I had a weird conversation with one of my exes recently. About the fact he has a strong relationship with a woman he only knows over the net. They talk daily and have no illusions as to the fact they'll never meet.

Still, they exchange extremely personal details and talk daily over vent/skype etc. They're both dating other people meanwhile.

He claims it's not cheating. I think otherwise.

I think personal details and daily talks is worse than random encounters or raunchy cyber. It's taking it to the next goddamn level. Of course I've got no say in this, being the ex. Being the one that walked as well.

But tell me I'm not alone. Being more personal is more cheaty than say a chatroom thing.

Basically, does the SO object? If yes, then it is, if not, then it's not. The SO is the one able to be hurt, their opinion is what matters. Now, that doesn't mean the SO won't be unreasonable, but if they are then it's his job to end it rather than hurt them. Does the SO know? Whether or not he's hiding it may be the kicker.

TL;DR: Each couple is different. Some don't want the partner talking to anyone else, some are open or poly. Whatever the couple is comfortable with.

In this case, SO doesn't know. I told him to be honest with her.

I was poly when I was with him. He was ok with it until I started pulling more than him, then it became an issue. Maybe he's just living out that side of it.

I just know I'd rather know. I'm an understanding person though. I know most of my female.. well probably all of my female friends would flip out and dump his ass if it came out.

Confiding in a good friend you have found I wouldn't define as cheating, if you choose to confide with them over your partner, that would raise some funny questions. It's still unnecessary stress and dangerously thoughtless on the guy's part.

I'm gonna go with no though, for me it's not as bad as a one night stand. If it felt like that to you though, then it was. Yagetme?

I thought this thread would be about OkCupid and I could regale you with my hilarious misadventures.

It can turn into that. I've never done the dating website trolling.

The thing is that there are some people who wouldn't care about sex since it's just physical, the relationship is what's important. There are other people out there who don't care if you have close, personal friends of your preferred sex but flip over a kiss. Some people couldn't handle either. None of those is "wrong", but cheating on each would involve vastly different actions. Without knowing more we can't be sure.

That said, the fact that he's kept it from her IMHO says a lot about the situation.

Edit: And I don't think the fact that it's internet should enter into it. In most situations, I think cybersex~=sex and Skype=conversation. I don't think the fact that they've never shaken hands matters.

Online relationships are not real relationships, therefore, can not constitute cheating. I don't care how much you and ShyGuy3811 hae in common and how much you luuuv eachother, if you're never goig to meet, it's not real.

I have very traditional views of dating, and I'm not jealous or possessive. If you're my girlfriend, have all the guy friends you want, I know they all want to bang you. It's my job to be better than them and keep you into me. But if we're together, we're together. Don't kiss, feel up, jerk off, blow or fuck anyone else. Those are crash landings and get you a one way ticket to dumpsville. If you're going to be with somebody, be with them, if you can't commit to one person, do what I do and be a whore.

I'm in a similar but inverted situation... I'm in an 'online relationship' and have been for almost two years... but, it's obviously complicated... we chat all the time or talk on the phone, exchange pics, webcam, whatever... we're going to meet up soon and are planning on going to the same college, so probably moving in together as well... however, I sorta agree with Wild in that, it's not REALLY technically a relationship relationship since we haven't met yet... there is certainly the potential for one though, but until we actually meet, I've encouraged him to date other people or at the very least fuck who he wants...

I would say, that if there is a potential for a real relationship to form offline, then that might border on cheating... but otherwise, it's harmless conversation or flirting or whatever... it may be a bit inconsiderate depending on the relationship you're in, but not really cheating.

On what basis? Obviously you can't have do anything physical, but everything else, long talks, enjoying each other's company, all of the 'chick stuff' is just fine done through Vent.

Oh sure it starts off all innocent. Just internet friends talking over a vent. Then it turns dirty. They start having cybersex. Things steam up. Suddenly, that RPG got a whole lot more involved. Before you know it, she's a purveyer of teledildonics, and him a whole new type of self BDSM where someone on the other side of the continent can still humiliate you with a robotic leather whip. Then her boyfriend walk in one day, only to find his girl spread eagle on the floor with a picture of a bound and gagged guy in fullscreen on the laptop. He totally takes the the wrong way. Thats when the media hears about it.

