*Expects 2 people*

This here's an RP. Something I will NOT have to run, thank the lord. Imagine it this way: Maple Story is a real universe devoid of stats. You control three aspects of the game: A person, a boss, and a society of monsters.

As far as your person goes...

Name: This is your name. You don't, however, have to use it in conversation. It's just so I know who you are.
Gender: Male or female?
Desired career choice: This is the job path you eventually will follow. Pick the one that has the general control you desire.
Background: Duh.
Appearance: Duh.

Jobs are below.
Fighter: These guys use swords and axes to fight, and their own brute force is their power.
Page: These people fight with maces and swords and are defensive warriors.
Spearman: They use the power of dragons to kill things. With spears and polearms. And dragons.
Hunter: These are archers who can use the fire element to damage things as well as attaching bombs to their arrows. Rather resourceful.
Sniper: These guys use crossbows and other minor elements. They also use brute force to fire arrows directly through objects.
Fire/Poison: These are magicians well-attuned to the fire and poison elements, and use them very well (In any way they please).
Ice/Lightning: These guys use the powers of Ice and Lightning to do massive damage to groups. Or whatever.
Cleric: These characters heal people and use the holy power of holiness to kill things.
Bandit: These guys are basically... Ninjas.
Assassins: These guys assassinate people by hiding in the shadows and throwing ninja stars.


Now, the boss. You might be thinking "OMFGBOSSCOOL" but remember, bosses aren't all fun and games. The rules behind controlling a boss is that:
1. It must NOT know who your character is.
2. It can only communicate with other bosses or monsters in its area
3. Its powers are technically unlimited (It can't destroy the world/region, but it can't really be killed).
4. Bosses don't TRULY die. If your boss gets killed (You know, by your own choice), it can reappear at any time.
5. Only one person can control one boss, and nobody can control the same two bosses.
You must abide by these at all times. The primary role of controlling a boss is to terrorize the land and kill lots of things.

Now, the list of bosses is:

Victoria Island-
Slime King: A giant slime with the power of... Being big. It takes lots of damage, but believe me, it's not one for doing massive damage. It prefers to swarm the area with a bunch of little slimes or throw its weight around.
Mushmom: The mother of all mushrooms, she primarily fights by throwing her weight around.
Zombie Mushmom: The corpse of the mother of all mushrooms, reanimated. She's stronger, thanks to being already dead, but still can only throw her weight around.
Jr Balrog: A powerful creature specialized in magical power. He prefers, however, to use fire elemental attacks or non-elemental explosions/projectiles to attack.
Ergoth: An unbelievably strong undead necromancer. This guy's not gonna be taken down easily, but he does commonly have to fend off attacks. He's wanted for wanton destruction and animating inanimate objects. And corpses. Again, people like trying to kill this guy.

Amoria-
Geist Balrog: The final member of the Balrog family, and the most powerful. He's got three forms, and he can change the structure of the battlefield at will (Not drastically, but you get the idea). Form one fights like Jr Balrog, form 2 fights like Crimson Balrog, and form 3 relies primarily on annoyance rather than a direct fight.

Masteria-
Headless Horseman: A horse-riding knight without a head. He wields a variety of weaponry and the power of darkness. He spawns in the depths of the dark woods.

Elnath Mts.-
Crimson Balrog: An evolved Balrog who relies more on brute force than magic. He's also gained the ability to fly. Thanks to his ability to fly, he commonly attacks people riding ships to or from Orbis. He rarely fights on land.
Papa Pixie: He's another one of those guys people like trying to kill. The lord of the pixies, he's a fan of non-elemental and holy attacks and rarely engages enemies in physical combat.
Zakum (Body): A stationary statue with incredible power. This boss, however does NOT have direct control of his arms.

Aqua Road-
Cold Shark: A shark that lives in the depths of the ocean and specializes in powerful physical attacks and removing magical benefits from foes.
Pianus: A massive fish hidden deep inside of a cave, Pianus has a variety of attacks that rely on altering the environment, as well as a giant laser that's nearly impossible to avoid. SHOOP DA WHOOP!

Ludus Lake-
Alishar: This guy's a demon who resembles a whale and has a head that resembles a grandfather clock. All perverse images aside, this guy likes to manipulate time, fire off non-elemental attacks, and float around using telekinesis. His floating is rather limited, so he can't travel to new areas with it.
Thanatos: An undead demon who controls time and can unleash devastating ice-based attacks. He can also boost his own abilities and the abilities of his allies and inflict numerous status ailments.
Gatekeeper: A powerful armored demon who wields a powerful axe of energy. He creates deadly shockwaves and boosts his own physical power as well.
Papalatus: The big boss of this region. He's a small frail demon who controls time and uses minor magical powers as well. He can also hide out in his own mech-like thing.
Chief Gray: The leader of the alien society, him and his Chief Gray comrades, despite being frail, are very keen to the forces of magic and use non-elemental star and meteor showers to attack.

World Tour-
Blue Mushmom: Mushmom with a blue top. She still throws her weight around, but can also summon monsters, unlike the other Mushmoms.
The Boss: The most powerful boss, he's the leader of the mafia, and can manipulate the continuum of space itself to bend reality and cause insane amounts of damage. He doesn't use this power excessively, though. He prefers the quiet life.

Minar Forest-
Manon: A powerful, very large dragon who breaths fire and does other Dragon-like things.
Griffey: An excessively large Gryphon who manipulates wind to his own advantage and flies to escape his foes.
Horned Tail (Body): The most powerful dragon in all the land, he takes up residence in the Cave of Life and never leaves (Because he's too big). This dragon is unbeatable, and many people will and have already tried.


Regions/Monster societies:

Victoria/Maple Island
Maple Island: The weak monsters that live on Maple Island, including Snails and Mushrooms. They live around Southperry, and Amherst.
Victoria Island Overworld: The monsters that reside on every surface area of Victoria Island. These guys are very plentiful, but most of them are very weak. The monsters do live around the cities of Lith Harbor, Henesys, Kerning City, Ellinia, and Perion.
Victoria Island Underworld: Ant Tunnel has a variety of monsters ranging from weak and common to strong and overpowered. The very powerful monsters tend to be in the back, but they can make their way to the front for impromptu defense. These monsters are also just under the city of Sleepywood, and may attempt invasions.

Elnath Mts.
Orbis Area: These monsters are Pixies and a variety of Kittens and Cats attuned to different elements.
Orbis Tower: These monsters have control over the tower that leads down to El Nath. They are hiding from the cold weather outside, and everybody hates them for that.
El Nath Area: These are ice-based monsters who are weak to fire and live around the town. They hate the monsters who hide in the tower to hide from the cold.
El Nath Dungeon: Dark-based monsters who are attuned to the ice element. There are also werewolves and Lycantropes as well.
El Nath Underworld: The underground universe within a volcano in the El Nath area. These guys are all fire based and all very very powerful.

Aqua Road
Aquarium Area: The above area which has all the lighter weaker fish and the seals that crawl along the ground.
Aquarium Underworld: A dark area under the Aquarium which has all of the dangerous monsters of the sea. There aren't many, but they're all powerful.

