Okay, I come to the geniuses of the forum for advice. What is the proper response when a massive fatty is flirting with you?

"hmm" "yeah sure" "Uh uh"
Repeat those nonchalantly until they leave.

Being honest sometimes works. Depends on how brutal you want to be.

'You're fat, and my legs work' *walks away*

In your case...

"What the hell, I'm desperate anyways, let's fuck."

Be yourself. She'll wise up and find someone else.

Your tears smell like gravy.

I don't remember supersizing anything...

As you can clearly see, I am but a simple rock farmer, DO NOT WASTE YOUR LOVE ON ME!

Run. If she catches up, then maybe.

tell him your hobbies are rock climbing, marathon running, and bicycling :lol:

Same way you get out of any other one-on-one social interaction, just announce you are going to leave and do something else.

"I'm going to go get a drink"
"I'm going to go talk to those people"
"I'm going to go to the bathroom"
"I'm going to go stand over there now"

etc etc.

Hint at the idea of free food somewhere, then walk away when she goes to get it.

That, or hit it in the face with a brick.

Noobs :rolleyes:

Yes, insulting fatties is always good for a quick laugh, but they have so much more potential.

Fatty isn't interested in you, she's just desperate for any form of male attention. Use this! Instead of going for the quick laugh, introduce Fatty to one of your friends. Preferably a real nice guy who'll try treating her like a human being. Fatty'll sink her teeth into the poor lad faster than a Big Mac, giving you ample opportunity to exit the stage and join the audience, watching your friend writhe in agony.

Naturally, even the nicest guy will snap eventually. He's only human after all. Fatty will be hurt even more because she actually thought she had a chance and you won't come of as such a dick, your friend will.

I hear you asking: "But Josken, you handsome charismatic genius, why would I care if I came of as a dick?" And that's a good question my simple-minded friend. You see, to cope with their own insecurities, girls will often keep an ugly friend around to make them look better in comparison. Chances are Fatty is that friend. Meaning, Fatty comes with one or more considerably hotter yet insecure friends.

So, instead of a quick laugh, with minimal effort, we can totally screw over a friend, which is definitely good for a few laughs, Fatty gets hurts, which she deserves for being a worthless pile of lard, and we get access to hot girls with low self-esteem.

No girlfriend of mine will have a tub of lard as a friend.

I won't be seen with fat women, even if they are just friends of my kitchen slave.

Shit like this, right here, is why I respect you. You see the big picture.

Question O mighty one, what happens if the plan fails and the Nice Guy Friend begins dating the Fatty?

And then you have to deal with her being around your friend all the time

You either drop the friend for one with more self respect or hassle him until he drops the cow. The end result remains the same.

hahahaha

oh wow

yes, because there are so many people lining up to be your friend,seriously though if you tell another one of your old people stories about how life was like before television I will smother you in your sleep old man

Introduce said friend to a hot slut...duh

Do I have to spell out everything for you people?

You've got to write a book on this stuff.

Assholery for dummies?

Isn't that a bit repetitive?

No, this is repetitive. No, this is repetitive. No, this is repetitive. No, this is repetitive. No, this is repetitive.

See Josken, I respect your theory, however, I see another possible outcome with which a greater level of instant gratification can be reached.

While the lure of watching your nice friend writhe in agony is quit intriguing, I usually take opportunities like this to win some points back for the male side.

I allow said fattie to flirt with me. I even flirt back. Then I suggest fattie buy me drinks. Sometimes fattie does. When she does, I have her keep pumping alcohol through my system because she finally thinks she's going to land someone as attractive and amazing as me. Then I take my last drink of the evening and walk away, either to go home, go back to my friends or start flirting with another girl.

If women can flirt with guys to get free drinks with no intention of sleeping with them, why can't men? Damn it.

And with my theory, I get free alcohol, you just get free schadenfreude.

Tell her you'll give her a digit of your phone number for every 5lbs she loses.

I've done this many times. I've even pulled it off with mediocre women. Free drinks are win.

The key is that you have to tell them that they need to buy you drinks. Otherwise, they won't think to.

No way. My book will be call "People are idiots: a comprehensive guide to exploiting mankind's stupidity."

And this might just be my, but as much as I like alcohol, you just can't put a price on suffering.

She'll be suffering all night as she pumps you full of alcohol and then DON'T go home with her.

Drinks from a fat chick? I'd rather drink hemlock.