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Title: Loserz Forumite Story the II
Description: Not a porno this time.


Snoogy - August 13, 2006 05:48 AM (GMT)
Story is Begin!
-------o-------

The sun hit the yellow roads. For once, everything was desolate. A lone man lay nude on the rooftop of what was once the bank. A line of drool trailed down and was dripping off a wooden spike.

"Cheese butter!" He shouted, breaking the painful silence of the dead city. He leapt up into the air, flailing his arms wildly. He had brown wavy hair, not too long, but not too short. His shirt was blue, and had a piece of mutton decorating the center. He had dark gray pants, and brown shoes. His black hat shadowed his brow and eyes.

"Banana cream!" A female voice shouted from across the city. The boy looked around in fear, not knowing

"Where the fuck am I?"

...son of a bitch stole my fucking line.

where the fuck he was.

"...uh... hello?" He bellowed. "...who are you?" The voice shouted back. "I'm Batman!" He shouted instinctively, a smile on his face. His smile vanished. "Wait! No! I'm Snoogy!" He said.

"Who's Snoogy?" The voice asked. "...Wha?" He shouted back, bewildered. "Well, you said you were Snoogy. But WHO is Snoogy? I know your name, but who's behind it!"

"Uh... me?" He replied after a pause. "I don't know what you want me to say." "...fair enough. Tis I, Saydrah the Shaved." "As opposed to?" Snoogy shouted, not recognizing the obviously female voice. "Well, as opposed to my vagoo having corn rows." Saydrah shouted back. "Oh... I've always wondered if trims had toupees."

"...what?"

"Nothing. Where are you?" Snoogy rapidly changed the subject.

"Uhm..." The girl yelled. "Here."

"Alright." Snoogy said, after a long pause.

"HI FRIENDS!" Another voice came in. "Tis I, Dreamwalker! I walk in your dreams!"

"Hey Dream! It's Saydrah!" Saydrah shouted, with a giggle. "The SHAVED?" Dreamwalker replied with shock. "As opposed to...?" She asked.

"Well, your vagoo could have-"

"Who the fuck are you?" Snoogy shouted at the newcomer. There was a bit of silence.

"...are you single?" Dreamwalker said after a while. "It's Snoogy, Dream." Saydrah said. "Oh, so that's a definite yes." Dream said, not meaning to be cruel. "What colour are your eyes?"

Snoogy started to reply, but had begun crying. "I... don't... KNOW..." He wheezed. "Daphne." He tried. "That's not a colour, sir."

Yet another voice joined the party. "It is I, Baron Fy. First name, Hydrowol." "Howdy, Hydrowolfy." A fourth voice jumped in.

"Who the fuck ARE you people?" Snoogy said mid-tears. A hand popped out of the ground behind him. He screamed. Another hand popped out. A man emerged, climbing his way out of the earth. After he was standing, he brushed some dirt off himself. He had a roundish face, and a hat. He had black clothes, and glasses.

"Snoogs! What's happening!" Saydrah shouted.

"I don't know... a lego pirate just crawled out of the-" WHAM. The newcomer smacked Snoogy in the face with a large hammer.

To be continued.

------OOOO----
PART II
------boooob---

Awakening! That is what happened to Snoogy, when hit with the hammer.

Was the hammer magic? No. It just jiggled his brain a bit. For a minute there, Snoogy was moderately sane. Now that his brain is twisted a little, he's back to the OLD Snoogy.

"Wow, thanks Tam. Now I can go get sued for touching Wallsy's tits!" He said with a slightly psychotic tone.

"Hmm. This hammer situation has amused this old Baron..." Hydrowol Fy stated.

"Give it a rest, Hydro. We already know you're Hydrowolfy, not Baron Fy." Dreamwalker shouted to him. "Shit! How, you damn geniouses, how did you know?" Hydrowolfy shouted with rage and frustration.

There was a loud thump. "Uh, guys, the walls are NOT made of marshmallow." His pained voice quivered as he yelled. "...j-just a heads up. Ow."

"THANKS, SIR." I yelled. "I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND. Wait, but how'd you know about the hammer? You must be watching me!" Snoogy said, sounding as suspicious as a french person in America. "Uh..." Hydrowolfy pondered the question. And statement. "Nope, I'm in a closed off area. Four walls. Can't see you." He said. "Wait, then how did I-"

And then, Hydrowolfy's brain exploded. "S'okay guys, just a little head explosion. No biggie." He reassured everybody.