Ludus Lake
The Towers: The towers (EOS and Helios) have all been taken over by monsters, which are anything from wind-up rats to golems made of legos.
The Clocktower: The underground area with everything from weaker teddies to the stronger rodents with clocks riding upon them, as well as Chronos. These guys tend to annoy the residents of Ludibrium.
The Depths of Time: The most dangerous of monsters in the world keep to themselves, but mostly because they are, in fact, TOO powerful. These monsters are not to be trifled with, but they primarily fight each other than anyone else.
Korean Folk Town: A... Yeah, I'm not gonna explain this area. I don't know anything about it.
Omega Sector: Aliens control this area. Mostly variants of octopuses and the standard "grays" that standard alien believers believe in.

Amoria
Amoria: There are some weak monsters in this area. They're all weak and peaceful.

Minar Forest
Leafre Area: This is an area containing many incredibly powerful monsters. These monsters are practically at war with Leafre and they're at quite a standstill.
Dragon Canyon: Nobody has dared to set up a society near these monsters and rightfully so. In the shallower regions of this area, dragons roam, but the deeper you go, the more powerful they become, and eventually, you will find raised dragon corpses.

Mu Lung Garden
Mu Lung Area: This area has quite a few powerful monsters, and a variety of weak ones, including combat dummies that have taken on a real life.
Herb Town Area: Monsters that live in jars are quite prominent here, in different various evolutionary stages.
The Pirate Ship: This ship has pirates. >_> That is all.

Nihal Desert
Ariant: A desert with a variety of monsters ranging from animated cacti and lizards wearing a variety of winter clothes.

World Tour
Mushroom Shrine Area: This area has mostly weak monsters, but also crows and... Cloud Foxes. Damn those Cloud Foxes...
The Dark Forest: This area has a variety of ghosts and deadly demons.
Showa Town District/Hideout: This area is encroached by the mafia. That's all I need to tell you.

Masteria
New Leaf City Area: An area containing all the landmarks of every part of the world. The monsters around are urbanized versions of every other monster.
MesoGears: The region underneath the Big Ben. It's like the Depths of Time, where the monsters tend to hang out with themselves. There are a variety of elephants of every element, as well as anything else you'd imagine hanging out under a giant clock.
The Haunted Mansion and Woods: An area that contains possessed dolls, walking voodoo dolls, and living jack-in-the-boxes. Creepy, huh?

If you want to know what the society's monsters are, you can either make them up or do a little research at www.hidden-street.net

Name: Semarai
Gender: Female
Desired career choice: Fire/Poison
Background: Semarai is... Eh, it's not important.
Appearance: She has a gentle look in her eyes which covers up her cold-hearted desire for more power. Well, she's not that evil, but the gentle look in her eyes makes you think she's a saint. She isn't. That's all I got. The rest of it's pretty much... Generic female character.

Boss: The Boss

Society: Dragon Canyon

DR. OCTOGONAPUS BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Name: Ultramind
Gender: Male
Desired career choice: Ice/Lightning
Background: Ultramind likes killing things. No more info necessary.
Appearance: Well... crap, now I wish I hadn't gotten rid of the MS thingy in my sig. I could have directed you to that. In fact I will, just as soon as I make a new one. Oh, just one change: RED eyes.



Boss: Thanatos

Society: Clocktower

Don't forget to add your society, which all now exist.

Also, I is claiming that gun.

Suppose I'll start.

<Semarai>

I woke up on a bright morning on a wooden bridge to nowhere. Land was a dizzying mile below, and the region was covered in forest. As I observed the surroundings, I saw that the other end of the bridge led into a training facility of some sort. After my eyes adjusted to the light, I looked into the clear, cloudless sky, and the sun seemed much closer than usual.

"...Where the hell am I?" I said to myself, realizing too late that someone else was resting on this bridge. I jumped back in surprise... And collapsed to the ground.

"...Ow."

<The Boss>

"Hey, Extras, get the hell over here!"

Extra A #214: "Y-Yes, m-m-mister Boss?"

"I'm bored"

Extra A #18: "...YOU can entertain him this time. I'm getting the hell out of here!"

As that pathetic coward tried to escape, I effortlessly made the door vanish. It was time to have some fun...

<Dragon Canyon>

Hobi #12: "H-hey there, dragon sir, what seems to be the problem, sir?"

Green Cornian #3: "We spied some trespassers approaching the canyon. They're tearing through everything on a very linear path. Almost like that's the only way they can walk or something."

Hobi #12: "Should I report to--"

Green Cornian #2: "No, we can handle it. Hell, even a level 70 like you could handle these guys. They've gotta be level 65 tops. I mean, they're weak and we're strong. That's it. Looks like even you could stand a chance."

Hobi #12: "Well, you know how goblins like us are, sir..."

Green Cornian #3: "No... I actually don't. Please elaborate."

Hobi #12: "Well, we're actually quite cowa-- ...Ah..."

Green Cornian #3: "I was giving you a chance. Shame you didn't take it."

Hobi #12: "..."

Green Cornian #2: "Hey, let's get to our stations!"

Green Cornian #3: "Right."

<Ultramind>

I scratched my chin, looking over the facts. One, I was currently on one side of an extremely broken bridge over an extremely deep canyon with extremely sharp rocks at the bottom. That boded badly. Two, my head seemed a lot bigger than I remember it being. Or at least the rest of my body was smaller by comparison. Maybe both. Three, there the entrance to a building here. Four, there was a girl with similar bizarre dimensions here as well. I sat with my chin on my fist.

"How do I get myself into these situations?" I grumbled. The girl woke up, and apparently surprised to see me, leapt back and landed in a painful looking manner.

"Yeah, hi to you too," I muttered, "Any idea where this place is or..." glancing at the bridge, "how the HELL we got over here?"

<Thanatos>

(I get three of these guys, yes?)

"We are time..." and icy voice intoned.

"We are ice..." another one proclaimed

"WE ARE LEGION!" a rather more excited voice shouted. The first two voices groaned.

"And that's K'eva'nn, the idiot," the first growled.

"I'm not an idiot!" the third cried.

"Yes you are, mister I-only-cast-weak-spells-when-someone-is-on-my-left," the second one accused.

"My left arm can't cast strong spells!" the third protested.

"THEN TURN TO YOUR RIGHT!"

"I can't, we're on a 2d plane!"

"... Lies and slander."

"Ahem," a different voice coughed. The three Thanatos turned to look at the intruder, who was among a group of similar humanoids wielding threatening-looking weapons.

"You guys gonna argue all day, or are we gonna fight?"

"Yes yes, to the fighting," Thanatos 1 said. The Thanatos promptly annihilated the rather overconfident adventurers and laughed at their ghosts... right before Thanatos 3 took a couple bullets to the head and dropped like a stone.

"WHAT THE!"

"Hello, mates," a cheeky looking Pirate grinned, before pulling out a second pistol and blasting the other two Thanatos at a speed Pirate pistols shouldn't logically be capable of.

A few moments later the three of them respawned.

