Welcome to the insanity that is your admins' minds. Yes, we brilliant administrators, keepers of the silent crypts (not crypt keepers, you ninnies, keepers of the....ah....nevermind), and all around nice gals have decided that the ultimate power of the universe is not enough, so we have decided to unleash our power on you, the unsuspecting mortals who choose to chain yourselves day and night to your keyboards for our express ego gratifications....
But it was fun to type that paragraph...
Moving on... Here are a few things you need to know before you join the tentacular (not testicular...garsh, where IS your mind?) embrace and all consuming monolith that is D.B.C.A:
WHAT THE HECK IS THE DBCA?
Okay, if you joined sometime in the prehistoric past known as B.M.B.W. (Before Mirror, and we don't feel like typing the rest of the demmed title) you know who we are and what we're on about. But for the rest of you poor slobs who were dragged in here kicking and screaming, or who stumbled in here...god knows how...
The DBCA in all it's glory, started with this...
“Is there any particular reason you sleep in a coffin Erik?” she asked curiously, Erik shrugged,
“To keep up the appearance of being dead, I suppose,” he looked down at her, “Or perhaps to make sure that no “crazed phangirl” as you so aptly put it, gets any of the wrong ideas.” Adriana flashed him a dark grin,
“I was hoping you hadn’t heard that.” She laughed, “Won’t work on anyone in the D.B.C.A. though,”
“The what?” Erik sounded amused, closing the door, now it was Adriana’s turn to shrug, “The Dramatic Black Cloak Addicts”
“Which are who, might I ask?”
“Well, pretty much anyone who likes you, Dracula, Snape, plus a few assorted others, all because you have a sexy black cape to swirl around. And if you’re a member of the sub division of “Cloaks and Coats,” we add in Spike from Buffy and Ja- uh, Captain Jack Sparrow as well.”
“Is there any real purpose in this?”
“No, not really, but it’s fun.”
Chapter 9 of A Mirror Between Worlds by Silvermasque published on fanfiction.net
We're a tightly knit group of persons who like the dark, caped men known as "angsts" ... Founded by Adi-bug, our Queen, as a wee bit o' joke, this site has grown to include many sub-sites, and has become, for manyof us, a second home. That said... like any good parent, we strive to keep a nice home.
SO LISTEN UP! AND YES THIS MEANS YOU! AND WHY ARE WE YELLING?
ahem...sorry. Okay, now where were we? Oh yes (clearing throats importantly). ThE RULES...or HOW TO KEEP A NICE HOME DANGIT!:
1. Wipe your Feet
-- We like to keep our home relatively clean:
A. We know you swear. We swear. Our Grandmother Swears, but still PLEASE! Keep swearing to safe or relatively funny words: buggered, damn, hell, demmed, shite.. get it? Anything you would hear in an American cinema rating of PG. Don't know what that is? Look it up... you've access to the bleeding internet, demmit. The only place you should see "fuck" or "cunt" or anything else considered excessively crude is in this sentence. Understand? Use an alternate. We like "effing."
Think you can do that? Good. Because if you don't we will kindly warn you. Mess with us and we will tell you to "eff" off in no uncertain terms.
B. This is a teen friendly site. IF you are OVER 18...feel free to visit and post all of your delicious smut that you think everyone on earth would like to wank to in the bathroom. Otherwise, keep it to yourself. We don't want to be sued or prosecuted for pimping minors.
Smut, in case you were wondering, includes LEMONS (graphic descriptions: hint -- if you included nipples, manhood, or bead of moisture in your romantic scene, it's probably smut), PORNO (pics, clips, links, or movies), and OVERT SLASH (once again, probably dealing with lemons here.).
By the way, as if we should even have to say this child smut (that would be pedopheliac smut) is FOR-BID-DEN and will be reported to the proper authorities. Period. DON"T MESS. Like we said, we have incredible powers...
2. Sweep and Dust as Needed
-- we expect basic rules of internet courtesy to apply.
A. Don't fanwank. or phanwank.. or JUST DON"T DO IT!!!! We expect reasonable, thought out, coherent posts from our members. In other words. BE LITERATE, CHICAGO. wanking includes the following asinine behaviors:
-- IM-speak: that is, excessive abbreviations. allowed: LOL. OMG. IMHO. JK. ROTFL and the more popular ROTFLMAO. and of course POTO, GOF, etc. you know. ones that your grandmother uses.... this is really an honor thing, but if we see alphanumeric codes or excessive strung-together abbreviations... we'll warn you. That shite is for IMing or PMing...got it? we expect you to be able to type "too, or to, or two" instead of 2...
-- TeEn-TrYiNg-2B-CoOl-type: Don't. Just don't. Or we'll delete it and then warn you, and maybe send A Sue to color your hair bubble-gum pink. With a cheese grater.