Just then, Snoogy experienced yet another hammer. This time, it was Saydrah. "Walls' naughty bits belong to ME." She yelled. Tama, aroused by the hammering, shouted with glee.

"It's HAMMER TIME."

And then Snoogy was bludgeoned by a hammer weilded by a bigass e-slut. As well as one weilded by Saydrah.

---
Several hours later, Saydrah and Tama were out of breath.

"Oh... my... god... we... killed... Snoogy..." Saydrah said. Tama started mumbling something about how his parents tricked him into doing so, followed by something about his sister being a rapist. Then he went to the corner to masturbate, cursing Radio Shack.

"We... must... find...-"

Just then (that's a fun phrase. Or... phun... hehehehehheheheheheheheheeheheheheheheheheheehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
heheheheehehehehehehehehehe...heh...heheh... heheheh), a man came out from nowhere. He was naked. As well as nearly green. He was stoned. He stumbled towards Saydrah, and cockslapped her. Miraculously, Snoogy stood up.

"Braiiiiins..." He gurgled. Hydrowolfy showed up as well, uttering the same word.

"Braaaaains!" Snoogy yelled at Hydro.
"Brains."
"Braaaaaaains."
"Cerebellum!"
"No. Brains."
"...braaaaiiiiiiinnnssss"
"Mother braiiiiins..."
"Gruuuh?"
"Samus..."

They both stood there drooling a bit. Then Hydrowolfy went to the corner to masturbate, ignoring Tama.

To be continued...

--------------o_o--------------
Part the Third!
---(. Y .)---

"...Did you fucking turn them loud ones into zombies?" Dreamwalker shouted to the masses. Aneurysm looked around, acting very akin to a sloth. He slothfully ambled toward a tree, and slothfully began to climb it. He lay down, slothfully. Then closed his eyes. Not that slothfully, because that requires no energy.

"...yes. Yes he did." A new voice joined in. Tama shouting in disgust signified that Hydrowolfy was finished. Saydrah began eating a frisbee.

"Moosembublerry." The man, wearing a monocle stepped out. He donned a black fez (New wave!! Get yours now! Only 99999999999999 pence! British money, folks!) He had a black tuxedo on, as well. He had long, brown hair.

"Count Refait, is the name." He said, grinning at his devilishy clever pun. "I have come with a cure for Zombitus."

*Camera zoom into his face!! Huzzah!! Tree in background!!* Aneurysm fell out of his tree. In the background. He made a plopping noise, like a fish.

Tama continued to mumble about radio shack, and Saydrah had about half the frisbee jammed into her mouth.

"How do you cure being a zombie?" The far-away Dreamwalker bellowed.

"With MAGICS and WITCHCRAFT!" T-Prime shouted, holding a stiff finger up. He disappeared with a loud poof. Not only did he make the noise, but he brought Dreamwalker with him! Now THAT'S dedication to audio! Take THAT Skywalker Sound!

"PRECISELY!" Contrefait said dramatically. Snoogy exploded due to the drama. Saydrah exploded because she had a frisbee in her mouth. Hydrowolfy exploded because it was a side-effect of zombitus. Aneurysm exploded because his tree (which he lay next to) was really a bomb. Tama exploded because God hated him. Contrefait didn't explode. He stood there looking rather confused and surprised.

"I declare hax!" Allah shouted with rage.

And Contrefait was mauled by a stampede of Wobuffets. The last thing he heard was the dreaded war cry of the blue beasts.

Then Allah exploded from the awesome.

The End... or is it (Hint: By the nine divines, it's NOT)

-------------69-------------
Parto IVo
------------nubs-----------

20 minutes before ending up in the place where they were...

A girl, wearing no clothes, apart from her green goggles that obscured her eyes, was toiling away over a tiny metal device. Sparks flew everywhere as she repeatedly hammered it. Tossing the blunt shaft of metal aside, she brushed a loose strand of blonde hair away from her face. She scratched her breast for a moment, and chewed on her lower lip. She spun around, her ponytail flapping, and stood on her toes to reach up to a high up shelf in the dark room. The only light in the room came from a hallway, through a door right next to the shelf.