"HOW THE HELL DOES A PISTOL SHOOT THAT FAST?!" Thanatos 1 roared in outrage.

"Excellent question. I don't know," Thanatos 2 grumbled.

<The Clocktower>

"Attention Chronos #4532769321, report to equipment room."

Chronos #4532769321: What am I needed for?

Chronos #22: Mystic Shield. Take this and then go hide with the billions of others out there and aggravate people searching for one of these shields by using your time control to warp away any time someone enters the room.

Chronos #4532769321: Score! *Zooms back out to annoy people*

Chronos #22: I love my job.

<Semarai>

"...Whoa! Almost fell off the bridge there!" I said, scrambling to my feet. I looked around and saw the same person. For some reason, his head seemed huge in proportion to the rest of his body. I stood up and...

"Uh, hello there!" There was a pause.

"...I'm Semarai!" There was yet another pause.

"Well, anyway, I don't know where we are. Or where I got this crude looking club." I said, brandishing a wooden... Club... Thing. I continued to scan the horizon. "Feels like we're way up high, though."

<The Boss>

"Ha ha, that was fun" I proclaimed. The Extras no longer existed, as a result of a rather torturous demise. The door reappeared, and the sounds of screaming and growling were heard. The door quickly vanished again.

"What the hell? People? Here? Why would they attack The Boss?! No matter..." I said, reopening the doorway and peering outside. After an arrow whizzed by my head, I threw caution to the wind and stepped outside.

"WHO DARES ATTACK THE BOSS?" I cried. I knew they couldn't understand me.

The three archers looked at each other, looked at me, then began to fire golden glowing arrows. They bounced off harmlessly (Relatively harmlessly) and the archers turned and ran. The door vanished before they got out. Screams were heard.


<Dragon Canyon>

Green Cornian #3: "Well, they've been in that same clearing for hours now."

Green Cornian #2: "What d'ya suppose they're doing?"

Green Cornian #3: "I have no clue, but we'd better figure out what to do with this guy before people get suspicious. *Indicates corpse of the goblin-like creature*"

Green Cornian #2: "Damn, figured we could blame it on those guys. They better get over here."

About five sentences in, I realized that this topic, no matter how early it could die, will be infinitely better than the actual Maple Story game.

Name: Javier Milaños (damn you lack of creativity D8<)
Gender: Male
Desired career choice: Assassin (note: I've never actually played an Assassin so you'll have to bear with me here)
Background: Javi, the dimensional traveler, found himself in the world of MS once more after about four years of random universe-hopping. This means he's 16 now... and still laughably short. After an incident involving his prized boots he picked up over his journeys (which not only added considerable amounts of speed and power to his ability, but also added about three inches to his height), the occasional swear word is no longer beyond him.
Appearance: Javi. Slightly taller, slightly pissier.

Boss: Jr. Balrog

Society: Haunted Mansion and Woods

(will start soon... after I get some ideas >_>)

One quick thing, AI, you will end up starting in the same place everyone else does.

But how fast you leave is up to you.

(note: for Javi and Jr. Balrog, italics indicate thoughts and normal text not in quotes indicates third person narration, and for Forest and Mansion, * indicates actions and () indicates thoughts)

<Javi>

They call me... the Death Machine.

No, they actually call me Javi, but I sure wish they called me Death Machine.

These thoughts ran through my head as I stared down disappointedly at my newb attire. Well, "disappointed" is really quite an understatement when you've just been kicked off the top of the ladder and thrown to the absolute bottom.

After about four years of jumping from dimension to dimension and kicking ass all over the place, I accumulated a slew of awesome powers and abilities. When I finally landed back in Maple Story, the universe's physics slapped a "Level 187 Night Lord" sticker on me and let me go along with my merry way. Of course, I began jumping from mountain to mountain somewhere in Leafre (Leafre? What the hell kind of name is that? This place sure has changed since I was last here), blasting thunderbolts and fireballs everywhere... and, well, to sum it up, I was like "CAN'T TOUCH THIS DUH NUH NUH NUH" and time was like "SLOOOOOOOOW DOOOOOOOOWN" and then I'm like "SOOOO ZETTA SLOW" and Nexon was like "WTF U HAKR ):" and demoted my ass back to Level 1 Beginner.

Wait, do we even have levels anymore? What the hell is wrong with this place? Phh. If we had levels, I would be a Level 1 Beginner. Seriously, what the hell.

Five minutes later, after I let the flashbacks course through my mind, I finally looked up from the ground. God, my neck hurts. Two other people were standing on this bridge. Well, that's just fantastic, because you know, I can just never be alone in this fricking world.

<Jr. Balrog>

"Grr... GRAAAAAAAARRGH!!"

My mighty, frustrated roar echoed through the dungeon and shook the overworld. The thought of various snails and mushrooms running in fear of an earthquake brought me little comfort.

Soon after, one of those fugly little Cold Eyes rushed over to me. "What's wrong, Your Fearsomeness? You usually make those sounds only in the bathroom!"

I sighed and leaned back in my throne of bones and rocks. Three skulls popped out-- they tend to do that after a couple months-- and I stared at them wistfully. "Oh, nothing. It's just... I'm never feared anymore. Remember the good ol' days? When adventurers of all types would tremble in fear of the mighty Jr. Balrog, and the throne was twenty feet high? Nowadays, the only ones who come down here... the only way I could kill them is if they fell asleep in the middle of the battle!"

I grabbed some rocks and pushed them into the spaces where the skulls once were, causing a femur to fall out and break away. "And look at the throne! I've never had to use rocks before! And what kind of throne is made of rocks away? That's not scary at all! And whenever my family comes down to visit, all they do is laugh at me and my skull-less throne!"

Another roar erupted from my throat. Aftershocks for the snails upstairs. The Cold Eye hopped in agitation and said, "If I may ask you, Your Flusteredness, could you please stop doing that? We wouldn't want everyone to think you accidentally swallowed laxatives again!"

"... Hey, I remember that! Damn, even the Poison wizards would flee as soon as they stepped into the room!" But I sighed again. Even that would be better than right now...

<Phantom Forest and Prendergast Mansion>

Jr. Wraith #913,047,263: Hey, Jim.

Jr. Wraith #913,047,264 (Jim): Yeah, Joe?

Jr. Wraith #913,047,263 (Joe): What are we?

Jim: Um... what?

Joe: Like... what are we supposed to be?

Jim: Ghosts...?

Joe: I mean, like... what would we look like under this tablecloth?

Jim: Well, we'd look like... um... you know, that's an excellent question.

Joe: I think we should find out!

Jim: Yeah. Uh, you know, I don't think we can.

Joe: What? Why?

Jim: You know... we kinda don't have hands... and our arms are stubby as hell?

Joe: Oh... well, shoot.

*pause*

Jim: Oh, shit! A Cleric's coming!

Generic Cleric: Rawr! I'm going to Heal you to death!

Joe: Wait! I'll give you Red Moon Shoes if you pull this tablecloth off me!

Jim: ... Yeah! And I'll give you a 60% Dagger for Att scroll, too!

Generic Cleric: ... What?