Just watch. It'll be on TV and the papers any day now.

JEALOUS BOYFRIEND WHIPS THIRD WHEEL TO DEATH OVER INTERNET: EXPERTS BLAME VIDEO GAMES.

If this was cheating, every guy who regularly has a beer with his buddy would be a cheater and gay.

If you ain't fucking, you ain't cheating.

I'm with Wild and Josken on this one. The internet hath not a relationship make. The series of tubes serves as a distraction, a diversion, a fantasy if you will. You can dream about what it'd be like to fuck someone, that's the entire basis of porn, but it don't mean you have a valid relationship with some chick who gets naked for you on a webcam.

The same rule applies in so-called "long distance" relationships. All these things (LDR, Online Dating) are is a bullshit contrivance and an outlet for those who want to be emo without the wardrobe.

That and I treat Match.com like Hot-or-Not, it's just too impossible to take seriously. You want a genuine relationship? Meet people in a genuine way, in a genuine setting... the nets does not the truth create.

The fact that he's hiding it from her means he thinks it's at least sort of a relationship, and is sort of cheating. He may not be hitting it, but he is being a douche when he isn't telling her about him having an obviously extremely close friend. unless the girl is one of those crazy bitches who be all "you can't have any female friends!" than it's coo for him to hid that shit. Dawg.

I'm not sure what his S.O is like.. but it's a tough call. Clearly everyone has their own personal views on this sort of shit. So there's no real right or wrong in this situation. It's up to the people in it.

I just think it's a train wreck in slow motion on this one. If you think it's right, you won't hide it.

Hey guys, I just jerked off to a picture of Megan Fox in lingerie...do you think Picture of Jessica Alba in Lingerie is jealous?

No, but your other hand is.

I stopped calling Lefty back. She's much too abrasive.

TOO MUCH FOR ONE HAND TO HANDLE!

"Of course you're the biggest man I've ever been with."

Thank you. I'm glad someone around here finally noticed. I've been visiting this forum while naked for months.

The bottom line of it all is if you care about your SO's wants and needs, and he or she considers such things a problem, then you shouldn't do it. Unless it's something that's completely off the wall like, "I don't want you looking at/talking to the opposite gender." that's just impossible to do.

Then you get to slap them, call them crazy, and give 'em the ol' "GTFO!"

Internet "dating" is a poor substitute for a real relationship. I'm generally a firm proponent of the whole "Internet friends CAN actually be real friends", but that doesn't apply to relationships. Not being able to have any meaningful physical contact (be that kissing, snuggling, sex or whatever) gets in the way of it actually being "real", as opposed to a virtual thing.

That's not to say you can't have a meaningful understanding over the internet with someone, and/or develop intense feelings for them.. But even if those feelings are reciprocated, it's still a watered down version of a real relationship.

That being said, your ex is obviously up to "no good" if he tells you about this other girl he's "dating" over the internet. If he considers it dating, and he's not telling his actual girlfriend (who is, for all she knows, in a monogamous relationship) then it's definitely a form of dishonesty that can be likened to cheating.

It's up to you what you decide to do with it, though. He's a dumbass for talking about it like he did, but interfering with someone else's relationship might just be too much trouble to be worth it. *shrug*

I'd never interfere because he's still stinging from what happened, it's obvious. In breakups, there's always someone who moves on/up and does better. I'm that jerk.

We talk alot though, he mentioned it over ventrilo before a raid on WoW because everyone else was fucking about at the bank and weren't in the channel yet. I don't have any right to step in on his shit and tell his girlfriend what's going on.

I just wanted to straighten it out in my mind, I always wonder how everyone else handles this shit. Just for my own curiosity.

Out of curiosity, why do you give a damn? I mean, maybe I'm cynical, but most people are shitheads, and getting upset about one seems to be an exercise in futility. If you want to burn him, burn him. If you think it makes him undateable HE'S ALREADY YOUR EX.