Grunting, she hopped a little on the balls of her feet. Eventually, she got a wrench. Sighing with relief, a small smile spread on the lighter side of her face. She placed it on the table next to her half-completed device, and picked up a sandwich. She took a hefty bite, and chewed loudly, admiring her work so far.

"Mm... bacon..." She said, through chewing. She gulped, and took a large breath, she stretched her arms a little, grunting. She picked up the wrench, and went back to work.

After toiling for about ten minutes over the machine, she giggled. Her shoulders quivered with excitement. Her giggle turned into a cackle. She coughed a bit. She cleared her throat, and held up her small device. Her stomach growled. She picked up her sandwich bag, but it was empty. She pulled on some pants, and a shirt, and placed the device in her back pocket, along with her hammer. She hobbled through the light, down a hall to a kitchen.

She took a left down the blank, white, spotless hall. In the middle of it, was a pool with sharks in it. The sharks weren't visible, meaning they were tired. She jumped up, and grabbed the transparent handlebars over the pool. Grunting, she ambled her way over the pool, and dropped down on the other side. She rubbed her tired arms. Just then, a hand popped out of the pool.

Her shrieks reverberated across the hall. She tried pulling it away, but just fell down. An axe chopped next to her, and up came a man with a scuba mask on. He pulled his way out of the pool, removed the mask, and tossed it aside. He wore a plaid shirt that he had rolled up to his elbows, and blue overalls. He wore flippers.

"Howdy!" He said, holding his hand out to the girl. "Name's Scuba Lumberjack, you can call me Scuba." He said with a grin. The girl stared at him through her thick, green goggles. She clenched her teeth, and kicked him into the pool. He shrieked like a girl, and flailed his arms wildly. A shark came out and ate him. The girl sighed with relief. Just then, a monkey came out of the walls, and smashed her with a banana.

---

"Cheese butter!" A voice came into the girls mind. She opened her eyes abruptly. She was in a strange valley, and had no pants. Realizing she had finally found another person, she smiled. She tried to think of something to shout back.

"Banana cream!" She yelled, with a note of glee in her voice.

This could be... the INTERNET.

---

BACK TO WHERE WE LEFT OFF

---

Blood covered the valley. Everybody had exploded. A lone wobuffet remained, surveying the field. He had blood on his feet, signifying the fact that he had just been a'tramplin'.

"Wahhhhhh... buffet." He shouted, and hobbled into the distance. Saydrah's lower half began to roll down a small hill. There was a clicking noise in the back pocket of her pants, as her legs dragged downwards.

The world turned off like a TV.

---

"Cheese butter!" A voice shouted. Saydrah woke up once more. Her recollection of what happened throughout this entire story raced through her mind. She frowned a little, realizing she was in a different spot from before.

"Banana cream!" A feminine voice echoed. Saydrah recognized it as her own. She stood up. She knew what she had to do.

Just then, a monkey came and knocked her out.

---
ten minutes later...
---

"Fuck!" She said, looking down at the mess of blood and organs. She watched the wobuffet hobble away. She heard a phone ring. She looked at a tusk like thing, and saw a celphone duct-taped to it. She picked it up.

"...hello?" She said, after a pause. Just then, the phone exploded, knocking Saydrah over. Materializing out of thin air, a woman stood. Her dark hair blew in the wind. She had a white shirt with a blue star on it. She looked at Saydrah, and flapped her wings a bit. She healed Saydrah's missing ear with her mind, then looked at the massacre. She closed her eyes, and everybody's parts were all put back together. She opened her eyes, and breathed life into the valley. Everybody woke up, as if from a dream.

"...who... are you?" Saydrah managed to ask, in awe.

"...Zip." The woman said. She flapped her wings several times, then began to fly away.

"Uh... guys... my name is Kirby... and I think a monkey just kidnapped me and took me... uh.." the silhouette of a man on top of the large wall 100 meters away from Saydrah shouted. Zip grabbed him, causing him to scream. She took him with her, into the distance. Saydrah saw his pants fall off, causing an evil laugh to emit from Zip's lungs.

A large man with a light beard, eating chips, with a pencil behind his ear, came out of a tall building.

"You're all a bunch of fucks." He said, and plunked himself down on the ground. "Especially you." He said, glaring at Snoogy. The newcomer looked around, and mumbled something about being in Orgrimmar. He looked at Saydrah, and her shirt exploded.

And all was well with the world.