Joe: Yeah, just come over here and take this tablecloth away, and get free stuff!

Generic Cleric: Okay! *walks over to Joe* *reaches out to take the tablecloth* *42 damage!*

Jim: ...

Joe: ...

Generic Cleric: ... Heal.

Jim and Joe: OHSHI-- *dies*

Generic Cleric: ... No, you do NOT have shoes and a scroll! Jeez. *continues killing things*

<Ultramind>

Oh hey, more company. Neato. Because, you know, you can never have enough random people around when you're dumped in the middle of nowhere. No sirree bob. The new guy seemed to be swearing under his breath. Great first impression. I stood up, stretched, and looked pointedly at the new guy.

"Well, considering we appear to have been dumped right in the middle of... somewhere... I... think maybe it might be prudent to, I dunno, do something. So hi! I'm Ultramind. I like killing things," I proclaimed, putting on the most psychotic face I could manage. That was pretty psychotic looking.

<Thanatos>

Thanatos 1, who shall from here on be called Ark'thugal, sighed. Thanatos 2, who shall now be called Raas'ingul, also sighed.

"We are bored," Ark'thugal grumbled.

"Yes we are," Raas'ingul agreed. "Where's that idiot K'eva'nn?"

"Who me? Oh just sitting on my THRONE OF ICE AND AWESOMENESS!" K'eva'nn called down from the new towering spire he'd made in the past three seconds. Control over time and ice was useful.

"... K'eva'nn, what the hell is that?" Ark'thugal drawled, floating up to the top of it.

"Like I said. MY THRONE OF ICE AND AWESOMENESS!" K'eva'nn declared, throwing up the horns with his hands.

Raas'ingul floated up as well. "... I want a throne of ice and awesomeness," he whined.

"TOO BAD. My idea, no stealing," K'eva'nn said, crossing his arms.

"FINE! I'll make MY OWN awesome throne! And it'll be made of... umm... TIME! Yeah. A throne made of time. Awesome," Raas'ingul muttered, floating away.

"... Surrounded by idiots..." Ark'thugal grumbled, and floated off to find someone to make miserable.

<The Clocktower>

Chronos #4532769321: Hey, Magician.

Magician: Eh?

Chronos #4532769321: I HAS A MYSTIC SHIELD!

Magician: GIMME GIMME GIMME! *Magic Claw*

Chronos #4532769321: *Uses time powers to swap places with a random Chronos* Kekekekeke.

Magician: Awwwww... no shield.

Chronos #73392001: ... You're a dick, Larry.

Chronos #4532769321 (Larry): It's so fun though! *Floats over to a random character* Hey Pirate dude! I HAS A MYSTIC SHIELD!

Pirate: ... *Maniacal grin* Money time. *Raises a pair of pistols*

Larry: ... HOSHI- *Warps someone else into his spot*

Pirate: *Backflip kicks the new Chronos into the air and begins firing both guns at it, floating it in the air on a cushion of bullets*

Larry: *Wince*

Pirate: *Lets the Chronos drop, then summons an Aerial Strike* *The bird flys over and drops a bomb near the badly injured Chronos*

Badly Injured Chronos: Eh?

Bomb: *Beebeebee* WHAT THE FU- *BOOOOOOOOOOOM*

Pirate: MWAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Larry: O_o *Slowly hovers out of sight*

<Javi>

Well. Five minutes in this damn world and already I've encountered a level 10 nutcase. That's a great sign. "Do you now?" I began, rather calmly I hoped. "Then you'll have a fantastic time here. The only thing we ever do around here is kill things."

I didn't doubt that he'd be thrilled. I wondered how long it'd be before he gets tired of doing the same things over and over again.

"Anyway, I'm... Javier. If you can do so without exploding into laughter, call me Javi."

I don't even remember why I still let people call me that.

(OOC: really short and just Javi because I can't thing of a DAMNED thing to do for the others)

<Semarai>

"Ultramind? That's a nice name, I guess..." ...Freak

...Wait... Kill things? That sounded like plenty of fun, actually. But I had to hide a smile-- I've still got to keep up this act.

"...Kill things, huh? I... Guess if that's the only thing to do..." That should do nicely.


(OOC: You don't have to do anything with the other 2 characters. Those are mostly for fun, godmodding, or whatever. They won't likely affect other players.)

<Ultramind>

"... The... ONLY... thing you do here is kill things?" I gaped, almost drooling.

"I did just say that, didn't I?" Javi said. I turned my eyes skyward.

"Somebody up there is smiling upon me for once... WELL, no point sitting around here. ONWARD TO KILLING THINGS!" I declared and marched toward that building that seemed built into the... mountain?... we were on. Javi and Semarai followed shortly behind, right up until Javi paused and gave the building another look.

"Oh no... no no NO NO NO! NOT THIS AGAIN!"

I gave him an odd look. "What's in here?"

Javi sighed in a defeated manner. "No getting around it, I suppose. It's the training ground and... god DAMMIT, I've already had to do this once!"

I shrugged and walked inside. And then immediately found myself outfitted in a full-body apple green latex suit.

"Oh," I muttered and turned to the nearest employee. "I will murder you in your sleep and do horrible things to your corpse in front of your children," I said in a tone of voice one would use to give the time of day. The employee didn't stop smiling, but nevertheless backed up. A string of curses told me Javier had entered the building and had met a similar fate. I've ceased liking this place so much.

<Thanatos>

Random player: What the hell is this thing? *Point at K'eva'nn's throne*

K'eva'nn peered down over the edge. "You know what? I'm tired of explaining it," He growled before hovering over to about the middle and spraying ice around, finishing with a large icy sign reading "K'EVA'NN'S THRONE OF ICE AND AWESOMENESS".

Random player: Looks like a Frozen Throne ripoff.

K'eva'nn stared at him for a moment before freezing him in a block of ice.

"RIPOFF THAT, BITCH."

... ._. *goes along with it*

<Javi>

This. Place. SUUUUUCKS.

Whatever. I've been here before, and I sure as hell ain't gonna stick around for long.

"See ya at the end, newbs!" I called out to the others, and dashed through the training course... at an agonizingly slow pace. Crap, I've been running at Mach 3 for too long...

<Semarai>

Wow, what was this guy's problem? He acts like he's gonna have to go through hell to get any stronger. He didn't even seem to notice the conveyor belts. I jumped on one and looked around at the various old-style films. I saw one that caught my eye. A girl slinging fire and crippling enemies with poisons from any possible origin. This is definitely what I wanted to be.

"Hey, hurry up, Ultramind!" I actually was half-in-shock when I uttered his name. It's just... Such a disturbing name...

<Javi>

Well. It certainly took long enough (three minutes, to be exact), but I've finally reached the end of this miniature hell. I left the training grounds, delighted to see my newb clothes again. They're like king's robes compared to that neon green spandex suit. Like, holy crap, what the hell is that supposed to accomplish, anyway?

Ugh. Anyway. I contemplated for a moment whether I should wait for the others or not, but then I remembered that I could give a crap. A little green snail slithered up to me, appearing disgustingly happy, as expected. Excellent, something's day I can ruin! I drew my two swords, thrust both into the snail, then leapt over it, slicing it into near-half, and slashed my swords out...

