Long Distance Relationships, A balanced discussion

You mentioned a lot of "thinks" in your explanation. "I don't think that" "why do you think..."

All I'm saying is in my explanation, I respect the variables of life. I don't know, and that's OK.

Fact is, both of us are taking risks in our situation. I just deal in risk mitigation by nature. Why run directly into a fire fight when you can suppress it and flank from the side? Yes, I could just move in with her, but what harm can living on my own do, when we all agree that under NORMAL circumstances there's risks to living together anyway?

Why don't you norm the situation before you foul it up by moving in? Life is a risky business, doesn't mean we have to surrender to its whimsy.

I guess I just don't see it as being as big a risk as you do. If I move in with her and we can't make it work, then I guess it's not meant to be. And then I either find someone else to move-in (still gotta cover the rent) or I move back in with my parents until I can save more money.

In your opinion Wild, what would waiting to move-in together accomplish? How does it change things? And how long would you 'date' her before moving in with her? Or is the situation simply too 'unconventional' to you? I could understand if maybe you're a traditionalist and you prefer doing it 'by the book', though I obviously don't share that view.

Part of me wants to say that it's an aspect of tradition keeping me from agreeing, but my innermost desire wants to just shack up as soon as I move back to NY. My feelings for her have overridden my traditional thinking.

However, I can't abandon logic. You can't negate the physical closeness of any relationship as a factor in it. It's a game changer. Whether it's because you were once together and now you're states away, or vice versa. All I'm saying is building in a time for adjustment into your plan can't seem like a bad idea.

I merely said a year because that's when leases come up. You all can make a decision at that point together; be it cohabitation, marriage, mutual assured retardation. Who knows?

By you saying "well if it doesn't work...oh well" seems to imply to me you're trying to throw up a Hail Mary the first play of the big game. What's the harm in living close and then stepping it up?

Not to sound rude, and this is a serious question, but do you still live with your parents or have you moved out (or did you move out to move back in, etc)?

Heh, I doubt we'll come to a agreement on this issue. There doesn't seem to be a best way to go about this sort of thing. The only thing you can really do is weigh all the variables and determine what you think is the best course of action. In my case, I've weighed the variables extensively and I'm comfortable with moving in with her, and we're both really looking forward to it. I will admit though, I might not be willing to do this with just anyone. And a part of the reason for moving in together is because it would be convenient for the both of us. Neither of us has the luxury of getting our own place near each other and we both want out of where we're currently living. So that's certainly influencing our decision to live together, but it's just one out of many reasons why we want to do this.

And yeah, I've moved back in with my parents a few times now. It's been very difficult finding work around here and getting into college. Finally been able to pull shit together and get some financial aid for school, which I'll be using to move out (hopefully for the last time) and pay for a condo near the school.

Maybe for you cause you got no game. I've done pretty damn well.

This can only end in tragedy.

Whoa, it's Josken! I remember you!

having a long distance relationship didn't work out for me..

one of the worst things was because we saw each other so rarely, the relationship took a lot longer to play out than it would have done had we seen each other a couple of times a week.

So what could have been a 2 month relationship ended up as a 2 year long distance relationship; when every time you see someone is "special" it takes longer to realise that actually, you hate them.

Without the need to actually read any of it, the sheer amount of text and effort Wild put into this is a clear sign that he's trying to convince himself of something he knows is wrong.

LDRs only work if you're together. If you're not together, then you're just penpals with pretensions. No exceptions.

Penpals who meet up every few months to have sex. It's basically a marriage where you don't have to live in the same house.

Relationships are good for making you not lonely and giving you a little something on the side. They're also good at driving you a little crazy. If it's long distance relationship, you get less of all three of those. Either way, do what makes you (Or your private parts) the happiest.

Just spent 2 and a half weeks living with her over Christmas.

Aside from the fact she made me late FOR EVERYTHING it really wasn't that bad.

You're an idiot. You should know better.

You will let down your partner, and you'll eventually let down yourself.

I also shouldn't have to tell you this. Idiot.

Easy cupcake, I meant it as a trivial thing. That's the only thing that I found troublesome.

Despite the fact I don't know how you need one WHOLE hour to do your hair.