ENDING TIIIEM (but probably not)
``````````````````````````````
``````````````````````````````
PART % (SHIFT KEY JUST BROKE< SORRY)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AFTER ERIK HAD RIPPED OFF SAYDRahs shirt with his... hey... Shift key is fine now! It's okay!

After Erik had ripped off Saydrah's shirt with his mind, he disappeared into the wind.

"Wow. What a magical guy." Snoogy said under his breath.

Let's do a recap.

Erik has just revealed that they are all in the orc city of Orgrimmar. Look up maps on google, or screenshots or some shit. Snoogy and Hydrowolfy are standing in front of the bank. Saydrah is on top of the flight point tower thingy, which is just behind the bank. Kirby was on the wall, but Zip kidnapped him and molested him. Erik was in the middle of the road, in front of the wall and entrance/exit. Dreamwalker WAS up in the Valley of Spirits, but he came down and was kidnapped by T-Prime. Allah randomly appeared, and unleashed wobuffets. The wobuffets are now running across Durotar. Allah is a few feet away from Snoogy and Hydrowolfy. Currently, Tama is by the entrance to the Drag, with his pants off. Aneurysm is by a tree, in the far corner of the city, next to the entrance/exit. Scuba Lumberjack is nowhere to be found, and is probably dead. Erik is riding the winds, probably hurl thunder at noobs in Ironforge. Lastly, Contrefait is lying on the ground behind Snoogy.

A new guy comes out of the inn, and walks up the hill to Snoogy and Hydro. He says nothing, but shoves the two aside. He walks around the bank, and up the hill to the tower. Hydro and Snoogy decide to follow him. They run after him, as he starts ascending the ramp to the top of the tower. When they get there, his pants disappear, and they see a bewildered Saydrah, topless, on her butt, leaning on her hands, and staring into the distance.

Wildcard cockslaps her. The three pause and stare at Saydrah, waiting for her to react.

"Yep. She saw Kirby nekkid. She's comatose." Wildcard said, breaking the silence. "She hired me. She said I was to make sure nobody ravaged her while she was unconscious, because she wanted to be awake when ravaged." he explained. "Touch her and I shoot you with this gun." Wildcard reaches down his pants (which he pulled up while talking), and takes out a 6 foot long carbine. Nobody knows how he could lift it.

"Can we draw on her boobehs?" Hydrowolfy asked. Wildcard pondered this. Eventually, he pulled out a sharpie, and the three went to work.

Meanwhile, Contrefait regained consciousness. He looked to his left, and saw nothing. He looked to his right, and saw Tama lying there, naked, with his hands behind his head, staring into the distance.

"Uhm... what're you doing?" Contrefait asked him. "Where are our clothes?"

Tama continued staring.

"A ghost wearing Halo armor paid me 500 bucks to undress you, and lie next to you while he took a picture. When I asked why, he just babbled about how he wasn't gay." Tama replied, sounding very relaxed. "...so I let him."

Contrefait stared at Tama.

"Do I get a cut?" He eventually asked. Tama handed him a five dollar bill. "Aw, sweet! I can get, like, two boxes of crackers and chocolate milk with this!" Contrefait said, giggling. "I'm going to a convenience store right now!"

And so, the naked man ran.

Aneurysm was also naked. He began walking in a straight line, until he hit a wall. Then he turned around, and walked back. He did this for a while, until a man came out of nowhere and punched him in the mouth.

"YOU. FUCKING. ASSHOLE!" He shouted at Aneurysm. Aneurysm awoke from his trance.

"Guh? Where the fuck did I go?" He said, sitting up. He saw Contrefait skip past him, grinning at his moola. "...heaven?"

Dreamwalker came out of the giant archway.

"Close enough!" He said, whipping out a disposable camera. "Howdy, Nestor."

The newcomer who had punched Aneurysm in the face tipped his cowboy hat.

"Your camera fucking sucks. Here's why." Nestor said loudly. He took out a clipboard, and began drawing diagrams, babbling about shit.

Another man popped out of nowhere, and punched Nestor in the face. Kneeling over him, he punched him, making a loud smacking noise.

Smack.
Smack.
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"Gruuah... ow..." Nestor panted, his face... well, gone.

Smack.
Smack.
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Smack.

"What's up, Janus?" Dreamwalker said to the newcomer. Janusmaxwell (the newcomer) paused, and gave a confused look to Dreamwalker.

Smack.