... okay, fine. I forgot I only had one sword, which isn't as sharp or long as I would've liked. I barely scratched the snail, then my decreased jumping ability came to light when I tripped over it, which proceeded to bite my leg.

So hey, if it hasn't already been established, this. Place. SUUUUUCKS.

I jumped to my feet, stabbed the snail to death, and glanced around sheepishly. Hope no one saw that. And if they did, good thing I'm on my way out of here.

<Semarai>

"Hey, Javi!" I said, after an amusing incident involving a snail, "Need any help?"

I actually figured I wasn't supposed to see that, but hey, it was amusing in its own way. I walked around, found a good spot, and started stabbing... Smacking... whatever... The overgrown snails with my weapon. They certainly seemed unusually resilient.

"Well, this is boring... I suppose I'll just go on ahead. You can stick around here and play assassin super hero with the snails!" I said jokingly, hoping not to break character. I took the snail's shell and kept moving, smacking snails out of the way as I ran towards a nearby house, oddly shaped like a mushroom.

<Ultramind>

Storming out of the hellhole building, I came upon a field filled with my first opponents.

Snails. I turned to the nearest wall and bashed my head against it. Maybe that'd wake up my psionic abilities so I could just fry them all... Nope, no luck, just gave myself a headache. Blast. At least that video showing the mage using ice and lightning looked promising... A slithering noise came to my attention. I looked down to see a snail with the stupidest, happiest expression I thought I'd ever see on a snail. Feeling thoroughly disgusted, I proceeded to spin the sword I was carrying around and stab it. Strangely, it failed to die. Hmm, things I have to stab more than one time to kill.

"... THIS ADVOCATES LARGE AMOUNTS OF MINDLESS VIOLENCE! WOO!" I proceeded to stab the snail into mush, even though it had probably died after the first few stabs. I walked past Javier, who was likewise venting anger on the local snail population, and began stabbing all of the other snails into mush as well. Stab stab stab stab stab.

Some time later Javi and I stood ourselves in the middle of a field of snail mush. I looked around and didn't see anything moving.

"I think we killed them all," I commented, then promptly turned to move on to the next field of things to kill, wading through all the snail mush.

I stood on a cliff, watching the training facility area from afar. It was hard to see, but I'm fairly sure all the snails were dead. And I don't mean, you know, not breathing dead. I mean they were stabbed so often that they turned into mush. Ironically, I glanced behind me and saw a small, almost cute mushroom. Heartlessly, I pounded it halfway across the field and off the cliff with my club, right as that Ultramind guy was coming towards me

"Hey, did you just... Kill all of those snails back there? Those are weak. You should try these guys out," I said, indicating the relatively small mushrooms. I swatted another one off the cliff to his feet, "So, how about we work together? Let's see if you can catch some on your sword!"

I wasn't concerned with this guy finding out who I really was. Somehow talking to him, I felt more comfortable with being myself. Like I could trust him. Like, maybe we were both evil at the core... Javi, though... I didn't like him. Despite his attitude, he was rather... Seemed to be one of those good guys.

<The Boss>

I wandered the killing fields outside of Showa Town, which I already had control over well enough. Just wandering around, I could see nothing could stand up to me. I'd grab a large mushroom and crush him effortlessly while walking past all of the weaklings in awe of my power. Then I came across... The World Tour guide. I was going to see the world.

<Ultramind>

Catch some on my sword? Mushroom-kebab? I looked at the one at my feet and stabbed through it, top to bottom, then lifted the sword.

"Batter up!" I called, grinning like a maniac. The Semarai girl got a glint in her eye and started batting the mushrooms in my direction. I speared each one until my sword couldn't fit anymore, then I simply used the whole amalgamation as a club to bat the other back... until the mushrooms on my sword slogged off. Then I went back to making a mushroom-kebab. After a few cycles of this, we ran out of mushrooms. That, or the others had wised up and run like hell. I grabbed one of the squirming one son my sword and pulled until it was bisected, then spun the sword until the rest flew off and stabbed the sword into one trying to crawl away. I leaned against the sword.

"Well, that was fun, anything else on this island to genocide besides snails and mushrooms?"

The girl shrugged. "A little past here there's some BLUE snails," she commented dryly. I rolled my eyes. Oh boy. DIFFERENTLY COLORED snails. Get some variety, folks.

"Ah well. Between the two of us, I think Javier and I wiped out all the normal snails and I don't seem to see anymore mushrooms... Speaking of Captain Curses, where'd he go?"

Semarai looked around, then shrugged. "Don't see him. Maybe he tripped over another snail," she said snarkily. I like this chick, she's got spunk.

<The Clocktower>

Platoon Chronos 1: Hey. Bob.

Platoon Chronos 2 (Bob): Yeah, Billy?

Billy: Wanna go mess with the Ticks? I'm bored.

Bob: Oooo, what we gonna do this time?

Billy: I figure set their clocks backward a few hours. Oh, and then we can go flip Grandfather's Clock's batteries and put them in backwards.

Bob: Oh, hell yes. I remember last time we did that, his head spun like a teapot on crack.

Billy: Let's go! *Flies out of the room, followed by Bob*

<Javi>

God damn Maplestory. Yeah, they just HAD to nerf me to hell. Fan-fricking-tastic.

After that incident which must never be mentioned after again, I rampaged through the fields, killing every snail I could. Only when the ground, saturated with snail pulp, squished under my feet did I realize that I should probably move on now.

I continued on my way until I arrived at a plain filled with colored snails and mushrooms, where I then spent an agonizing sixty seconds killing things before loudly declaring, "THIS IS BORING!!"

What took me two months to figure out last time I was here, this time I realized in two minutes. I had to get to Southperry, and fast, or I might just snap.

<Semarai>

"Ultramind," As we raced to the much more exciting BLUE colored snails, I had to make sure he was aware of something, "Listen, nobody knows I take pleasure in killing things, and... Well, I'd like to keep that up. I can trust you-- You seem to enjoy killing things. I don't trust Javi, though. He doesn't seem all that evil and, well, if you aren't evil, you're a good gu--" I managed to get that far before tripping on a snail.

"You son of a..." I don't need to go into detail.

<Javi>

I carved out a nice little path of destruction in... um... well, from point A to point B. I wasn't too sure where either of those points were. Every monster who stood in my path fell to my sword-swinging frenzy, until I arrived at point B. There, my sword bounced off a stray slime and stuck itself into the ground. This snapped me out of my Maple fury. I realized, at this point, that I should probably get a new weapon and then continue my rampage to Southperry.

Miraculously, I was able to get to Amherst without first dying from an aneurysm. I regarded the weapon shop owner with a good deal of suspicion as he tried to convince me that a fruit knife would be a much more powerful tool than the sword I had right now. Hey, I can't remember if he's telling the truth or not, okay? The last time I was here was a longass time ago. Anyway, I opted to take the knife and what the hell do you know! This puny little knife did increase my power!