-- wanking thought patterns: this would look like:
"Leik OMG, Liek Gerrard is so hot and I think, he is teh sex, and he is so not gay or whatevar..." -- note the total lack of proofreading here.
B. DO NOT POST any post/story that contains a SUE (unless she is being tortured or mocked) or a completely idiotic storyline. We allow open criticism of wanks (NOTE: NOT FLAMES!!), so if you're insecure...DON'T POST!!!! Chances are you're a fanwanker. And proof read the bloody thing, PLEASE.... or don't be surprised if it's cut... and while we're at it...NO spamming or "cutey kitty cat" posts... ever.
DO NOT POST any story that DOES NOT CONTAIN AN ANGST.... this should be self explanatory. Go to the Attic and check out the Guidelines for more details.
C. All right, and we'll admit it, we -- your mods -- are all over the ripe age of 15, so we expect a certain level of maturity. If you are a 13 year old who can hang with the Sharks, great. If not, get out of the water. There ARE other forums out there...
D. Please keep your sigs tidy. If they are too big or annoying any mod or Admin will remove it and PM you the code. The incident will be logged. If it happens too many times you will not be sent the code and any pictures that were in your sig will be lost. However it is not our problem.
If your sig stretches the page it is considered to be to big. If I have to scroll too much it is too big. If it's covered in many animated things that annoy the Admin it will also be removed.
If your sig is bigger than the admins, it's too big.
If your sig is longer than the admins, it's too big
If your sig is prettier than the admins, it's too big... Not really. But you should really suck up and make us a nice addy.
Bribery is accepted at the DBCA.
No. not really
3. Make your Beds
A. No FORUM WARS... if you have a bone to pick, use the PMs or IM someone. FORUM ARGUMENTS ARE FORBIDDEN. you're not allowed to flame. GOT IT? If you do you WILL be warned.
In fact, now that we think of it... no wars at all.. arguments (we prefer to refer to them as discussions) throught pm are fine, but either party may report the pms by fwrding them to us, or just copy paste. say that if they get a pm that they are uncomfortable with to save it.. because we require evidence if we are going to warn someone for this. If you want to stalk someone because you're experiencing PMS, or threaten them, via PM, fine. Just realize that we'll probably know about it and act on it. And Karma's a real snarky bitch.
But don't tattle. or we might get ticked and warn YOU. Think before you blink...
B. No Holy CRUSADES or Political Jiminies, either... You're not allowed to try and convert anyone to or from anything. Period. This isn't E.B.T.A (Existentially Binding Theories Addicts) it's a flippin' social group. Keep it light. and stay away from religion (unless you are saying, for instance, "Alan Rickman is god!"); politics (unless it has to do with, say, the power structure of POTC2 [and yes, that's an allowable abbreviation!]); race (unless it's, for instance, let's take a poll to elect the better Phantom); or sexual preference (feel free to post links to slash in the bathroom. Otherwise, stay off the topic. It really does offend some people (of both persuasions) no matter which way you feel (pro/against)... and almost always leads to some big argument or debate. However slash may be included in a fic in the attic if there is a warning in the topic description.. if there is no warning and we find slash it will be moved to the bathroom and if you are underage you will not see it again until you are old enough to get the password.. this make take some of you several years. Having the warning means that you still have to keep it PG at most.
Desperate to talk about these issues? PM someone.
C. Don't Troll, Flame, or Wank (wanking is when you post idiotic posts, on purpose, in mockery of people who actually do that. If you need to do that, we have a lovely sister site where it is encouraged and loved....ask for more details) anyone -- do we really need to explain this one? One word: WARNINGS...
D. No duplicate accounts (accounts in which more than one name uses the same IP address), all such activity is banned. If you create a duplicate account all of your accounts will be banned.
The only exception will be if someone can categorically prove that they are using a library/public account. This should be done by the original account be PM-ing all Admins, otherwise all accounts from that IP will be deleted.
We have enough trouble keeping all of you crazy phangrls in line. Don't confuse us further by duplicating accounts. Okay, that's a lie, too. you won't confuse us -- we can see your IP addy (NO< not ADI! Addy, as in address) -- think of us as God on this site, only not so forgiving or merciful.
Point? We'll delete your account. Permanently. Unless you can prove you're at the library and that somehow magically anothre DBCA'n has used the same computer to log in (Hey, we know we're popular, but really.)
Or if your twin sister is using your computer (*rolls eyes*) AND your mom is willing to actually call us.
As in Australia.
On OUR TIME
To prove you're two people.
Yeah. Don't duplicate.
WHEW! Okay, so now some FAQ:
BUT I need to fanwank/squee...
Okay, a) that is not a question and that's why we have the HALL of SHAME. Our members can safely squee there to their hearts content, or Wank and pretend phanwank while mocking the ones who are seriously squeeing... BUT:
-- Please note: your posts there will NOT count toward your post count. So squee. Fine. But you get bubkiss for it.