"Ah, nothing much. Just beating ol' Nestor here." Janus replied. He reached into Nestor's pocket, and pulled out a 5 dollar bill. "AW! Awesome! Five dollars! I can get like, two bags of Doritos and some gum with this!" He shouted with glee. He ripped off his clothes, and began skipping after Contrefait, holding the money in front of him, wearing a big smile. Dreamwalker took pictures.

End of this part.

------o-o------
Part 6
0-------------0

"Hey Nestor, sup?" Josken asked Nestor, as they sat outside Orgrimmar, watching the sun go down.

"I just got punched in the face 102 times..." Nestor replied.

"Bummer." Josken said, after a long pause. "I wonder what that feels like." Nestor looked over to Josken. He stood up, and leaned over him.

Smack.
Smack.
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"Ow... wow, that's 56 times... I think I've had enough." Josken said, spitting out some teeth. Nestor paused a bit.

Smack.
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Smack.

Nestor pulled away from Josken and sat back down.

"Wow, that really does hurt." Josken said, barely alive. Nestor nodded, and offered him a beer.

Meanwhile, in Stormwind...

"HAHAHA! DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKING HUMANS. MOVE YOUR HUMAN LEGS. HAAHAHA" Erik screamed from the clouds, chucking lightning down on the hectic, burning city. "BRING ME CONCUBINES, OR YOUR TINY KING WILL NO LONGER HAVE ICE CREAM!"

"For the love of god, do what he says!" The small, royal child shouted urgently. A small line of women were being catapulted in the sky towards Erik, who guffawed and caught them all in a giant net.

"Bahaha! Now to Ironforge! Maybe I can get some b00ze!"

Meanwhile, back in Orgrimmar...

"I drew a unicorn :D!" Hydrowolfy said with glee, pointing at his little unicorn next to Saydrah's belly.

"I drew a dragon! But he's having SEX." Snoogy said, with equal traces of glee in his voice. The two stared at him with anticipation. He eyed both of them. "With a UNICORN." He finally spat out. The three all giggled excitedly. "What did YOU draw, Wild?"

Wildcard stared a bit. They all looked above Saydrah's boobs. There was an expertly drawn robot shooting ice beams at a half-woman half-tank.

"I drew an Ice Robot shooting a She-Tank!" Wildcard said with glee. The three giggled once more. Saydrah moaned. "OH SHIT. IT MOVES." Wildcard lept into Hydrowolfy's arms.

"Why... HELLO there, sailor?" Hydrowolfy said, arching his eyebrow.

"GRAAAH! WHY THE FUCK ARE UNICORNS BUTTFUCKING ON MY TUMMY!" Saydrah screamed, sitting up abruptly.

"Uhm..."

Meanwhile...

"Kiiirbyyy, don't run, I haven't even finished with the strap-on!" Zip shouted, running up a ramp in the middle of the Deeprun Tram. The Tram whizzed by them, towards Ironforge. The naked Kirby quickly leapt on. Zip stopped, missing it. "Bwaha... I love chasing prey :3"

"So... you're Erik..." Kirby said, panting, holding onto a railing as the tram whizzed by. Erik, being surrounded by Stormwind bitches, merely glared. He palmed Kirby in the face, knocking him off the tram. He would've died, if Zip hadn't caught him.

"So... how bouts some more of that buttsecks? Your butt ain't gonna get secksed without ME."

Meanwhile...

Allah twitched a little. Nobody saw, but he twitched.

Tama came out from around the corner.

"I'ma do cool things, but you can't see!" He shouted at the gods. He went into the bank, and masturbated wearing a pope hat and shooting lasers at a wall.

Dreamwalker took another picture.

"Damn, out of film." He said, having spent all 50 pictures. Tama handed him another camera, and began to pose.

Meanwhile...

"WOOT! WE GOT FOOD! Now let's have buttsecks..."

Meanwhile, in Darnassus, after Erik ran across Dun Morogh, through Loch Modan, and the Wetlands, on a couple boats, and through a teleporter, all carrying bitches and booze.

"I'VE COME TO MURDER ALL YOU NIGHT ELF FUCKS." He screamed. There was no reply. He looked around, and saw nobody. He wandered the city a bit, and still saw nobody. "Hello?"

"Yo!" T-Prime shouted, eating a bag of chips and sucking his own dick.

"Why are you doing that in public?" Erik asked. "That's kinda gross, but interesting nonetheless."