Well, that's done. Now all I have to do is get to Southperry, board the ship, and... and... crap, what am I going to do from there?

I hate myself.

<Ultramind>

I looked down at the tripped female.

"Irony: Don'tcha just hate it?" I shot off, before chuckling and stabbing the snail, then spinning the sword until it flew off while she got up, making aggravated growling noises. Something she said suddenly occurred to me.

"Me? A good guy?" I pondered this for a moment... and then belted off my best evil laugh, which was pretty damn evil sounding, with a heaping dose of psychotic tossed in for good measure. Semarai gave me an unreadable look before commenting, "Yeah, I think you're evil enough."

"Evil enough? I define evil. I can keep your secret... Ultramind is good at keeping secrets," I drawled, continuing forward. At this point, the path branched. Fresh footprints - Javier's, I'd assume - lead in the direction the sign declared as "Amherst". The path of dead things also testified that he'd probably gone this way.

"I think Captain Curses headed to Amherst..." I drawled. Semarai rolled her eyes.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," she commented dryly.

"Hey, now we have two Captains," I noted cheerfully. Semarai gave me an odd look and shook her head.

"Well, if he went that way," I said, pointing down the path leading to Amherst, "I'm going this way," I finished, and headed off toward Southperry.

<Semarai>

This guy's nuts. Evil to the core, and genuinely enjoys the thought of killing ridiculously innocent snails. ...I like him. I stood there, staring at the sign, then the footprints, then back at where Ultramind headed off. "Southperry, eh?" I glanced around again. There was absolutely no sign of any sort of ocean. No smell in the air-- Nothing, and we all were clearly on some sort of highland... Why would there be a port? Well, because Southperry so obviously has to be a port.

I had to know. I went chasing after Ultramind, adopting my innocent demeanor, in case we run into Javier again, "Hey, wait for me!" I called, and as I caught up, I whispered, "You know nothing about me. We might run into Javier, so don't give me away. Do you hear me?" I had hoped that was enough to get a point across, so I turned back to the road.

Some distance later...

"So, what were you doing before you got here?"

"Well--" Ultramind was interrupted by a little ambush. Huge orange mushrooms, the size of both of us combined. I stood battle-ready, then remembered... Javier. I stood back, acting like a coward in case he saw us. "Hey, take care of these guys... I've gotta run. Can't be seen enjoying violence until I'm strong enough," I whispered. I figured it couldn't be too much trouble, so I smacked a few of the smaller ones out of the way, clearing a path for him if he wanted to follow.

<Javi>

"Hey, you." A girl leaning against a mailbox glanced at me with barely any degree of interest. "When's the next ship leaving?"

Her condescending giggle was like nails against a chalkboard. "In five minutes, you dumbass!"

"Shit!" I exclaimed out loud, and I bolted out of Amherst as her grating laugh trailed after me. As I dashed across the fields, desparately hoping I could summon any vestige of my former speed at this moment, several bigass orange mushrooms came into sight. Oh, and those other people I met earlier, too. The mushrooms hopped after me (good god, they looked so happy they could just break into song), but hell if I'm gonna let them stop me! I slashed them with my knife, enough to distract them, then continued on my not-so-merry way. "Hey, guys," I said to... dammit, what the hell are their names? Frick, I could give a crap right now! "Bye, guys," I called out to them as I swiftly sprinted into the distance.

After an amount of time comparable to an eternity passed, Southperry came into view. And damn, the way I ran over there, you'd have thought I was running to the gates of heaven right before they closed. Of course the wonderful people of Southperry thought to place the ship at the other end of the damned city. As I approached the ticket booth, I mustered up whatever energy I had left to gasp out, "One... ticket to... Lith..."

The ticketer smiled pleasantly, as if he was contractually obligated to smile at anyone who stops by, and replied, "That'll be 500 mesos, please."

Somehow, I had the money left to pay for the ticket. He handed me my permission slip that granted me access to the ninth circle of hell from the tenth, and he said, "Have a nice day!"

"Too late," I muttered as I leapt on board. Sweet freedom.

<Ultramind>

Fernex's beard, this mushroom had the biggest, stupidest smile I'd ever laid eyes on. At least for a mushroom. The kind of smile that's so sweet it rots your teeth. Made me want to pepper the landscape with Nova Torpedoes and piss on the ashes, but unfortunately I was without the ability to fire large salvos of mass destruction at the moment, so I settled for stabbing the thing in the face. Repeatedly. Until it jumped on, which I gotta say REALLY GODDAMN HURT because it was a HUGE MUSHROOM and I was a frail little... human, I think.

I growled and made a fast, violent push-up, sending the mushroom slightly into the air... where a passing Javier cut it in half.

"Hi guys, bye guys," he shouted very quickly, zooming down the path and leaving a wake of devastation. I turned to Semarai, pushing on my back to crack it.

"You're concerned HE'S a good guy? He leaves more destruction in his wake than most villains I know!" I said, gesturing wildly. Semarai took a good look at the decimation left in both directions now.

"You ever seen the kind of damage heroes can do?" she retorted.

I raised a finger and opened my mouth, then paused. "... Excellent point!" I managed to get out. "Wonder what he was in a rush about?"

Semarai shrugged.

Upon reached Southperry, we found out; the last ship off this hellhole had just left. Looked like Javier had made it. I frowned.

"When's the next ship get here?" I asked the ticketer.

"About... half an hour," he said, looking at his watch. I groaned, which wasn't as impressive as my usual groan. Damn this fragile human meatsack.

"Can we get our tickets in advance?"

"Sure, that'll be 500 mesos," he said, holding out a hand. I raised an eyebrow and turned to Semarai.

"What the hell's a meso?" I asked. She held up a wad of money.

"This, probably," she said, and went to the ticketer and got her ticket, then went to the dock. Oh yeah, the creatures back there had been dropping that stuff... should have picked it up. Graaaah...

"Do I NEED five hundred mesos?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure we can work SOMETHING out," I muttered with evil intent.

Thirty minutes later

I walked up to the pier and hopped onto the boat. Semarai gave me a look.

"How'd you scrounge up five hundred mesos in that time frame?"

"Oh, I didn't need to. We had a nice chat and he agreed to let me get on for free."

As the boat sails away, the camera pans back into Southperry and to a lightpost, which the ticketer has been strung to by his thumbs. His eyes are taped open and a large smile has been carved into his face. Carved into his chest are the words "WHY SO SERIOUS?"

<Semarai>

So, I've noticed... This place is flying. This whole island is NOT attached to land. That certainly does explain quite a bit, though. I mean, especially the fact that there wasn't a single strong monster on that island. I mean, how the hell was I gonna get stronger without anything halfway powerful to fight? Regardless, I DID feel a little stronger.

"So, Ultramind... You really should turn around. Look at that place we were at." I was pretty confident he hadn't noticed. He seemed rather distracted. Probably satisfied with how he tortured that poor innocent ticketer. By the ticketer who still had my 500... Mesos. Whatever the hell they were.

Soon enough, the boat arrived on a continent. Everybody kept calling it an island, but that's just not possible. It's a frickin' continent and I don't care what anybody says!