-- Members are expected to maintain clean and friendly behavior there too. So excessive swearing and badgering or mention of forbidden topics should be reported if you see them...
Can I post non-DBCA angst fic?
No. If you have a story that is not related to the DBCA angsts you can go and post it somewhere else because we don't want to see it.. well that's not completely true, you can post a thread in the Hall of Shame telling the DBCA members that you have a fic located on another site that they may be interested in. However you must post any warnings on the link as you would have to when posting a story here.
So what is the warning system?
Glad you asked!
a violation of our Rules will result in a report being sent to one of your lovely mods or Admins...
If we find you have violated our secret code (okay the one we just blurted out and splashed all over the internet), we'll warn you privately. That's your freebie.
Then comes warnings (our mods will send you a PM letting you know you will be getting a warning. Your ADMINS will determine the level of warning.)
When you reach 100 percent warning level, you will be banned. A lack of proofreading won't be as warned as, say, an vile word.
Trust us, if you call someone an "effing" (not using that word, of course, because it's allowed) whore while asking why the hell she doesn't like slash and posting nakey pics of children on your avatar, you'll probably rack up the whole warning in one shot (and of course go to jail).
Let us be really clear in case you want to argue about warning levels in the future -- our discretion is completely arbitrary. Arbitrary, by the way doesn't mean unfair. It just means that we have all the say and you have none. Deal with it. Don't believe us? Use a dictionary. That's why the ADMINS determine the level, even though the mods determine if a warning is necessary.
Mods, you got that too? You are not all powerful. We are. End of story. No not actually... read on, Mods...
MODERATOR GUIDELINES (skip this if you're not a mod. Or heck, read it for fun):
1. You are moderators. Moderating is checking your forum CONSISTENTLY (and all of the recent threads therein) to ensure that there is compliance with the rules and general love all around. It is not a free pass to the big-girls forums (well, it is but that is besides the point) -- it is not an excuse to harrass people who really really annoy you -- unless they're wanking. In which case you should report them to us, so that we can harrass them.
2. You are not above the rules. Break them and we will warn YOU. or (gasp) ban you.... wouldn't that be a tragedy? Or worse...stop you from being a mod!!!!!!
3. Moderating has its priveleges. Don't abuse them.
...right now being a mod seems to be a "cool I can do what I want" position, as opposed to a I'm-manning-the-board-toensure-no-wankage thing. THAT STOPS NOW.
we're deadly serious about this....
We expect you to act like grown ups. Sorry. It's part of the job.
1.Man your board faithfully. Get on. Check every day. read the posts. It's a lot of work, we know. It should take an hour or more a day, if you're really reading EVERY POST in your forum and not just what interests you. (And no, we don't have to do that. That's why we have you...) If you can't do it, give the baton to someone who can.
2. Report to us before you PM your poster if a warning is necessary. If we find out you've been allowing things to slide, we'll just remove you from your post. No warnings there. Especially (ESPECIALLY) if we find you've been doing it because someone is your extra-special friend. This is a job. Treat it as such.
3. You are considered a power player in our little home. Oh Golly. You've got a standard to set. So we expect you to refrain from any behavior that would be considered immature or nasty. No bitchiness for you, even on PMs, in your own forum especially.
Only one person gets to be a bitch -- and that's the Naomitron, the Voice of the Admins
[Adi: Naomi, noone is going to get that Dogma reference.
Naomi: Yes, they will
Adi: NO, they WON'T
Naomi: YES THEY WILL!
Adi: Who's the queen
Adi: Who's the Queen?? I couldn't hear you...
Naomi: You are Adi (grumbles under her breath)
Adi: They won't get the reference. And you can't be bitchy. Unless you're posting official responses such as this one.
Naomi: can I get back to posting then? I feel a real need to be bitchy...it's almost my ladies' time
Mel: Have we determined whether "bitchy" is an acceptible swear word yet?
Adi and Naomi: NO!
Adi: But I get to be bitchy whenever I want...
Naomi: No you don't
Adi: Yes I do.
Naomi: No you don't
Adi: YES. I. DO
Naomi: NO YOU EFFING DON'T
Mel: Erm, naomi... language
Naomi: What? I said effing, right (checks typing) I think I said...yep. here it is..."e-f-f-i-n-g." effing.)
Mel: right, then.
Adi: I do.
Naomi: No you don't
Adi: Who's the Queen?
(Naomi looks irritatidly at Adi..."fine!")Naomi: ... (Adi looks at her expectabtly, foot tapping and arms crossed) and Adi. Cuz she's the Queen.]
...sorry. We know, it's hard to play nice, but you'll manage.
Anyhow...good. Now that we've cleaned house...sit back, relax, and have fun...
Your Crazy and Megalomaniacal Admins...