"Who the fuck is going to see me in Darnassus? This city blows. Everybody's in Ironforge or Stormwind." T-Prime replied, wiping his mouth.

"Huh... that's very logical." Erik said. "...uh... can you teach me to do that?"

END PART.

Saydrah - August 13, 2006 05:52 AM (GMT)
I read this until I saw the not a porno part. Then I stopped.

AneurysM - August 13, 2006 05:55 AM (GMT)
damn, I just don't have the words or emoticons for this shit...

include me damnit!

Korin - August 13, 2006 09:45 AM (GMT)
*bounces in an appreciative, if "include me" sort of way*

Sender - August 13, 2006 06:11 PM (GMT)
.... LSD trip?

boboloo666 - August 13, 2006 08:42 PM (GMT)
Story needs 2 things, a pimp and an EMO slaying banana.

Snoogy - August 14, 2006 02:12 AM (GMT)
I updated it, folks.

WildCard4005 - August 14, 2006 05:11 AM (GMT)
It needs the official forum pimp and the underpimp.

LeftoverCrack - August 14, 2006 06:03 AM (GMT)
I want to be in this? Am I drunk? Why yes, I think I am.

Runintowallsalot - August 14, 2006 07:30 AM (GMT)
woo.
I'm never mentioned in these things but my tits usually are.

Snoogy - August 14, 2006 07:45 AM (GMT)
Foreshadowing, my dear. Foreshadowing.

What do you MEAN it's supposed to be subtle?

MyrmidonZero - August 15, 2006 01:03 PM (GMT)
Ah, I remember the old Loserz porno... good times they were... good times...

Syncopated - August 15, 2006 04:28 PM (GMT)
That Porno was the shit, seriously, I think I'm going to produce something exactly like it. Live action, bitches.

WildCard4005 - August 15, 2006 07:17 PM (GMT)
Make sure you have a zoom lens for my cock shots.

I mean...what?

Josken - August 15, 2006 08:04 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (WildCard4005 @ Aug 15 2006, 02:17 PM)
Make sure you have a zoom lens for my cock shots.

I mean...what?

Making jokes about how small your dick is, how Kevin Smith of you!

WildCard4005 - August 15, 2006 08:25 PM (GMT)
It is Kevin Smith, but I was doing that before I knew it was a Kevin Smith thing. Frankly, it's funnier. Who wants to hear a guy say "Yo, I've got a mammoth cock and I last all night." That makes people go "Yeah, right, you fucking douche bag." But when you say "I've got a small dick and shoot my load in 30 seconds or less" well, that's just good comedy.

hydrowolfy - August 15, 2006 08:27 PM (GMT)
why are we always shouting? and how come i can't have the cebrbelum? that the best part!

cactus_jack - August 16, 2006 05:12 AM (GMT)
Wait, why wasn't I in there? And more importantly, why don't you have Ray Lewis coming in and laying a body-shattering tackle on some fool?

Sender - August 17, 2006 12:23 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (cactus_jack @ Aug 16 2006, 01:12 AM)
Wait, why wasn't I in there? And more importantly, why don't you have Ray Lewis coming in and laying a body-shattering tackle on some fool?

Cuz Ray Lewis isn't in the forums. And Ray Lewis would get his ass kicked by David Pollack. There, I said it.

cactus_jack - August 17, 2006 01:25 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (Sender @ Aug 16 2006, 07:23 PM)
QUOTE (cactus_jack @ Aug 16 2006, 01:12 AM)
Wait, why wasn't I in there? And more importantly, why don't you have Ray Lewis coming in and laying a body-shattering tackle on some fool?

Cuz Ray Lewis isn't in the forums. And Ray Lewis would get his ass kicked by David Pollack. There, I said it.

Bitch, please! You silly rookie isn't even a third of what Ray Lewis is. You're saying a rookie linebacker is better than a future First-Ballot Hall of Famer? I think not.

Sender - August 17, 2006 02:37 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (cactus_jack @ Aug 16 2006, 09:25 PM)
QUOTE (Sender @ Aug 16 2006, 07:23 PM)
QUOTE (cactus_jack @ Aug 16 2006, 01:12 AM)
Wait, why wasn't I in there? And more importantly, why don't you have Ray Lewis coming in and laying a body-shattering tackle on some fool?