Ultramind Evaluation

+ 5 for unique solution to money problems

-20 for ripping off a movie so bad the velcro sounded like thunder.

<Javi>

Lith Harbor...

This place sucks too.

I hopped down to the lower area of Lith, sat down on a bench, and pondered what class I should be. The obvious choice would be Assassin, but I sure would miss flinging fireballs and thunderbolts relentlessly! Well... I guess I'll go with Assassin anyway. Boy, that took a whole lot of thought. Ah, but first I'll have to go down the Thief route. Fabulous.

Where do I go again? Kerning City? I hate that place more than Maple Island. It's all dirty and urban and smoky; what the hell is a place like that doing in Happy Noontime Funtime Island anyway? Well, no getting around it, I suppose.

Taxi's on the other side of Lith, and I was just there. God damn. And thus I begin my trek to the taxi... sure hope they still have those Beginner discounts...

I don't recall that specifically happening to anyone in The Dark Knight...

<Ultramind>

Finally, some actual land again. I have no idea why they call this place Victoria Island; islands are not that big. Maybe everyone here is a distant descendant of Andy and none of them know what a continent is. Kinda scary thought, that...

"So... now what?" I asked rhetorically.

"Considering the videos back in that... introduction room," Semarai pointed out with a bit of a shudder, "I'd say now, we go and find someone who can teach us how to do that. Sooner the better, I like the idea of slinging around fire and poison," she continued, showing off a toothy grin. I ran a playback of the craphole we'd been forced to go through at the start of this little crapfest. Oh yeah, the video with the guy freezing things and then electrocuting them. Right then. Now who would know?

A bit of "asking" the locals told me the weird dude wearing the viking hat could point us in the right direction, so I asked him. One annoying quiz and a few death threats later, he'd pointed me in the direction of Grendel the Really Old in Ellinia.

"Okay, some old guy named Grendel is some place called Ellinia. Any maps in this place?" I grumbled.

"Saw a map a few minutes ago, the place called Ellinia is on the east side of the 'island'," Semarai responded. I gave her a look.

"... Wait... we landed on the southwest part of the 'island', and we're supposed to go to a place all the way on the east side?" I asked incredulously. Semarai nodded, giving a resigned sigh at about the same time I did.

"Please tell me there's a faster way to get there than walking..."

<Thanatos>

In a burst of ice and time, Ark'thugal appeared on the deck of a ship flying from Orbis to Ludibrium.

"HEEEERE'S JACKIE!" Ark'thugal roared. The little weaklings on the ship screamed and fled into the cabin, though one brave (or stupid) soul stayed on deck and, with a yell, charged. The Thanatos yawned and launched the little weakling into the air by forming a shaft of ice and shunting it upward. Then he slowed time on the unfortunate human. He stayed floating in the air, almost still. The ship didn't. Ark'thugal released the spell and savored the scream of panic as the human fell to his death. Now, how to get rid of the others...

He wrenched the door to the cabin off and reached an arm inside, then quickly pulled it out when this action was rewarded with a hammer to his fingers. Rubbing some feeling back into them, he fired a spear of ice through the doorway, earning a shout of pain. He then pulled the spear back out, a human frozen on it. This human he bludgeoned to death on the deck before tossing corpse off the ship. He peeked his eye through the doorway. Four little weaklings left... he growled something out in an ancient language, scaring the lot into retreating down the ladder in the cabin. Ah...

Ark'thugal froze time, then floated down to the bottom of the ship, where the humans were hanging onto a large crystal for dear life. He coated the crystal with a film of ice and restarted time, then just grinned as the poor saps slowly slid off the crystal and to their deaths below. Now, for the ship...

In Deep Time

Now that Ultramind actually knows what this room looks like, a number of doors floated about, with K'eva'nn sitting lazily on his Throne of Ice and Awesomeness.

"What's behind... DOOR NUMBER 34,552,990,273?" he asked rhetorically, then opened the door. A woman taking a shower screamed. K'eva'nn closed the door and chuckled.

Boom

"What the hell was that?" Raas'ingul asked.

Boom

"Sounds like... someone's firing at the outside wall or something. Can you actually get in here from out there?"

BOOM

A smoking, sparking vessel blasted through the 'wall' of the area, which quickly sealed itself up in a twist of time. The ship glanced off K'eva'nn's throne, then skidded along the ground to a screeching halt, the crystal on the bottom snapping off. Ark'thugal rose from the smoking ship.

"Here's MY throne, courtesy of Orbis!" he shouted.

<Semarai>

Time to try something I learned from a cartoon-- As that seemed to be where we were. An off-the-wall cartoon with floating islands, oversized heads, and completely stationary people sitting around with lightbulbs above their heads. And Maple Leaves. Lots of Maple Leaves...

"<Whistle> TAXI!" In seconds, a taxi drove up, and the doors magically opened.

"...Can't believe that worked."

"<Ahem> Where to, miss?" The driver impatiently inquired

"Er... We would like to get to Ellinia, please."

"'aight. That'll be 120 mesos," We started to climb in, "...EACH."

"Could you excuse us for a minute?" I dragged Ultramind a few feet away "Hey Ultramind, could you get us... Er... A free ride?"

<Ultramind>

I blinked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I chimed innocently. Normally I'd spawn a halo over my head at this point but I seem to lack that capability.

Semarai gave me a half-lidded glare. "I'm not blind, you know, I saw what you did to that ticketer. Nice touch, by the way."

"Oh, well thank you. Anyway in this case this guy is the driver, so that'd require me to be able to drive," I replied. Semarai gave me another odd look.

"You can't drive?"

"Never learned how. Never really needed to pilot land-based vehicles. Give me an airplane, I'm good. A starship? Even better. But I cannot drive a car," I muttered, crossing my arms.

"Well, you don't have to actually KILL the guy."

"Oh. Well that makes things so much easier," I grinned maniacally, and walked over to the car.

A few minutes later and some judicious usage of threats to certain bits of anatomy, we were off, driving along to Ellinia... with the driver occasionally shooting me some incredibly nervous looks.

<Semarai>

A quick cab ride later, we got out in some sort of massive forest. So massive, we were actually walking ON the undergrowth. The cab driver sped off so quickly he tore through a tree, which instantly pulled itself back into one piece

"...Some place, huh? Good to know that I won't be able to burn it down later. I can just..." I quickly glanced around, in search of Javi. I saw a passing cab (Not nearly as fast as ours), but nothing else. I walked up to a fairy-like creature leaning coolly against a tree trunk.

"Hey, sir, could you please tell me where Grendel the Really Old is?"

He responded, "That old cook? He's way at the top of this forest. Keeps telling people he can teach them magic. Nobody really believes him."

Of course, I stopped listening at "telling". TOP OF THE FOREST?! We have to CLIMB to the guy? ALL THESE TREES?! We aren't training to be warriors-- Why can't he just be at the frickin' bottom!? I could tell Ultramind was thinking the same thing. I was almost entirely sure of it. He was standing there... Frozen. Staring at the fairy. I promptly dragged him to a nearby rope ladder and forced him up.

