was a cold, heavy blade upon his throat, pressing down with piercing pressure upon windpip. With a small gasp vaigan was drawn from sleep, and it was only a matter of seconds before he realised what pressed upon him, and he went rigid, his blue bleary eyes searching out the form that held the sword within the dim candlelight. It could only be one person, his father, and that was the one he saw at the end of the blade

"So tell me Vaigan, what did you think to achieve by your little game tonight?" Ajax questioned, pressing the blade a little closer to his sons throat. Vaigan couldnt move, couldnt believe that he'd been so stupid as to do something, because now it had turned around tenfold, and there was no escaping his father. They where like two, and had the same tempers, Ajax was just as visious at times. "i..." Vaigan started, but found himself unable to talk as the blade bit into his skin, drawing a couple of drops of blood "Did you think yourself clever to try and humiliate me infront of my guests?" His father continued, but again Vaigan couldnt reply, fear had him locked in place. Without any warning Ajax pulled the blade away, and a moment later he was above Vaigan, a single hand upon his throat to hold the blonde down, fingers grasping, choking him. "You listen to be boy, and listen good. You dare cross my sites again and i will made sure that you are sold to the Romans as a slave for the rest of you pityful life, do you understand?" He snarled, and with a choking gasp Vaigan nodded, panicked by the lack of oygen to his body. With a forceful grasp, Ajax pulled away, sneered and his son and then exited the room, leaving Vaigan to choke upon his onw breath as he rolled on his side, unable to breath through his swollen throat. His heart beat under his chest and it was so painful that he felt as if it was going to burst. The fates wouldnt give him that satisfaction. Instead they left him to choke and think upon his fathers words.

[Vaigan]

Every muscle in his body burned like fire, a hot raging torrent which kept him on his knees even though a voice called in his mind that he must stand up. No, it wasnt a voice in his mind, it was a voice next to him, screaming at him. "Stand up! Do it again!" the voice snarled, so close to his ear that it made him flinch. Gritting his teeth against the exhuastion that overwhelmed him, Vaigan slowly brought his sweat soaked body up from the sandy ground below, defiant blue eyes lifting to look upon the people before him. It was humiliating, every one of them watched him fight, knowing that he wouldnt win, and they took pleasure in it. What hurt most of all was seeing his own fmaily in the crowd, mother, father, brother and sisters. Thankfully his siblings where too young to understand what was happening, but he knew the truth of it.

Gripping the hilt of the heavy sword he weild, Vaigan tried to lift, but the taught muscles on his toned body gave away to the fact that he had no strength left, and he couldnt lift the blade again. He shook from it, the effort, but not one ounce of the pain was evident on his face. He knew not to cry, knew not to break, it was a sign of weakness to his father, and he'd already shown enough of that. Only a week ago he'd tried to force his fathers effections on his twenty first birthday, and this is how he was repaying for that horrible mistake. Dragging the blade across the sand he stood on, Vaigan once again attempted to lift the heavy metal, but it was just too heavy for his weak body. It digusted him that he could no longer weild the weapon, but by the sounds of the growls in the crowd, it disgusted the onlookers more.

The blonde didnt have much time to think as his opponent came lunbering towards him, sword drawn, and with what energy he had left in him, Vaigan managed to duck the blow, only to stagger and be driven to his knees again. He hated being so weak and unable to do anything about it. Steadying himself he took a deep breath, but was stopped from getting back up by the shrill cry of his mothers voice. Turning his head he watched her push forwards from the onlookers and towards his father, who stood just off to the side of him, spurring his oponent on. "Ajax stop it, your going to kill him!" she cried softly, clinging onto her husbands arm with her slim fingers. He could see the anger in his fathers eyes as he pushed him mother back, turning on her with an amused snarl. "He wants to be a warrior Amalthea, this is his chance to prove it..." he growled, stalking towards the women, who shrank back in fear. Unable to stop himself Vaigan saw red, no one hurt his mother, not ever.

He didnt know how he drew the strength, but he managed to get himself to his feet, and with a few quick, painfilled strides he charged towards his father, teeth gritted as he pulled the blade up sluggishly to try and strike the Spartan general, muscles shaking in anger. He didnt get far enough before he felt his vision swim, and with a groan he sank to the floor, body shaking. He could hear the laughter ring in his ears as they alled enjoyed his humiliation, and what made it worse was his mother stepping forward and kneeling to make sure he was alright. He knew she meant no wrong, but it angered him, and with a snarl he pushed her away, though he was unable to move his unresponsive body far enough to get him back up onto his feet. "Get him out of my sight, he isnt worth the name bestowed on him..." he heard his fathers angry, disgusted words, and before he could put up a protest, two sets of strong arms moved to lift him roughly, dragging him through the sand of the arena and back towards his own room.

It wasnt long before his exhausted form was slung upon the bed which he occupied most hours of the day, and with a sigh he allowed his body to relax where it had been throw, eyes closing. He couldnt think past the humiliation that coared through him, and it broke his resolve, shoulders starting to shake as the emotion rolled through him. He shouldnt have been crying, it was weak, but no one was there to see him, no sneering faces, at least he thought now. "Dont let those tears fall M'gios..." he heard his mothers voice whisper softly, feeling her form gently sit next to him on the bed. "I am proud of you, and thats all you need, not some silly warrior who only prides himself on his next battle..." she spoke, and he knew her words where only trying to comfort him. With a groan and slowly shifted his form closer to her, moving to curl next to his mother, head resting on her lap, though the tears didnt stop falling. "Why didnt you kill me when i was born? Save me this hell..." he finally spoke, his voice dry, broken. "I dont deserve this..."