Cuz Ray Lewis isn't in the forums. And Ray Lewis would get his ass kicked by David Pollack. There, I said it.

Bitch, please! You silly rookie isn't even a third of what Ray Lewis is. You're saying a rookie linebacker is better than a future First-Ballot Hall of Famer? I think not.

Ain't no rookie friend, and yes, he could eat Lewis for breakfast and still have time to sack someone's ass.

Syncopated - August 17, 2006 02:37 AM (GMT)
Sorry, neither of em hold a candle to Mertin Hanks... I mean, seriously, can you do the Chicken Walk?

cactus_jack - August 17, 2006 03:16 AM (GMT)
You're both wrong. First, Ray Lewis has his very own dance-no chicken can make a dance worthy of him.
Second, Pollack is a rookie. He has not played a full 16 games.
Thirdly, Ray is a 2-time Defensive Player of the Year and Super Bowl MVP. Pollack hasn't even been in a National Championship game, and he certainly isn't gonna get to a Super Bowl while the Bengals' D is as weak in the secondary as it is.

contrefait - August 17, 2006 04:54 PM (GMT)
Plus Ray Lewis once killed some people.

LeftoverCrack - August 17, 2006 07:45 PM (GMT)
I think I saw Ray Lewis building the Pyramids at Giza.... but I'm not sure.

Josken - August 17, 2006 10:12 PM (GMT)
How wasted were you?

cactus_jack - August 18, 2006 01:08 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (LeftoverCrack @ Aug 17 2006, 02:45 PM)
I think I saw Ray Lewis building the Pyramids at Giza.... but I'm not sure.

You idiot, Ray Lewis went back in time and built the Sphynx. Jeez, man, didn't you pay attention in history class? He also set off the volcano that covered Pompeii. And he killed the dinosaurs by tackling every last one.

teabagged18 - August 19, 2006 05:11 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (cactus_jack @ Aug 17 2006, 08:08 PM)
Jeez, man, didn't you pay attention in history class? He also set off the volcano that covered Pompeii. And he killed the dinosaurs by tackling every last one.

You missed a few.

He built the Great Wall of China.

The Berlin Wall fell when Ray Lewis rammed his shoulder into it.

Ray Lewis got into a fight with a knife. The knife lost.

(Okay, maybe I stole that last one from Chuck Norris)


boboloo666 - August 19, 2006 05:54 AM (GMT)
I wonder if Ray Lewis could take Chuck Norris in a real fight, all fan boyishness aside, Chuck Norris having been the middle weight karate champion for seven years before retiring, being the pupil of Bruce Lee himself, and Ray Lewis being a seven-time pro bowler, 2-time NFL Defensive Player of the Year, and MVP of super Bowl XXXV. Hmmm...

WildCard4005 - August 19, 2006 07:25 AM (GMT)
Chuck Norris, hands down.

He knows how to observe and take down opponents using several deadly arts and was undefeated during his professional martial arts career.

Ray Lewis runs and shit and falls on it...

Sender - August 19, 2006 12:11 PM (GMT)
Chuck would win. A footballer does not a fighter make. Sure some of them can fight... but they're not professional fighters... but still moreso than someone "professional wrestling." I'd love to see Triple H go up against someone in the UCW...

Snoogy - August 20, 2006 02:56 PM (GMT)
I updated again.

AneurysM - August 20, 2006 08:51 PM (GMT)
.. :huh: ....amazing?

janusmaxwell - August 20, 2006 10:26 PM (GMT)
Dammit, I wanna join the fun too.

contrefait - August 21, 2006 12:23 AM (GMT)
There is a flaw in your story. I would not be stupid enough to attack the wobuffet. They only have counterattacks so I would have to hit them first.

Allah - August 21, 2006 03:45 AM (GMT)
nah I used the trample TM on my wobuffets :v

Why does everything involve me exploding ._.;

janusmaxwell - August 21, 2006 03:11 PM (GMT)
because you touch yourself at night.

WildCard4005 - August 21, 2006 06:58 PM (GMT)
I like you Janus, but never steal my tagline I stole from Family Guy ever again, or we shall duel with pistols at dawn!

Syncopated - August 21, 2006 09:24 PM (GMT)
Snoogy, your masterful use of symbolism truly makes me weep. An amazing story, simply amazing.

Snoogy - August 24, 2006 12:22 PM (GMT)
Updated once more.




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