<The Boss>

Well, I came out near some place called Kerning City. People ran in fear of me, and I chucked all these guys wearing naught but undershirts and swords every which way effortlessly. This wasn't fun at all. I figured there had to be some sort of place which could offer a challenge. I called for a taxi, just arriving from Lith Harbor, and...

<Javi>

Kerning City...

Yeah, this place can go to hell, too.

Weird old dude wants this taxi... looking at me funny. Yeah, screw you too. But these random newblings must be running away from him in fear for a reason. I hopped out of the taxi and ran away, because, ya know, who'd want to hang around a guy like that? And then some thug stops me ten feet away. Dammit, I don't have time for this.

"Hey, can you tell me where the creatively-named Dark Lord is?" Translation: Get outta my way, dipshit.

"Gimme your money, kid."

"I am NOT a kid, jacka--" Deep breath... don't want to start any trouble. Not here, not now. "Hey. You know what? Here," I said, handing him ten mesos... it was all I had.

He scowled. "That all ya got?"

"I'm a Beginner, what d'ya think I have, a fricking meso tree?"

His grimace ran deeper, and he trudged off in search of wealthier victims. Didn't need those ten mesos anyway.

(Yay for writer's block :/)

<The Boss>

Kid ran away. Sorta glad he did. Felt like there was some incredible power inside of him being held dormant. Hell, what am I scared of? I'm The Boss! Regardless, I didn't want a potential GM on my ass. Not again. I flung the taxi aside, effortlessly. Didn't need it anyway.

I looked along the distance, to observe this island. Nothing interesting except for a massive tree in the center. I proceeded to march straight at that tree, decimating anything in my path. Even that kid, if he got in my way. Oddly, there was a line outside of this place called "Fusion Bar". People with puny daggers and puny stars walked out of it as new people walked in. One of them plunged their dagger into my arm. He didn't live long after that. Especially after being flung into the relatively nearby ocean.

I was still interested in that tree.

<Ultramind>

This day gets better and better.

First I arrive in a forest, which I assume to be elf-ville. Nope, worse; FAIRY-ville. I desperately need to slaughter something, right freaking now.

Two, the Really Old guy is in this... town? Easy to tell where, it's the big elaborate building... all the way at the top of the forest. WOO.

Now, normally, there were a number of ways I could handle this. First, I could sprout wings and fly. Two, I could levitate if I was feeling lazy. Lazier, I could teleport. And if I were REALLY lazy, I'd just burn the trees holding his building up there so it'd be down here.

At the moment, though, none of these options were open, so the only thing to do was climb. Manually.

Some time and much swearing later, I pulled myself up onto the 'porch' of the building and panted. Semarai pulled herself up shortly behind me. I huffed and puffed as I laid there.

"Stupid... frail... human... meatbag... body..." I growled out between pants. Semarai gave me another odd look, but didn't ask. I rolled over and pushed myself to my feet, and then walked inside.

There didn't seem to be anyone there.

"Oh what the hell," I muttered. Semarai tapped on my shoulder and pointed up. I looked up to find a dude wearing obviously-magician clothes with a huge beard, a staff, and a glowing orb.

Oh and he was also hovering there.

"Dodongo dislike smoke," he said. Instantly, defying gravity, I was in his face and giving him an evil eye.

"NO," I snarled in his face. Then gravity asked me what the eff I thought I was doing up there and dragged me back to the ground. I looked up at Grendel.

"Gravity demands to know what you're doing up there, too."

"Hovering, what's it look like?" he responded nonchalantly. I mulled that over for a second.

"... Touche."

<Semarai>

"Hey, really old guy, don't mind my friend here. We just really want to become magicians," It was really painful saying that. I just have to remain in character just long enough...

"You aren't you," He responded, seeing through my disguised personality. I hid my anger.

"...Um, what do you mean?"

"You aren't allowing your true self to show. I cannot permit you to become a magician," He explained. Now I was getting pretty pissed.

"Hey, old man, I came here to learn magic. Climbed all the way up your god damn city in the forest, and I'm sure as hell going to learn magic!" I really didn't mean to do that. I am, however, fairly sure nobody heard me.

"Very well. Return to me when your Level is above 10 and your I-N-T. is above 20."

"...What?"

"...Ah, crap. Here. Magic. You can have it. Come back when you're stronger and I'll give you more," He teleported us to the base of the forest, with books in our hands.

"...Basics of Magic?" I stared at the book, "...He's starting us with basics? Well, I figured he'd at least give us wands or something."

Ultramind poked me, and pointed to the weapon shop, halfway up a nearby tree.

"Ah, sh--"

<Javi>

Let's see... turn left, second building to the right... through the door, down the stairs... move the bookcase, down more stairs... ah, now we're getting somewhere.

I stood in a pitch black room, hearing no sound except for my own impatient breathing. "Come on, Dark Lord. I know you're here."

The lights came on, revealing an incredibly posh room, filled with furniture you ordered from strange and exotic lands and had to wait six months to receive. Suddenly, a ninja-esque rogue appeared out of nowhere and stood in front of me. "Hey, Darky. I see you've redecorated," I said casually.

"Javier! Been a while, huh?" the Dark Lord replied, equally casual. "Yeah, the whole dystopic urban theme was getting kinda bland, so I hired some interior designers to fix up the whole place... kinda cool, don't you think?"

I took a reflexive glance around the room again, and turned back to him. "No comments from the peanut gallery."

"Sarcastic as ever, I see. Good call on the outfit, though, what with all the recent thievery and muggings... well, moreso than usual, anyway."

"Yeah... um... this isn't a disguise. Long story short, the GMs caught me kicking ass, declared that I shouldn't be allowed to kick so much ass, and then demoted me back to Beginner."

"Ooh... ouch. That really sucks, man. Like, seriously, I'm not even kidding."

"Yeah, I know, right?"

An awkward silence passed between us. A wooden bird popped out of an antique clock and informed us of the time. Five o'clock. Darky turned his attention back to me and asked, "So, I guess you're here to become a Thief, right?"

"... No. No, Darky," I stated flatly. "I'm here to play tag and Team Fortress 2."

"Wow! Really?"

"YES, I'm here to be a Thief!"

"Oh... well, okay then." He snapped his fingers, and I felt a tiny bit of thiefness seep back into my veins. "Sorry I can't do more. But, you know, regulations and all."

"Yeah... it's cool."

"Um... here. I'll give you this nifty starter claw I found in my cereal box this morning." He tossed me a claw and I caught it. I stared at it disapprovingly and redirected my disapproval to Darky. "Hey, it's the best I can do, all right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Well... thanks anyway." I shrugged and equipped the claw.

"Oh, and here's some stars, too." He pulled out a stack of Subi shurikens and-- oh crap--

"Hey! Don't THROW them at me!"

"Damn! Yeah... sorry." He handed me the throwing stars. "I trust I'll see you soon?"

"I sure hope so."

"Heh. Well, good luck, then."

"I'm a Thief, of course I've got LUK."

He chuckled as I left the room and reentered the urban jungle.