This thread is as fucking retarded as the entire political section.

She must think the "I hope we can still be friends" bit was srs.

Being friends with a woman after you've fucked?

Wait...

Being friends with a woman with no sex at all?

That's just ludicrous.

Fun though

I know it sounds odd, but we are still friends. We go out for coffee and stuff and he came to my housewarming with his girlfriend.

So I care. You can't just not care. I'm not the kind of person who contrives a load of bullshit after the breakup to make the other person a monster so they can cope with the loss. It's okay to miss the person, even if you're not able to be in a relationship with them.

I care, but I'm not a callous bitch who's going to call him out on it or poison pen it to his girlfriend.

If you don't want people to fucking talk about shit - Kojac, why don't you go and fucking move to New Zealand and fuck sheep all day. They've got the conversation you want and they can't understand you - so they won't turn you down. Win, fucking, win. Wanker.

I don't see the point in being friendly after a break up. I never contrive stories to make myself feel better, I just get them out of my life. Off AIM, off Facebook, outta my phone book (or at least retitled as Do Not Answer).

Out of sight, out of mind. That way, no feelings linger and you can move on. Also, you don't have to deal with any recurring bull shit after a break up like the months long process of "I hate you - let's fuck - I hate you - let's fuck some more - no, I really hate you - but just one more time for old-time's sake - fuck you, you ruined my life, I thought we'd be together forever"

I think it depends. When you spend a long time with someone and move past the honeymoon phase and actually share friends and spend Christmases with their family - you don't really want to lose that. It's nice to be able to go to parties and be able to sit next to them without being awkward.

I think it's harder if you broke up in the 'fucking madly every night before collapsing and not really saying much' phase. But if you spent a day at Ikea, had to do your tax together and deal with awkward family Christmases. There's usually a bond that doesn't just evaporate because you're not fucking and sucking anymore.

I disagree.

So how long has your longest ACTUAL relationship lasted. I mean more than just seeing her for sex while keeping a few on the backburner.

I'm always completely faithful when I'm in relationships. I don't get new numbers or keep contacts with old chicks (in fact, I always burn bridges after I'm done with girls so the latter is pretty much a given).

That being said, my longest relationship was 4 months long. Granted, it could have lasted longer, but she was bat shit crazy.

I don't think that counts at all. Especially if you didn't live with her. I stand by the old saying: You never truly know someone, until you live with them.

Disagree if you wish, Wild. I just stand by experience. I wouldn't change it either. It's great being able to reminisce with the ex without feeling like you need to go there again. I get to keep all my old friends, still get to hang out with his siblings and not feel odd at all.

So why break up if you two are so close?

Because you can love someone but not be in love with them.
Years of arguing about money, his choice of study.. people change. Sometimes they change into someone you just can't live with.

I couldn't support a student who despised my corporate lifestyle and changing values. Try as you might to make it work, the daily struggle to bite your tongue.. smile and nod. Trying to not sleep on the arguments becomes a draining and sad excercise.

It's better to cut your losses and let them find someone who is more like-minded. Even if at the time it seems like you would never find someone else.

Then it seems like you have no commonality as friends, either.


So, in essence, all you have are the reminiscings of the time you two used to fuck.

Seems. To you.
Sorry if I don't take your opinion as someone most of the way across the world, who doesn't know me from a bar of soap, less about him and pretty much nothing about long term relationships seriously.

You've got no right to say that at all. If it helps you sleep at night to think that. Go ahead, Wild. Whatever blows your hair back.

If you grew so far apart that you couldn't be together anymore and that you were clearly not entering the same as far as social circles and standings go, then what the hell, except your past, do you two share?

There's more to a good relationship than sex. That's not to say that a good sex life doesn't help, but there are other things that count too.

If someone spends the majority of their time being a loser on online dating websites rather than being a human being living a real life, they are cheating their partner out of all of the companionship they are giving to a stranger on the other side of a metal box. Sure, the "relationship" may or may not be valid, however the affection that the person puts into it should be directed at their significant other.